Successful relationships are not always easy. If you have betrayed your partner's or partner's trust, be aware that it is possible to try to regain lost trust. Show that you are committed to improving and wanting to fix your relationship. With time and dedication, you can gradually regain confidence.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Your Betrayal
Step 1. Take responsibility for your actions and admit what you've done
Lying will only create more mistrust and stress between the two of you. If you are dishonest, you will continue to worry about having to sustain the lie. Be honest and direct to avoid future betrayals and delay the process of regaining trust.
Being direct will also allow you to explain your behavior as best you can. Your partner will always assume the worst and other people will always exaggerate what happened, so take control of the story
Step 2. Put yourself in the person's shoes to avoid having a defensive posture
Your partner will likely be angry and use negative language. Even if you know you've done something wrong, it can make you defensive or trying to shake off the blame. It's important to remember that your partner is sad and needs to express it in some way. When you feel the need to defend yourself, try to think about how you would feel if your partner betrayed your trust. This will help you recognize your partner's communication as an expression of pain rather than an attack.
Nothing you do justifies abuse. If your partner becomes physically aggressive, verbally abusive, or makes threats of any degree, leave immediately and get help
Step 3. Listen to the other side actively
Show your partner that you care about what he is feeling by listening to exactly what he has to say. Reinforce what was said to show you were paying attention. Then demonstrate that you understand what the person is feeling.
- For example, if your partner says “You said you would be there, but you weren't. You knew that moment was important to me!”.
- Reinforce by paraphrasing: "I wasn't there when I promised I would be."
- And acknowledge the person's feeling: "I let you down."
Step 4. Validate the person's feelings
It is important that your partner or partner feel heard and understood. Your betrayal represents a disrespect for the other person's well-being. Show that you care by describing how your behavior likely affected her. For example, "My behavior hurt and broke your confidence."
Try to avoid saying “I know” when it comes to other people's feelings. While the intent is not to offend, some people may find this condescending
Part 2 of 3: Apologizing
Step 1. Explain why you did what you did
What made you cheat on your partner? You are responsible for your actions, but understanding the emotion behind your behavior can empathize in your partner and help you avoid similar problems in the future. Describe how you felt and then describe your behavior. For example, "I felt insecure in our relationship and sought other people's attention."
Use “I” phrases to keep the other person from feeling that you are blaming them
Step 2. Plan to behave differently in the future
It's essential to show your partner that you'll find a way to not hurt any more in the future. Identify what caused the behavior and look for ways to prevent the problem from happening again. For example, if your behavior was provoked by a specific person, make a commitment that you will no longer be alone with them. It may be necessary to have your partner with you at events where you know the person will be, so as not to risk being alone with them at some point.
The plan should always include communication and problem solving with your partner
Step 3. Be honest
Express regret and remorse for the betrayal. He is far more likely to trust you again if he can see that your feelings are sincere and that you will work hard to prevent the situation from happening again in the future.
Avoid making promises that cannot be kept. Not following through on your schedule can make apologies seem false
Part 3 of 3: Showing Commitment
Step 1. Communicate clearly with your partner
The lack of communication was probably one of the factors that contributed to the betrayal, that is, there was no transparency and honesty between you. To ensure this issue is resolved, identify what barriers are preventing effective communication between you and how you can overcome them. This will show your partner that you are committed to avoiding cheating in the future.
- If you or your partner are not comfortable talking about feelings, arrange for you to write a letter to each other to discuss what you are feeling.
- If you and your partner don't communicate often, schedule specific days to talk about the relationship.
- If you are having difficulty identifying the reason for the lack of communication, consider seeing a couples therapist. The therapist will be able to identify and resolve communication problems.
Step 2. Ask your partner what he needs
It may seem difficult to regain lost confidence, so it's a good idea to ask your partner what can be done to remedy the situation. You may have to communicate more often, spend more time together, have therapy, be more patient, or whatever. Ask your partner for suggestions on how you can change your behavior so that he or she has more confidence in you.
Step 3. Call or text frequently
Contact throughout the day will show that you are thinking about your partner. This can help him not to think that you are acting behind his back. He will feel better able to trust again if he senses that you are closer.
A good way to stay in touch without appearing needy is to send funny messages or pictures with summaries of things that happened during your day
Step 4. Plan activities that require you to spend time together without focusing on cheating
Once you've apologized and committed to changing your behavior, try not to dwell on the situation that caused the hurt. Bring your attention to the present by doing something fun with your partner. The more time you spend with your partner, the less he will be concerned about what you are doing when you are not together.
Find a hobby that you can enjoy. This will increase the amount of time you spend together, as well as strengthen the bonds between you
Step 5. Express gratitude for your partner
Show how grateful you are to have him in your life and how important the relationship is. When he feels valued, he will have more security in the relationship.
- Leave gratitude notes in places you know he's going to see.
- If you're going to show your gratitude with gifts, be careful not to look like you're trying to “buy” your trust back.
- Do some homework to show him how happy you are for everything he does.
Step 6. Accept that the recovery process will take time
Be patient with your partner or partner until trust can return. This is out of your control and trying to speed up the process can make him or her feel that you are not respecting their feelings.
- Instead of focusing on something you don't have control over (time), focus on what you can control, like being reliable and consistent.
- Show your partner that you are committed to permanently changing. Don't just change for a while and go back to your old habits.