Fights don't start from scratch, they get worse. You need to learn to control your emotions, setting boundaries, deciding what to ignore and what to stand for and what to care about. You need to be in control of the situation if you're worried about a fight. Learn to distinguish between good and bad fights and to defend yourself.
Part 1 of 3: Setting boundaries
Step 1. Decide what your limit is and set it
Some things are not worth fighting for, but each person's limit is different. Your brother stole your toy? Did your boyfriend forget what time you were supposed to meet? Is the guy next to you at the bar saying unkind things about a woman? Certain things deserve to be challenged, but others can be ignored. What is your limit? What should someone do to overtake him?
- Decide if you are “fighting the good fight” or just being mean. If you think the behavior will seriously affect your emotional and physical well-being or is completely unnecessary, speak up.
- Whenever you are threatened with emotional or physical abuse, the threshold has been crossed. Get out of the situation and get help immediately if you feel in danger. Offensive behavior must be stopped - you must walk away or put an end to it.
Step 2. Stay calm when people push their limits
Stupid fights happen when you allow yourself to have an emotional reaction, which often results in excessive behavior. Whenever someone starts teasing you and pushes you beyond your limits, step back, take a deep breath, and calm down before doing anything. So you can react more intelligently.
That's what bullies want from you: a reaction. If you don't allow yourself to fall for them or act irrationally, you probably won't get involved in fights that don't need to happen
Step 3. Assess the situation
Who is teasing him and what is his intention? Do they know they are offending? Are they just trying to get a reaction out of you? It's important to find out what's going on so you don't act stupid and cause an argument that doesn't need to take place.
- If you're being teased by a stranger, bully, or an acquaintance who is just being rude, it's important to stay calm, but speak up. Don't start yelling as this will only make the situation worse and get it out of control.
- If provoked by a family member, co-worker, partner, or loved one, you may be less inhibited and more inclined to scream or react emotionally. In these cases, it's even more important to step back and calm down. Before reacting, analyze what is causing you anger.
Step 4. Use your words first
The first thing you must do in any situation is speak up. “Starting a fight” shouldn't be your goal, but solving the problem. The physical confrontation will depend on the gravity of the situation, the people involved and what is said. But everything must start with a conversation, whatever the situation and the people.
Step 5. Ask for help if needed
If you are in the minority or are in an extremely hostile environment, don't try to start a fight alone. In some situations, you won't be able to win. In others, it's important to have witnesses present so that no one accuses others of anything if things get bad.
- Witnesses are very important in serious fights. Whether you're at work, at school or even at home, it's important to have someone around so that everyone can see and agree with what happened.
- It's also important to have someone to calm things down and break up the fight in case it gets worse than you thought, or who can call the authorities.
Step 6. Avoid any fights if possible
You can usually alleviate a situation with intelligence before having to worry about “winning” an argument or defending yourself in a physical fight. If you stay calm in a more serious situation, you will react better than the other person.
Never, under any circumstances, should you start and instigate fights without a proper reason. That's what bullies do and it's also physical harassment, which can be penalized
Part 2 of 3: Defending Yourself
Step 1. Say what you need to say calmly
Confront the person who is bothering you as calmly and concisely as possible and say what you need to say. Ask her to stop with a few words. Get up, make eye contact, and say, “I need you to stop doing this right now. He is well?".
If you talk about something that you think might cause an argument, you need to learn to do it calmly and confidently to set the terms and tone of the discussion. Say something like “I'm upset but I'm not angry. I think we need to talk about this and it might take a while.” Read this article for more information on having secure discussions in a relationship
Step 2. Make eye contact
It's important to establish yourself well in any kind of confrontation to show you're serious. Avoiding eye contact allows bullies to provoke you even more, but a steady gaze shows confidence and seriousness. Otherwise, people may feel that they can intimidate you.
Many fights can be ended with a very steady gaze and few words. Face the person and say, "Stop now" or just "Stop."
Step 3. Focus on yourself
Use “I” statements if you have more to say in a discussion. It's important to focus on your own feelings, as the other person can feel attacked and things can get worse. Try to avoid this anyway.
- Instead of saying “You're too boring” or “You're being ridiculous with this woman” or “You stole my toy,” focus on yourself. Say “I feel unfairly provoked. Can we talk about this?” or "I think she doesn't need to be treated like that and I don't want to hear it." Or say "This toy is mine and I want it back."
- Don't say things just to criticize or complain. It's important to stay as calm as possible - that way you'll have a lot more credibility and appear more intimidating. Things will have more meaning if people see that you are not reacting.
Step 4. Give the choice to the other person
This is a good way to wrap things up in the discussion phase. If your friend doesn't stop teasing you or your partner is fussing over you all the time, be clear and give him a choice. Say “I want you to know that if you don't stop what you're doing, this will end here. You have this chance. If I do it more than once, I'm leaving”.
Keep what you promise if you need to. If you threaten to do something if the person doesn't stop, you really need to do it
Step 5. Become the adult in the situation
When confronted, many bullies rely on childish and immature tactics. They will laugh at you for being serious, they will scream and tease you. They will try to get you to react. It's extremely important to stay calm. Imagine that you have an impenetrable bubble around you and wait for them to say something offensive.
- Don't fall for provocations. Someone might talk about something that has nothing to do with it, bring up the past, brag about something, or say ridiculous things like "Who do you think you are?" Don't respond to any of this and just use your opening statement, repeating “I need you to stop this. Now".
- If someone loses control and acts irrationally at work, give them time to rethink things. If your boss gets nervous about something small, stand up and say, “I'm going outside for a minute and waiting in the hallway. When you're calmer, we can talk. I want to be treated like an adult”.
Step 6. Stop talking
Most discussions get to the point where it's no use saying the same things over and over again. If you've already said what you needed to, ignore it and think about talking again when both people have had a chance to calm down. It's even more important to back off if you feel yourself getting angry to the point where you want to explode. Know when it's necessary to ignore and walk away.
Part 3 of 3: Defending Yourself Physically
Step 1. Never start a physical fight if you can help it
Physical fighting is never recommended and should only happen if you don't have a choice. If you feel like you need to defend yourself physically, learn to do it with strength and intelligence and finish it as quickly as possible. However, never, under any circumstances, start a fight.
- Starting a fight with someone is, technically, harassment and assault. If you want to fight as a sport or get rid of aggression, take boxing lessons, or train at a gymnasium for the arts.
- However, if you are confronted by an attacker and need to defend, it is sometimes better to punch first and try to end the fight quickly. If you're in control of things, chances are you'll be able to end the fight any way you like.
Step 2. Maintain a defensive posture
When it comes to fighting, defend yourself with the right posture. It's important to keep your knees bent and your weight forward to stay balanced and be able to move. If you stand flat and loose with your opponent, you will end up getting punched.
- Bend your knees and turn slightly on your side with your hips, turning your non-dominant side towards your opponent. Step forward with your non-dominant foot.
- Raise your hands with fists clenched, but not so tight that they cut off circulation. Place your non-dominant hand forward, near your eyes, and your non-dominant hand near the side of your face.
- Keep moving, jumping and jumping with the balls of your feet. If you keep your foot on the ground, you could end up getting punched in the face and losing.
Step 3. Learn to punch correctly
First, clench your fist properly by placing your thumb under your fingers, as if you were holding an insect inside your hand. Keep your elbows tucked in and think of punches in straight lines, not big curves. The punch should come out very straight as it will be much stronger than a loose turn.
- When attacking, thrust your fist straight and straight, using a short, compact movement that will be quite strong. Step forward when punching with your dominant hand for even more power.
- Try to reach the nose, stomach, kidneys, below the ribs and jaw. Don't punch someone in the side of the head as you will break your fingers.
- Use other members too. Feet, elbows, head and knees are all effective if you want to end a fight as quickly as possible.
Step 4. Move forward.
When you're in a fight, the instinct is usually to move backwards, but you need to learn to resist that urge and throw a punch. If you think you're going to get punched in the head or face, tense your jaw and neck muscles and keep going as far as possible. If he goes backwards, chances are he'll end up getting punched with as much force as possible.
Step 5. End the fight as quickly as possible
A punch to the side of the jaw or the belly ends most fights. Most people don't want to fight. Try to end the fight as soon as you can and move on before things get too bad.
If anyone gets knocked down, the fight should end. Leave the scene or call the police if necessary. Always tell the truth
Step 6. Don't stay on the floor
Getting into a fight is not a martial art. The objective is not to put the opponent on the ground and submit him there. It is important to keep these fights very short and safe, relatively speaking, and you must not allow yourself to be knocked down and beaten to the ground in any way. If you keep fighting when the person falls, you could end up being accused of harassment and assault.
- If someone tries to knock you down, spread your legs and keep the base wide. Get out of the way if possible.
- If you fall, protect your face and try to get up as soon as possible. Fighting on the ground leaves you vulnerable to all kinds of strangulation and punches.
- Have friends to say you didn't start the fight.
- Always see if it's someone you can fight!