3 Ways to Get Close to Your Brother If He Ignores You

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3 Ways to Get Close to Your Brother If He Ignores You
3 Ways to Get Close to Your Brother If He Ignores You
Anonim

In many cases, two or more siblings can be lifelong best friends. In others, however, the relationship is tumultuous and distant. If your brother (or sister) ignores you or refutes all your attempts to tighten the bonds, for example, your ego may feel the jolt. While it's impossible to control people's behavior, there are a few things you can do to alleviate any tense situation. Face the problem, try to create a healthier relationship and improve your communication skills with people to have a more peaceful coexistence with the family.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Facing the Problem

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 1

Step 1. Learn to identify and combat the times when your sibling ignores you

Your brother doesn't respond when you say something or ask a question? Intimidating and punishing people with silence is a typical tactic in abuse situations. It may seem like he's just being ignorant, but he may also be pretending to get what he wants. If this happens, react in the following ways:

  • Scold your brother, saying, "Look, when you ignore me, everything I feel good about you ends, and I feel like pulling away. I want us to have a mutually supportive relationship, but I don't feel any welcome from your side".
  • Try to talk directly about the cause of silence by saying, "I can tell you're mad at me for your silence. I want to talk about it and resolve it. Say it when you're ready for it."
  • Be relaxed and at ease when ignored. Smile or sigh when the person is punishing you with silence. Hopefully, she'll get tired of throwing a tantrum when she doesn't get the reaction she expected (seeing you angry, upset, or even obedient).
Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 2

Step 2. Make a time to talk with your brother without distractions

If his behavior isn't exactly deliberate, you're going to need to have a serious discussion about it. Maybe he has a new girlfriend and doesn't have time for you, for example. Ask what's going on.

Say "John, I need to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?" and take him to a place where they can talk without interruption

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 3

Step 3. Start your sentences with "I"

When talking to your sibling about silence, take responsibility for what you're feeling and don't make it look like you're blaming him, or he might get defensive. To do this, speak from your own perspective.

Avoid saying phrases like "You ignore me and make me mad" that get you nowhere. Go for something like "I feel ignored by you. And it hurts because we were so close before. What's going on?"

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 4

Step 4. Try to think of a solution

The purpose of this discussion is to determine the cause of the silence and, hopefully, think of a way to improve the relationship. Don't waste time trying to understand your brother's motives, but what you can do to end the situation.

  • Learning how to solve problems together is a great way to strengthen the relationship. Both need to want positive results and think of strategies to end the fights. You can, for example, put yourself in each other's shoes.
  • For example: let your brother relax when he comes home from school or college; set aside a few minutes a day to talk about what each person has done, and so on.
Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 5

Step 5. Combat bullying

Maybe your brother ignores you because he's emotionally and socially drained. If so, discussing the problem and thinking of a solution may not be the best strategy. Although the practice of bullying is not as much discussed when it occurs between siblings, it is still serious and can lead to negative consequences for the victim.

If your brother is aggressive and tries to make you sad or left out, vent to someone: your mom, dad, a trusted teacher, etc. Say "My sister pretends I'm invisible. She never invites me to anything, and when I try to talk to her, I'm ignored. She even asks her friends not to talk to me when they come here. It's been a while and I'm I feel very bad"

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 6

Step 6. See a therapist if you develop emotional problems because of this distance

It's hard to accept, but there are cases where one brother ignores the other and the situation is irreversible. Reasons such as rivalry, differences in values ​​and beliefs or even age discrepancies can influence this type of behavior.

If you do everything you can to get your brother closer to the family, but you still can't, talk to a therapist

Method 2 of 3: Tightening the Bonds

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 7

Step 1. Invite him to do certain activities

Research shows that siblings who do chores at home together have greater self-esteem, acquire a sense of responsibility and learn to deal better with frustrations. In addition, this type of task also strengthens the bonds of the family and is a great opportunity for conversation.

When your parents give each of you different tasks, be willing to help your brother to be able to talk to him. Say "We can clean the garage in less time if I help Gabriel. What do you think?"

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 8

Step 2. Find hobbies similar to his own

Even if you have very different interests and personalities, you can bond through common hobbies. Think of something someone already does or discover something new - that could be the source of many interesting memories for the future.

  • Tell your brother that you would like to play soccer, swim or learn to play the guitar with him. If he has experience, ask to be your teacher. That way they'll spend more time together and show off their skills to each other. Say "I admire your persistence in learning to play. Can you teach me?"
  • If you prefer, say "Raquel, I heard you're giving free dance lessons at the university. Would you like to do it with me? I think that would be cool."
Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 9

Step 3. Encourage your brother.

Maybe there's this barrier between you and him because you're both busy and have little time for family. Even if that is the case, you can strengthen the bonds through a very supportive relationship.

If your brother has an important test in a few days, encourage him to study more (by saying, "I'm sure you'll rock this test") or be willing to help him review the material

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 10

Step 4. Gather more with the family

It can be even more difficult to bond if you are adults and live in different homes. In this sense, use the whole family as a common ground to get closer to your brother. Ultimately, this type of event is a positive social experience for adults and children alike.

  • Give the idea of ​​making Sunday lunch a ritual between you. Say "Guys, I think it would be really cool if we started having lunch together on Sundays. I miss you and I want to be closer to you."
  • Then take the opportunity to get closer to your brother. Start a conversation with something like "João, sit here with me!"
Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 11

Step 5. Respect your differences

Your brother can start being respectful if you do the same. This does not mean that both must agree in every way or that they are obligated to bow their heads all the time. In fact, it means that they must respect what each person feels, privacy and personal space, as well as individual interests and beliefs.

For example, if you pick on your older sister because she is a vegetarian, you will give her an immature image, which will justify ignorance. On the other hand, if you show respect and even ask questions about the matter to understand your reasons, she can become more friendly and docile

Method 3 of 3: Improving Communication

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 12

Step 1. Ask questions about your brother's interests

One of the best ways to start talking to another person is to show a willingness to get to know them in depth. Like? Encouraging a dialogue about the subjects she likes, for example. Everyone loves to talk about themselves and their hobbies. So, show curiosity to get closer to your brother.

  • If your brother is a big Doctor Who fan, for example, ask, "What's your favorite episode? Why?" Use this open-ended question format so you don't get too short answers.
  • Also, let your brother talk more about a topic of interest so that he starts to enjoy spending time with you.

Step 2. Be present

Sometimes people are silent because they don't know how to talk about sensitive issues or are afraid to let off steam and show their emotions. If you can break down the barrier between you, it will be easier to communicate and alleviate the situation.

For example, ask, "Is everything okay? You are very quiet today."

Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 13

Step 3. Listen carefully

The best listener is the one who stays attentive and understands what the person is saying, rather than just thinking about the answers they are going to give. When trying to start a conversation with your brother, just focus on him. Follow the strategies listed below to improve communication:

  • Learn to use your body language - keep your back straight and relax your shoulders, without crossing your arms and legs; make eye contact; turn towards the speaker; nod your head and smile at the appropriate times - and the person's verbal cues to improve the communication process.
  • Use these verbal ways to show that you are listening carefully:

    • Paraphrase: repeat the message, changing perspective. For example: "He called me a sucker in front of everyone, so I ran to the bathroom, where I was crying for hours…" (original); "It looks like you were very hurt" (paraphrase).
    • clarification: try to better understand the vague aspects of the message. For example: "Let me see if I understand you correctly. You said that…".
    • Empathy: Put yourself in the person's shoes and understand their emotional experience. For example: "It seems you felt humiliated when he said those things."
Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 14

Step 4. Show respect for your brother, even if you don't agree with him

No matter how similar you are, sooner or later you are going to have different opinions. This doesn't have to be bad; on the contrary: it can be the perfect opportunity to discover more about themselves and expand their minds. Follow these tips:

  • Focus on the action or concept rather than disagreeing with everything the person says. Change lines like "You're an asshole" to "I was really hurt by what you said."
  • Start your sentences with "I" to show how you feel.
  • Be a good listener when the time comes.
  • Don't disregard the person's opinions or beliefs with lines like "That's nonsense!"
  • Breathe deeply. If you get nervous, wait a few moments to calm down.
Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You Step 15

Step 5. Be more patient

If your brother ignores you, you may be desperate to resume your connection; however, do not put the cart before the horse. If you try to force something, it will look underhanded. Give it time.

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