You knew from the start that dating a roommate, co-worker, or classmate was a bad idea, but you decided to ignore the reason. Starting a love affair is always exciting, but now that it's over, you'll have to come up with a strategy to ease the awkwardness of the situation. To work, such a strategy must aim at distancing yourself from the situation, cultivating a positive lifestyle, and overcoming the end of the relationship.
Part 1 of 3: Distancing yourself from the situation
Step 1. Recognize the loss
Relationships are important. They teach us to love and be loved, they allow us to experience the ups and downs of love, they help us learn things about ourselves that we would not otherwise learn. These elements are crucial for a full life. Whether you were responsible for the breakup or not, a period of grief will follow the end of the relationship.
- Tell the person, "I want you to acknowledge that I didn't feel good when I ended the relationship. I know that the fact that we need to see each other will, for a while, be difficult and embarrassing. Despite everything, I will do my best to respect the individual space of each one, and I would like you to do the same." This may lead to a new discussion, in which you can reinforce your desire to stay away.
- It is critical to recognize the importance of the relationship in your personal development, no matter how short or torrid it may have been.
- If you suppress the feelings of separation or pretend the relationship didn't matter, you won't be able to learn anything from the experience.
Step 2. Allow yourself to suffer
Most people learn to achieve things, but few learn to let go of them. Whether the loss is related to a relationship, a family member, a job, a physical ability, or the trust you placed in someone, the resulting harm must be understood and controlled. Grief is a complex emotion that manifests itself in many ways.
- Grief, like grief, is a five-step process that can help you better understand the experience of loss: denial, shock, negotiation, depression, anger, and acceptance.
- Start recording your grief in a journal, always describing the feelings you have at each stage.
- Grief is an individual journey. Everyone experiences it differently.
- Maybe some phases take longer than others.
- Don't speed up - and don't allow others to try to speed up - the process of loss. This process has a rhythm of its own, and respecting it is essential for healing.
Step 3. Recompose yourself
Separations always have an emotional cost. To make this journey, you will need dedication and effort. Get ready for the challenges that await you. Depression is, to some extent, a normal reaction to this type of event, but recovering from depression is a way to gain self-confidence.
Say to yourself, "I am capable. I can get through this situation because I am strong and I will recover."
Step 4. Predict possible scenarios
Anticipate, mentally or with the help of a friend, every possible interaction between you and your former spouse. If you do this with the help of others, choose someone you trust who won't say anything to anyone - you don't want to add even more fuel to the fire. Rehearsing verbal and physical reactions decreases anxiety and ensures better performance in situations where you are forced to confront your ex.
- Ask yourself, "What will I do when I run into the person in the elevator?" An appropriate response would be, "Hi! What an embarrassing elevator ride, isn't it?"
- You can also wait for the next elevator - no one can make you do what you don't want.
Step 5. Don't speed up the process
Emotions tend to manifest themselves even more violently when we try to suppress or ignore them. Recovering from the end of a relationship takes a while, when it's normal to feel tired or impatient. Engage this energy in activities that help you shake off these thoughts.
- Doing a pleasurable activity helps pass the time and release the intense emotions you are feeling.
- Distract yourself from your worries by watching movies or running a marathon in a television series. Avoid romantic comedies and love stories, which could make your anguish worse.
- To redirect time and concentration, play board games, join a book club, etc.
Step 6. To get life back on track, take the initiative
The most obvious and effective way to deal with this conflict is to change jobs, apartments, or classes. Such an attitude, when possible, is the most practical. But there are people who cannot deprive themselves of the circumstances that force the relationship with the old partner. In that case, create a feeling of "change" to distance yourself from the situation.
- Start taking different paths within the work environment.
- Establish a daily routine in such a way as to avoid encounters with the person.
- During classes, stay across the room or out of her sight.
- Do whatever is necessary to increase the distance between you. This creates the feeling that you are closer to overcoming the problem.
- Don't wait for the other to take the initiative to walk away. You guys need to back off anyway, so do it as soon as possible.
Part 2 of 3: Adopting a Positive Lifestyle
Step 1. Take advantage of the situation
Changes can be very good. Some relationships are emotionally draining, bringing more anguish than reward. Recognize the freedom you enjoy that will certainly bring new opportunities.
- Enjoy the relief of not having to worry about the other person or the problems they brought into your life.
- Take advantage of the time you spend away from work to build healthier relationships with friends or other people who spark a romantic interest in you.
Step 2. Be positive when meeting your former spouse
Conduct the conversation lightly - avoid deep reflections, arguments, old issues and complaints. Show a calm and an optimism undisturbed by the negativity and strangeness of the situation.
- Talking about positive things helps to keep the conversation from turning into negative discussions.
- Nothing can affect your well-being if you keep a positive attitude. Reacting to provocations increases the person's power over you. You must stay in control and be responsible for your feelings.
Step 3. Don't be so critical of yourself
Try to accept the circumstances. Forgive yourself if you feel guilt or remorse for starting a relationship that compromised your professional, personal, or academic life so much. Forgiving yourself doesn't mean "forgetting" what you've done, which would leave you liable to make the same mistake-forgive yourself with the intention of learning from your mistakes and avoiding further attempts at self-sabotage in the future.
Step 4. Pretend until you incorporate the lie
Actors are paid to pretend. But even those who aren't actors need, from time to time, to pretend they're fine, no matter how broken they may be inside. This prevents you from hurting yourself further. When you are forced to interact with the person, do your best not to show discomfort.
- Resist the feelings raised in these conversations. If you are having difficulty processing them, you can discuss them with a family member or friend later.
- Talking about your own feelings is a legitimate way to process them, and it will likely make you feel better.
Step 5. Use silence to your advantage
Many people are uncomfortable when they are silent and, to relieve the tension, feel obligated to say something. Learn to be comfortable when you are silent with the other person. If there's nothing to say to her, be quiet. By developing this skill, you will be able to find it without feeling embarrassed.
- Staying silent is not impolite.
- Remember that most people are uncomfortable when they're silent, so it's normal for them to ask questions or make comments. Answer them as you see fit.
Part 3 of 3: Moving Forward
Step 1. Learn from mistakes
If you think embarking on this relationship was a big mistake, let your heartache keep you from making the same mistake in the future. Certain rules of life have a reason for being; by obeying them, you move away from suffering and closer to happiness. Follow this simple yet profound principle to ensure a bright future.
Step 2. Design an overcoming strategy that doesn't depend on other people
Being self-reliant is the best way to get over the end of a relationship. You know what makes you happy, so do activities that encourage positive feelings.
Step 3. Seek professional help to identify the behaviors you would like to get rid of if you are unable to do so on your own
Psychologists and psychiatrists can be found online, in the yellow pages or in the health plan catalogue. Give preference to professionals registered by the Federal Council of Psychology (for residents of Brazil) or by the Ordem dos Psicólogos (for residents of Portugal).
Step 4. Defend your decisions and your lifestyle
It's your life - it's your right to enjoy it as you see fit. Defending a point of view is a way of reminding the world and yourself that you have a right to be happy. When we get over bad experiences, we send the message that we're ready for the good things in life, and other people, in turn, realize that there's been a positive change.
People will make comments like, "Have you been changing your appearance? It's very beautiful." To them, you can reply, "Thank you. Yes, I decided to be happy, and it looks like it's working!"
- It's hard to understand human behavior. We all make mistakes, but we don't have to repeat them.
- When you see your old partner with someone, don't show any jealousy, no matter how great.
- Show the person that you are happy and fine without them.
- Don't be in a hurry to start another relationship.
- Don't start a relationship with someone you don't love just to make you jealous. Respect other people's feelings.
- It could be that your ex tries to get back together. Consider your options well and make a reasonable decision.
- Busy yourself with something. Dedicating yourself to a new hobby or activity helps you to forget about an old relationship.
- Ask your friends to use "friend" instead of "ex-boyfriend" to refer to the former partner.
- Leading life with determination and self-confidence will help you attract healthier relationships.
- Don't try to ruin your old partner's new relationship.
- If your ex continues to ignore you despite your attempts to be friendly, let it go. You don't need to be friends with everyone. And a real friend wouldn't behave that way.
- Don't be too nice and don't flirt with your former spouse for fun - this could be interpreted as a desire to get back together.
- It's normal to have seizures and relapses, but the more frequent they are, the more you push people away.
- Remember that drinking alcohol lowers inhibitions and increases the likelihood that you will make decisions you will later regret.
- The habit of forming romantic relationships with co-workers creates a reputation that can lead to your being fired or prosecuted for sexual harassment.