4 Ways to Deal With Confused Feelings for Someone

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4 Ways to Deal With Confused Feelings for Someone
4 Ways to Deal With Confused Feelings for Someone
Anonim

Having mixed feelings for someone often leaves the person feeling uncomfortable, tired and with that feeling of "being stuck in the same place". The term "confused feelings" means feeling diverse and often contradictory emotions about a person or a situation. This happens a lot when we meet someone, are faced with a situation or behaviors that are different from the common one, or receive new information, which we need to process. Having this sense of confusion doesn't just apply to romantic relationships or just old-time relationships. Such a problem may appear in relation to a friend, a co-worker or even a family member; that is, a person you already know very well. An example might be the following: you love and admire that great friend because he is polite and considerate. At the same time, you feel a little jealous, as he's popular and always gets everyone's attention around him. To deal with these mixed feelings about someone, look for a solution and ask for help when needed.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Identifying Feelings

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 1

Step 1. Make a list of how you feel about that person

Use the "PICC" ​​(Problem Identification, Decisions, Consequences) model to break down feelings. The first step is to identify them all. Examples of some emotions could be: fascination, uncertainty, embarrassment, etc.

  • Make a list of all the feelings you can identify. Be careful not to classify them into "positives" or "negatives" as we usually do in a list of pros and cons. Just write. Emotions are never just "good" or "bad"; they always have a purpose.
  • For example, your feelings toward a co-worker or acquaintance might include: disorientation, respect, annoyance, or exasperation.
  • On the other hand, the emotions felt in relation to someone closest, be it a best friend or a family member, can be: love, disappointment, irritation, comfort, etc.
Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 2

Step 2. Think about recent times you and the person were together

Identifying mixed feelings is not always easy. To make it easier, start by taking this trip into the recent past and then think about naming the sensations. That is, think about situations in which you were together and then write down the feelings you had during the moment.

  • You may even find that the emotions of the moment weren't really about the person, but about something specific said or done in that situation.
  • For example, you had a romantic date, and the first impression was great. Then the person invites you to a party where you don't know anyone, so you end up feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. In this example, the unknown environment was the cause of the emotions, not necessarily the person himself.
Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 3

Step 3. Identify the root of the problem

The factors for which you have had this or that feeling can be many. It's not always the other person's fault. Try to locate the source of each emotion.

  • This is even more specific than just identifying the situation. First, think back to when you felt a certain way. Then identify what was said or done immediately before.
  • For example, if you remember feeling rejected during a date, it could be because the person walked in front of you during a walk. Perhaps this isolated moment was the source of the feeling of rejection.
  • Next to each emotion and situation listed, note the cause of the feeling.

Method 2 of 4: Separating the Feelings of the Person

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 4

Step 1. Examine your own feelings

Doing so is the next step after identifying the emotions and understanding when they happened. The causes of these confused feelings can be many. And understanding them will help resolve this situation.

For example, if you have low self-esteem, you may not feel good enough for that person and, consequently, you will not allow yourself to have a healthy relationship with them

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 5

Step 2. Think about the people who have gone through your life

We often have mixed feelings for someone simply because they remind us of a certain person. In this way, we unconsciously have exaggerated expectations or even "assign" a certain quality to a person based on past experiences. Such a process is called "transfer". Does your boss remind you of that hated first grade teacher, so you have trouble obeying him?

Think of the individuals who made you feel how you are feeling now about this new person. Then try to identify a pattern

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 6

Step 3. Consider the way the person treats you

Does she act with respect? Or is it abusive? When someone treats us well at a certain moment and then is mistreating us, it's normal to be confused by our own feelings. Think about how you are treated. Do mixed emotions happen at such a time?

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 7

Step 4. Be honest with yourself

Identifying one's own feelings - which may or may not be related to the other - is fundamental to understanding how to deal with them. Once you can separate them from the emotions caused by the person, you will finally be able to identify what you are really feeling.

Method 3 of 4: Finding a Solution

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 8

Step 1. Write down possible decisions to be made

Now that you have an idea of ​​the causes of feelings, you can determine what to do. To do this, write down all the possible paths to be taken. Even if the decision isn't the ideal one, write it down anyway to get an overall picture of the situation. For example, a list for a co-worker or acquaintance might look like this:

  • Feeling: disorientation.
  • Situation: A friend praised a project I did, but an hour later he criticized me.
  • Possible decisions: talk to the person, be quiet, talk about the problem with other people, start a gossip about the person, tell the problem to the boss, etc.
Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 9

Step 2. Identify the possible consequences

Beside each decision, write down everything that could happen. The list might look like this:

  • Decision: Talk to the person.

    • Possible consequence 1: she is offended.
    • Possible consequence 2: She receives the message positively.
    • Possible consequence 3: I feel vulnerable telling how the situation affected me.
  • Decision: be quiet.

    • Possible consequence 1: the problem remains.
    • Possible consequence 2: the problem goes away on its own.
    • Possible consequence 3: I will continue to be uncomfortable.
  • Decision: Talking about the problem with others.

    • Possible Consequence 1: I'll feel better after I let it out.
    • Possible consequence 2: nothing changes.
Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 10

Step 3. Review all the pros and cons

That is, think about all the possible consequences and think about your level of discomfort with each one of them. Think about what it will look like after making a certain decision. Likewise, think about what the other person will look like.

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 11

Step 4. Make a decision

Based on all possible outcomes, choose the one you feel most comfortable with. It also needs to be satisfactory to everyone involved. Start by choosing an option that provides a desired result and whose consequences you are willing to face.

  • In a situation with a friend, for example, starting to gossip about the person is not ideal. The consequences in this case can be painful and even disrupt your friendship with the person. In that case, it's probably best to be quiet for a while. The person may be having a rough day and has ended up taking it out on you. Or maybe you weren't more sensitive that day?
  • Be ready to face the consequences listed above.
Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 12

Step 5. If you are not satisfied with the result, try a different approach

If being quiet doesn't resolve the situation, go back through the list and choose another course of action. However, just as before, choose something respectful for both of you.

Method 4 of 4: Looking for Help

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 13

Step 1. Exchange ideas with a trusted friend

Talking to someone else can help with the perspective issue, and you may even be able to think of other solutions to the problem. However, talk to a person you trust.

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 14

Step 2. Consult a psychologist to resolve this particular issue

Explaining and defining emotions is a complex and often painful process. That is why most psychotherapeutic work deals with these issues. A psychologist is trained to help you navigate the procedures of emotional clarity. What's more, he'll be able to notice certain points that weren't obvious to you. The subtleties and subtleties can help you understand how you really feel.

Deal With Mixed Feelings Towards Someone Step 15

Step 3. Face your own emotions

If you often find yourself in situations that you cannot resolve, it is best to seek professional help to break this chain. Treatment is also advisable if you notice an unproductive pattern in the way you look at all situations.

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