3 Ways to Be Less Possessive with Your Partner

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3 Ways to Be Less Possessive with Your Partner
3 Ways to Be Less Possessive with Your Partner

Being in a relationship can be exciting and wonderful. You may feel a strong connection with someone you care about and who loves you back. However, sometimes jealousy or insecurity can arise and create serious problems. You may find yourself questioning your partner, making accusations, and acting possessively unintentionally. That could change. You just need to calm down when this happens, build greater trust in the relationship and prevent yourself from making mistakes again.


Method 1 of 3: Calm down in the heat of the moment

Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 1

Step 1. Take a break

When you feel yourself getting too possessive of your partner, taking a moment to assess that feeling is a good idea. This pause will allow you to think about what you are doing, why it is causing it, and what effect it will have on the relationship.

  • For example, if you are at a restaurant with your partner and you find yourself becoming possessive because the waiter or waitress is smiling at you, take a break.
  • Try to relax your mind if you can't leave the room right away. Take a few deep breaths and just concentrate on breathing for a few seconds.
  • Use this time to ask yourself why this situation is making you possessive. Ask yourself, for example, "Is what I'm feeling jealous or insecure? Why am I being so possessive?"
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 2

Step 2. Try to express yourself appropriately

It's okay to feel a little jealous or insecure sometimes. It's also okay to talk to your partner about what you're feeling, as long as you talk properly. You can lessen this possessiveness by talking to your partner about this feeling of insecurity and jealousy in a calm and mature way.

  • Tell him how you are feeling and what is causing it.
  • Tell him what he can do to help you overcome these feelings.
  • Try saying something like “I know I've been a little possessive lately. It's silly, but I'm a little jealous of the attention you've been getting.”
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 3

Step 3. Apologize if necessary

Sometimes you may end up not controlling yourself and doing something that demonstrates that possessiveness. If this happens, it is best to apologize to your partner and anyone else involved in the situation.

  • For example, if you were rude to a clerk because he was nice to your partner, apologize to both of you.
  • When apologizing to someone, you can say “I'm sorry for the way I acted. It was something I didn't expect, it won't happen again."
  • When apologizing to your partner, you can start by saying “I need to apologize for what I did. I was feeling very possessive. It's not a justification, but that's what happened."

Method 2 of 3: Building Trust in the Relationship

Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 4

Step 1. Solve the relationship issues

In some cases, you may feel possessive because some things have happened that have shaken the stability of the relationship. In this case, the ideal is to try to resolve them with your partner. By doing this, you will be able to have a more stable relationship and may become less possessive.

  • Tell your partner that you would like to talk about some of your relationship issues. You might say "Can we talk about the problems we've been facing lately?"
  • Have a sincere and open conversation about the things that are causing you discomfort.
  • Keep in mind that some issues, such as past betrayals, may require more than one conversation and more time to resolve.
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 5

Step 2. Trust your partner

One of the keys to having a good relationship is trust. You need to believe that your partner cares and is being honest with you, as he is likely to feel the same. One of the problems with being possessive is that it gives the impression that you don't trust the other person. Try to be less possessive and believe more in his feelings and actions.

  • Trust him when he says he's going somewhere or doing something. There's no need to keep checking to see if he's really telling the truth.
  • Believe what he says. Unless you're sure he might be lying, always trust what he says.
  • Trust his feelings for you. Trust him to like you as much as he says he does.
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 6

Step 3. Respect your partner

One problem with possessiveness is that it makes you act disrespectful towards your partner, yourself, or others. Maybe you end up saying demeaning, arrogant, or mean things. You can improve and build a stronger relationship if you can demonstrate the respect your partner deserves.

  • Talk to or about your partner in a respectful way. Don't yell or say things with the intention of making the other person feel bad.
  • Respect his privacy. Avoid snooping around your partner's stuff or reading his or her messages without permission.
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 7

Step 4. Talk to him

When you feel that you should try to improve that possessiveness, talk to him about what has been happening. Good conversation can help you improve this behavior.

  • Say you've noticed that you've been acting possessively lately. You can say, for example “Can we talk? I know I've been acting quite possessive lately…”.
  • Explain what you've been feeling lately and what's causing it. You might try saying “I've been jealous because of the problems I've had in my previous relationships,” for example.
  • Try to listen to him too. The conversation must flow from both sides.

Method 3 of 3: Avoiding Possessive Behaviors in the Future

Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 8

Step 1. Be honest with yourself

Recognizing that you may be being very possessive of your partner is the first step in improving this behavior. You will also need to sincerely try to understand what is causing this behavior, as this will allow you to resolve the issues that are causing it.

  • Ask yourself if you are being too possessive because of some past event. For example, did a past partner leave you to be with someone else?
  • Determine if there is anything your partner is doing that might be causing the problem. Is he flirting with other people, for example?
  • Recognize any self-esteem or self-confidence issues you may have. For example, do you feel unattractive or do you think he is too good for you?
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 9

Step 2. Trust yourself

Sometimes possessiveness is caused by insecurity. Maybe you think you don't deserve to be with that person. If you think this behavior may be caused by your insecurity, try to improve your self-confidence to solve the problem.

  • Make a journal or list of all your strengths. Put on everything from your pretty eyes and your sense of humor to your love of anime, for example.
  • Talk to yourself positively. For example, go to a mirror and say to yourself “I am a great person. My boyfriend is lucky to be with me and I am lucky to be with him."
  • Record when your partner gives a compliment or does something that shows how much he likes you.
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 10

Step 3. Take care of yourself

It's much easier to be jealous and act possessive when you're tired, stressed, hungry, or just not feeling well. In these cases, you will have less energy to fight these thoughts of jealousy and possessiveness. You can improve this if you start taking better care of yourself.

  • Eat a balanced diet and eat healthy snacks to get all the nutrients and energy you need.
  • Get regular physical activity. This can help reduce your overall stress level, which can help you calm down when these bad feelings come.
  • Try to sleep for six to eight hours a night. Sleeping well can help you get the rest you need to fight these thoughts.
Be Less Possessive of Your Partner Step 11

Step 4. Seek professional help

When possessiveness becomes too severe, you will end up damaging the relationship and causing your partner (and yourself) to suffer emotionally, mentally and even physically. If your partner or others say you need to be less possessive, take this as a sign that you may need to seek professional help.

  • A psychologist or therapist can help you determine the reason for your possessiveness and better manage it.
  • If you are involved in a religious community, try talking to your religious leader for advice on what is going on. You might say “Can we talk about some issues I've been facing in my relationship? I feel like I'm being too possessive.”
  • A marriage, family, or relationship counselor can also help you and your partner overcome these relationship issues for you.


Trust your partner, after all, he has chosen to be in a relationship with you, not someone else


  • Showing possessiveness can make your partner feel that you don't trust him, and this can cause serious problems in the relationship.
  • Don't let this feeling get out of control. Be careful not to become too abusive to him or to get into trouble with other people.

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