The end of a relationship is always a painful experience, especially when one of the parties realizes that they are always thinking about their ex-boyfriend. Regardless of whether the relationship has recently ended or has been trying to get over it for several months, it is normal for you to feel that these thoughts are preventing you from continuing with your life as before. Fortunately, there are several techniques that can help you accept that the relationship is over and stop thinking about the person.
Part 1 of 3: Overcoming Pain
Step 1. Be “in mourning”.
The end of a relationship can be like the death of a loved one; it's okay to cry and mourn the loss.
- There is no way to end the emotions that cause pain overnight. In fact, it's much easier to overcome hurt by confronting feelings without judging them.
- Trying to suppress thoughts will only make them stronger. Sometimes this even leads to dreams about the ex-boyfriend if you don't allow him to feel the emotions and thoughts.
- Cry if you want. Casting out all the bad feelings – rather than letting them in for good – is much better.
Step 2. Talk to someone you trust
Sometimes it's enough to have someone to listen rather than a person to advise you. Even if you don't understand why all this happened, talking about it may be the best way to accept that the relationship is over.
- If you are uncomfortable talking about ending a relationship with a loved one, seek out a therapist, in-person or online support groups.
- Amazingly, imagining a conversation with your ex about all the pent-up feelings can help. That way, you'll expose everything you felt without having contact with him, which can help you reach a final point on the subject.
Step 3. Do not be angry.
Once you become obsessed with the horrible things your ex-boyfriend has done to you, it will be impossible to get on with life. Even if you're really disappointed and angry about the attitude, it's important to stop thinking about negative things like that.
When you realize you're always thinking about your ex, talk to him face-to-face. Think about why it doesn't come out of your head and how this idea can be distorted, not being true, in addition to the negative effects it has on yourself. The more you understand your reflections, the easier it will be to let go of them
Step 4. Be honest with yourself
After ending a relationship, it is common for people to be dishonest about the quality of the relationship and why it broke up. It is important to remember well the happiness in the relationship and what led to the end of it, allowing you to stop idealizing a relationship that was no longer the best.
In addition, you will be able to ask yourself and analyze the role you played in ending the relationship, helping you to let go of your anger
Step 5. Get help
Breaking up relationships can have negative physical and mental effects, especially if you continue to think about the experience a few months later. The end of the romantic relationship between two people has already been associated with a weakening of the immune system and an increased risk of disease. Individuals who cannot get over the end of a relationship within 16 weeks may even experience physical changes in the brain that reduce motivation, concentration and the ability to feel emotions, making professional help indispensable before physical health is affected as well.
Therapists help by listening to what the patient has to say, encouraging them to confront their own feelings and teaching them new ways to deal with pain
Step 6. Don't forget to let go
There are several behavioral techniques that can be employed to block obsessive thoughts about your ex, all depending on your ability to identify and take a certain action when a thought about your ex arises, blocking and preventing the idea from coming back. Remember that these methods should only be used for obsessive thoughts; if you haven't already tried to put an end to such emotions and “growth” for them to pass, don't try to suppress them.
- Put a rubber strap around your wrist. Whenever something about the ex-boyfriend comes to mind, pull it out and let it go.
- Another option is to write down what comes to mind when thinking about your ex. Then tear up the paper and throw it away.
- Try a visualization exercise. In it, you have to mentalize a specific scene whenever a thought about the person arises. View, for example, the “Stop” road sign to remind yourself not to think about it anymore. When using this technique frequently, the association should become automatic.
Part 2 of 3: Eliminating Everything That Reminds You of Your Ex-boyfriend
Step 1. Avoid contact with this individual
Even if you want to be friends with him, it's important to distance yourself for a while, as the emotional wounds will still be wide open. In time, they will close and it will even be possible to meet him again to maintain the friendship.
- Not allowing yourself this period may keep you thinking of him as a partner, as the couple bond will not be broken.
- Take a moment to think of reasons to maintain a friendship with him. If there is a fear of living without it, this may be an unconscious way to deal with the pain of breaking up.
- Most people end up not having any kind of friendship with ex-boyfriends or spouses. When you realize that neither of you is comfortable as friends, don't feel bad, even after the “mourning” period.
Step 2. Get rid of belongings shared with the individual
Noticing that you're thinking about your ex while wearing a watch he gave you or finding a box of DVDs you were watching together may indicate that it's time to dispose of those items.
- Donating items is a good option if you don't want to throw them away.
- Take any photo of the ex in the house.
- If there is no way to get rid of the belongings they shared because they lived together, “revitalize” the environment by giving it new “energy”. Paint the wall a different color or rearrange the furniture, for example. It will feel like you are living in a place of your own, not in the house you shared with the ex.
Step 3. Avoid “snooping around” your ex-boyfriend
It's impossible to stop thinking about it when getting notifications and updates to a person's profile on social media. Even when there was no fight or disagreement at the end, it might be a good idea not to follow it anymore on social media; likewise, stop making your way to work that passes her house or asking mutual friends how she is doing.
Step 4. Change your routine
People often develop a routine to share moments with their peers; continuing to follow her after the relationship ends can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and lead to thoughts of the ex. Create a new routine on your own; instead of having breakfast on Saturday at that bakery near where he lives, walk to a new bakery that has opened near his home.
Part 3 of 3: Focusing on Other Things
Step 1. Be social
Surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones will make you think only of the positive aspects of your life and “forget” your ex. In addition, it is important to engage in hobbies and activities that are pleasurable, especially those that were prevented by the previous spouse.
- If your social life revolved around such an individual, it's important to go out and make new friends. Become a club member or participate in volunteer activities to meet people.
- When emotional support was provided by your ex, try to find someone other than a romantic partner for that kind of support. Sometimes the support of a sibling or close friend can positively surprise you, with great affection and affection.
- Keeping your head occupied will help you forget about your ex more easily. When you notice that you are obsessively thinking about him when he is alone at home, try to occupy yourself with something; it could be dinner with a friend, going to a movie alone, or just taking a walk.
Step 2. Think about your future
It's understandable to feel that the future is uncertain at the moment, especially after you've planned a life with your ex. Try to focus on the positives, reminding yourself of all the great things you can achieve without this person.
Try to enjoy the life you have in the present. Even if you want to have another relationship, there are many benefits to being single; enjoy them while you can
Step 3. Focus on taking care of yourself
To perk up a little more, it's necessary to adopt healthy habits; be physically active, sleep well and have a healthy lifestyle. Not only will it be better for your health, but it can also be a way to “escape” thoughts about your ex.
Meditation helps you get positivity again, letting go of the stress associated with ending the relationship
Step 4. When you are ready, find a new love
There is no exact period for someone to start dating again, so do what feels right. Just don't jump into any relationship because you don't want to be alone, but don't be afraid to go out there and look for someone special!
Some people struggle and continue to think about previous boyfriends even after they engage in another healthy relationship. If that's the case, it's no use suppressing these thoughts. Instead, replace them with a memory of a time when you felt great love for your current partner. Love is a strong emotion and it helps you to resist the temptation to talk to your ex again
It takes a little patience and time to get over the breakup of a relationship
- Although emotions are heightened after the end of a relationship, Never threaten an ex-boyfriend – whether verbally or physically – and don't even say you're going to hurt yourself to make him feel guilty.
- When feelings of hurt and anger after the breakup of a relationship are strong and lead to suicidal thoughts, see a psychologist or therapist immediately, or talk to a relative to help you.