When someone asks for a break, you may feel sad or afraid of losing the person. Even though it's okay to get upset, it's important to do what the other person asked if you want your relationship to survive. Stand back so the person has the space they need, but let them know you're doing it to help the relationship. As you give this space, focus on yourself to make things easier for yourself. Then try to fix the relationship.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Respect the Space Each Other Needs
Step 1. Ask her how much space she wants, if possible
Try to get the person to set a period by which you'll be apart, even if they've just agreed on a day for you to talk and see how you are doing. Also ask what she expects from you, such as limiting communication or not talking when they are in public. This helps you do exactly what she's asking and avoids miscommunications that could damage the relationship.
- Say, for example, “I really want to give you the space you need. Can you explain to me how you want this to work so I know what to expect?”
- For example, the person may ask you not to contact them at all for a few days. This includes messaging, social media and face-to-face conversations. However, it may allow occasional messages, as long as you give it space.
Step 2. Tell her you are giving this space because you care
One of the downsides of giving someone space is that they may start to think you don't care about them. This leaves you in a sticky situation, because the person can get angry if you bother them too. To make sure the two of you get along, explain that you'll only walk away until she wants to get closer again.
Say “You are very important to me and I realized that you need some space right now. I'll give you the space you need and hope it strengthens our relationship in the future.”
Step 3. Stop calling or texting the person during this time
Generally, you will have to allow a space of a few days or even weeks, depending on what happened. During this time, do not call or send messages (beyond what was agreed). If you do, she'll get the feeling that you're not respecting what's been asked and might get even more upset.
- If you can, ask her what she prefers. Say "Do you want me to stop calling or texting you until you call me?"
- Making space is not just about not seeing the person. If you keep texting, you're not making room for the other.
Tip:
how long you need to go without calling or texting will depend on what happened and how much space the person needs.
Step 4. Stay away from the person's social media profiles
You will probably want to know what the person is doing, and that is understandable. However, if you keep digging through her social networks, it will hurt both of you. You will be anxious and make the other feel watched. Prefer to stay away from the person's social networks to avoid problems.
Don't like or comment on anything she posts. Don't ask the friends you have in common what she's been doing too
Tip:
do not post targeted to the person on social media. If she sees the post, it will upset her and give the impression that you are trying to get in touch using the networks.
Step 5. Avoid the places you know the person frequents so you won't find them
You may not be able to avoid it 100%, especially if you live together or go to the same school. However, do your best not to go places where the person might be, such as their workplace or their favorite restaurant. This helps to avoid awkward encounters that make each other uncomfortable.
For example, let's say a person likes to buy coffee at the same coffee shop every day. If she finds you there, she'll assume you just went to the cafeteria to see her
Step 6. Don't ask what she is doing or monitor her activities
When someone asks for space, it is because they need time to explore their independence and decide what they want from the relationship. If you demand to know everything the other is doing, you are not giving them the independence they need. Let the other do what he thinks is right for himself without having to tell you the details.
- You may feel like asking "Who are you going out with?" Do not do this! This type of question will make the other feel that you are not respecting their space.
- Don't try to put up rules such as who the person can see what she can do during that time apart.
Method 2 of 3: Focus on you
Step 1. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, but don't act on impulse
Getting away from someone you care about is very difficult. You may be sad, nervous, frustrated or worried. Understand what you are feeling and express your emotions in a healthy way, such as writing in a journal or doing an artistic activity. Don't do anything about what you're feeling or it will make things worse than they already are.
- For example, you can say to yourself “I'm feeling really sad because Alex is my best friend and I might lose this friendship”. This alleviates what you are feeling.
- On the other hand, calling Alex and crying because you're sad is not a good idea.
Step 2. Distract yourself by doing fun things and hanging out with your friends
Instead of worrying about what the other person is doing, use that time to do what you love most. Spend time with your friends, practice your hobbies or try something new. Fill your free time with fun things that will keep you busy.
For example, see a movie on Monday, call friends to play on Tuesday, practice painting on Wednesday, practice magic tricks on Thursday, and go to the stadium to see your team play on Friday
Tip:
keeping busy decreases your chances of breaking down and calling the person. If you have fun without her, you will give her the space she needs without suffering.
Step 3. Keep your mind busy so you don't think about the other
You're probably very worried about losing this person, but thinking about it won't help. On the contrary, it will only make him even sadder and make him look for her before his time. Do something to occupy your mind, like reading, playing games or watching a documentary, so you can think of something else.
For example, let's say you found yourself thinking about the person at lunch at work. Try reading a book to occupy your mind
Step 4. Talk to someone you trust if you need to talk about what you're feeling
You're probably sad, and venturing to someone can help you feel better. Talk about the situation with a person you trust. Make it clear if you want advice or just want to talk about what you're feeling.
You can say “I'm going through a difficult situation and I wanted to let off steam. My boyfriend asked me for a break and I'm afraid we're going to break up. I miss him a lot.”
Variation:
if you don't want to tell someone how you're feeling, try writing in a journal.
Step 5. practice self care to live better.
Taking care of yourself will make you feel better and demonstrate your independence to others. Eat healthy, exercise and take care of your personal hygiene. Also do cool things on your own, like buying your favorite coffee, taking a long shower or walking in the park.
Make a schedule to make it easier for you to maintain a self-care routine as you go through this situation
Method 3 of 3: Fixing Things
Step 1. Identify why the other person needed a space
Think about what happened before the person asked for a break and what they said when they communicated it to you. Then ask yourself what you could have done differently and how you can make things better in the future.
- For example, maybe you had a fight or the person thinks you are too clingy.
- If the person is ready, talk to them about what made them ask for a break. Say "What did I do to cause this removal?"
Step 2. Apologize for the mistakes you made
The two of you have probably done things you're not proud of, but you can only control what you've done. Say that you understand what happened and that you regret it. Then say that you will make an effort not to repeat this behavior in the future.
- Say, for example “I understand that I didn't respect the fact that you need to have time to spend with your friends. I didn't mean to control you and I'm sorry you felt that way. In the future, I will respect the time you need to be with the other people who are important to you.”
- Another example would be “I'm sorry I talked to your ex at the party. I know you were sad about it and I'm going to put our friendship first going forward.”
Step 3. Plan something cool for you guys to do on the day you meet
It might be uncomfortable at first and you might be tempted to talk about what you're feeling. However, the best way to rebuild the relationship is to do something fun together. Pick something you both like and invite each other.
- Try to find something that doesn't involve a lot of deep conversation. For example, bowling, mini golf, a trail or a show.
- Choose something you both love to remind you how much you enjoy each other's company.
Step 4. You both need time to be independent and you must ensure that
A healthy relationship allows people to grow in it, chase the things they want, and enjoy the other relationships they have. Talk to each other to define what you both need to feel fulfilled in the relationship. Change the routine you had so that you can remain independent and happy.
- In a romantic relationship, the two may need a few nights to practice their hobbies or see friends.
- In a friendship, you might both need to respect the fact that you have other friends and shouldn't have contact with each other's ex-boyfriends.
- Among family members, like siblings, you may have to learn to respect each other's space, allow each other time to be alone each day, and ask before using each other's things.
Step 5. Communicate with the person daily by text, phone, or in person
No relationship survives without communication, so look for ways to connect with each other. Tell jokes, ask how the day went, or set aside time every night for you to talk. Talk about it to decide how good communication would be for you.
- For example, if you live together, you can talk in person a lot. If they don't see each other so often, they can text each other during the day.
- If the person wants to talk to you less often, respect what they want.