When a man hurts you, you may feel like hurting him in return, and such a desire for revenge may have a biological basis, as people often take pleasure in fantasizing about a rematch. Also, you might want to do a few things to get back at a guy if you're having a hard time controlling your feelings. However, try to keep a cool head, as acting aggressively or vengefully will only generate more conflict. The best way to get out with someone who has hurt you is to spend time with yourself. Strive to get in shape and move on. You'll feel vindicated enough when you show that you don't need your ex to be happy.
Part 1 of 3: Seeking Harmless Revenge
Step 1. Use social media to post an unfavorable photo of your ex
It doesn't have to be incriminating or too embarrassing, an unflattering photo is a great way to embarrass someone.
- Go through all the old photos you have of him. Does he look fatter in some of them? Are you making a strange face? Choose some extremely unfavorable photos.
- Post the photos on a social network that he frequently accesses. For example, if they're still friends on Facebook, tag him on each of them so he gets a notification.
Step 2. Register his email to receive junk mail
If you have his email address, register it to receive various forms of spam, but don't use any service that might try to steal any personal information from the guy or do anything illegal. Simply find several spam lists that are quite annoying. Sign it up to receive a daily horoscope, for example.
You could also register it in stores that have nothing to do with your ex. Provide his email address on your favorite makeup store's registration, for example, so he'll suffer from an inbox clogged with irrelevant promotions
Step 3. Flirt with some of his friends
If they are still at social events, try to flirt with his friends a little to provoke jealousy or insecurity. Strike up a conversation with a friend of your ex-boyfriend's and flirt during the conversation. Caress his arms casually, for example, while smiling and maintaining eye contact.
Be careful not to deceive anyone. Flirting a little can be fun, but don't make a person mistakenly believe they're interested in a relationship
Step 4. Try to pass some prank calls
Hazing is a fun and relatively harmless way to irritate someone. Have a friend pretend to be an employee of a credit card and phone company by charging you a late bill. He could also pretend to belong to the water, electricity or internet company and threaten to shut down services.
Be quiet while your friend is on the phone, as your ex can find out what's going on if he hears your laugh in the background
Step 5. Embarrass him in front of a new suitor
If you meet your ex-boyfriend and realize he's on a date, do something to embarrass him. Go to him and ask, in a loud voice, about some embarrassing object he has left in your apartment, for example. You could also politely introduce yourself to the other girl and tell an embarrassing story about him.
Don't be mean to the new girl. Remember, you were hurt by your ex, not her. Don't take your anger out on those who don't deserve it
Step 6. Ignore it
This is a very simple way to hurt someone. Just ignore him if he tries to contact you or wants to maintain a friendship. Do not respond to text messages, emails or phone calls. This will show that you are angry and that you still haven't forgiven him.
Exclude it from all social media ─ Many people feel offended when they are excluded by someone
Step 7. Make the reason for the anger known
Revenge isn't going to be satisfying if the guy doesn't understand why he's angry - the purpose of rematch is to make someone feel firsthand how much they hurt us. Make this very apparent so that you can feel better after going out with the guy.
- There are several ways to make someone understand why they are being treated a certain way. You could say the reason directly, like, "I'm not responding to your messages because of the way you treated me."
- If you're not talking to each other, try posting something on social media, on a page that you're sure he'll see.
Part 2 of 3: Leading your life normally
Step 1. Consider whether this is the right thing to do
Is revenge really necessary? Before taking any action, think deeply about your own motivations. What do you have to gain by taking revenge on this guy?
- The rematch may end up increasing anger rather than decreasing it. You may feel guilty, sad, or empty if you hurt another person out of revenge.
- Before attacking someone, wait and reflect on your actions. It's important that you make sure you know everything about the situation, or revenge could be unfair. Think hard about whether you will be happier if you go out with this person.
- Accept that the desire for revenge is natural, but remember that the anticipation can be better than the act itself. Perhaps the best option is to fantasize about the rematch, rather than actually chasing it.
Step 2. Start exercising
Feeling great after a breakup is the best form of revenge. Adopt an exercise routine to feel and look better, showing that the breakup has only helped you to improve even more.
- Choose an exercise that you like to practice and that you are less likely to give up. For example, start taking long bike rides if you love cycling around.
- Be careful when adopting a new exercise routine. Talk to a doctor before starting a new workout and calmly engage in any type of physical activity. Avoid excessive effort.
Step 3. Take care of yourself
This is very important for people who have been heartbroken. Accept what you are feeling and take steps to deal with your suffering.
- Allow yourself to experience the emotions, dealing with each one of them. Suffer if you need to suffer, have a long fit of crying if you need to cry.
- Do things that make you happy. Go to the movies with friends and visit your family.
- Sometimes happiness is already a form of revenge. Imagine your ex-boyfriend seeing your photos and posts on social media and realizing that you're fine, thank you, without him. This could hit you more deeply than any act of revenge on your part.
Step 4. Focus on the present
Live in the now, not the past. Remember, no one can change the past, but we can all work to make the most of the present.
- From time to time, thinking about suffering is natural. When you feel like you are doing this, find a way to come back to the present moment. Think to yourself, "This is past and this is now. I want to move on."
- Think about all the good things in life. Focus on your hobbies, career and social life. Don't be distracted by petty thoughts.
Step 5. Think about forgiving
After you've spent some time recovering, maybe you should start thinking about forgiveness. This will help her feel like she's closed a chapter in her story.
- You don't have to accept what he's done to forgive him, just recognize that such negative attitudes don't make your ex-boyfriend a completely bad person. Think to yourself, "He made a mistake, like everyone else. I'm ready to let it go."
- Remember that forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. We need a lot of strength of character to be able to forgive someone who has hurt us.
Part 3 of 3: Confronting those who hurt you
Step 1. Put the feelings down on paper
Sometimes we can feel revenge when we let someone know how much they hurt us. So, if possible, say you want to talk to your ex-boyfriend - a productive confrontation can help you feel better. Try to put the feelings down on paper before the actual conversation.
- Write how you feel and why you feel that way. Try to find the best way to express how you were hurt.
- Focus on what you hope to get out of the conversation. Want to hear an apology? Do you want the guy to understand how you hurt her and made her feel bad?
Step 2. Let go of expectations as they can distort your behavior
We can have a hard time controlling our emotions when we are hurt and angry. You may end up angry or frustrated if you start the conversation expecting a specific reaction from your ex and, in the end, things don't go as expected.
- The conversation should flow naturally, no one should react with surprise or frustration if the dialogue is a little different from what you imagined.
- Start the conversation knowing you can't predict what's going to happen. That way, you'll be better prepared to deal with unexpected twists and turns.
Step 3. Use first person singular phrases
These sentences are designed to reduce any judgments because they focus the conversation on how you feel, not on your opinions of the other person. A first person singular statement is made up of three elements. It starts with: "I feel…", and at that point you should immediately express how you feel. Then, the phrase indicates the attitude that provoked that feeling. Finally, she explains why you feel that way.
- For example, you might want to say something like, "You really hurt me when you lied that you needed some time to yourself, and then you started dating someone else. You could have just said you weren't interested in me."
- Rephrase the sentiment above using a first person singular statement. For example: "I felt incredibly hurt when you said you didn't want to get into a serious relationship, but you got a girlfriend after a week. I wish you had been honest with me."
Step 4. Request an apology
This can really help you feel better. Apology softens the desire for revenge and helps us forgive someone who has hurt us. End the conversation by politely requesting an apology.
- Say something like, "I know you might believe you didn't do anything wrong, but I need to hear an apology."
- You'll feel much better when you let your feelings out and ask for forgiveness, and with your feelings avenged, you'll be better prepared to move on.