How to Accept That He's Just Not Into You

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How to Accept That He's Just Not Into You
How to Accept That He's Just Not Into You

Sometimes we need to accept the fact that we are simply not reciprocated by the person we care about. When you find yourself asking "Why doesn't he ever call? Why does he seem to care?", it's time to move on and find someone else - there are lots of fish in the sea. While it's painful, it's important to accept that this guy isn't all that into it-and move on. You deserve a relationship where you don't have to spend all your time figuring out how the other person feels.


Part 1 of 3: Facing the Facts

Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 01

Step 1. Stop making excuses for his behavior

When a guy really likes someone and is willing to have a relationship, his intentions are obvious. Otherwise, he's bullshitting you, isn't ready to date for some reason, or just doesn't want to have to tell you the truth.

Maybe he was hurt in a previous relationship and is still recovering from the experience, or maybe he just isn't interested, for whatever reason. You have no obligation to try to find out why he doesn't call, or to try to fix the situation

Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 02

Step 2. Watch for signs of a one-sided relationship

When one partner has to constantly repeat to himself that the other person will change if he waits a little longer, the relationship is probably one-sided. Some people say distance increases love, but it's more likely that this guy's distance only makes him more attractive to you, whereas he only looks for you when he feels like it.

  • Some signs that should be observed in the couple's daily life include one person being more interested than another, that is, a partner wanting to know more about the other's day, asking him out, asking what the other likes or what that he prefers, etc. Another sign is one person giving more priority to the relationship than the other, that is, always letting the partner know about plans, thinking about them before making decisions, taking time to call and do things together, etc.
  • If you find yourself listening to sad songs on the radio while staring at a phone that may never ring, the relationship is probably one-sided.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 03

Step 3. Pay attention to warning signs that have been ignored

Often actions speak louder than words. When you stop making excuses and finally see your boyfriend's disinterested behavior, you'll be free to find a more balanced relationship with someone who deserves your love. After all, you deserve someone who can't wait to spend more time with you, not someone who needs to be persuaded to call.

  • If you're not sure how he feels about you, if you're always wondering where the relationship is going, or whether or not you're dating, this guy probably isn't all that into it.
  • If the guy says he doesn't know what he wants, get out! Your feelings aren't reciprocated by him, and you deserve a relationship where you don't have to question what you mean to the other person.
  • Something is wrong if he calls or wants to meet you on weekends, but disappears on weekdays. You can tell yourself he's too busy with work or school, but a guy who's really interested and committed to the relationship will always find time to talk to his girlfriend.
  • If he talks too much about his ex-girlfriend, he's probably not over the breakup yet and therefore isn't ready or available for a new relationship.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 04

Step 4. Be honest with yourself

The best way to deal with the pain of rejection is to stop lying to yourself and pretend you don't care. Accept the fact that you made a mistake when you thought he was interested and that it broke your heart.

  • Consider the possibility that your feelings have increased simply because they haven't been reciprocated. Human beings often want something they cannot have.
  • Keep in mind that certain things are beyond your control. You can't make someone fall in love or even change their behavior, no matter how much you want to do it. The other person needs to be willing to change.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 05

Step 5. Accept your own feelings

They are valid and real, and understanding that falling in love with someone is perfectly normal human behavior can help you right now. Even if the love has not been returned, it is important to accept that you are in love with someone.

  • Talk to a trusted therapist or friend to help you reflect on these feelings. Resist the temptation to repress emotions just because they are painful.
  • Allow yourself to think about how you feel about the person, but try to limit your thoughts to just a few minutes a day. That way they won't become obsessive, nor will they consume all of your time.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 06

Step 6. Take care of yourself

Think positively about yourself, remembering all your strengths and all the things you love to do. Treat yourself to a relaxing day at the spa, go hiking during a beautiful sunny day, or spend time in the company of a dear friend.

  • Create a mantra. Think of a short, positive phrase that you can repeat to yourself when you're upset and want to feel like everything is going to be okay. It can be something as simple as "keep your head up and your heart open."
  • Every day, spend a few minutes meditating in a peaceful environment. View the experience as an opportunity for personal development, remembering that you won't feel this way forever. How we deal with loss helps us grow as human beings.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 07

Step 7. Regain control

Your value as a person has nothing to do with what this guy thinks of you. Remember that his lack of interest doesn't mean you don't deserve a great relationship with the right partner. Never let someone else's interest or disinterest define your own worth as a human being.

Put yourself in his shoes. Unless this guy is a sociopath, chances are he doesn't mean to hurt you. Have you ever needed to disappoint someone you weren't interested in? Remember, next time, maybe you're the one who won't be able to reciprocate someone's feelings

Part 2 of 3: Getting Rid of False Hopes

Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 08

Step 1. Control expectations

When the situation becomes clearer and you feel it is not being met, it is time to align expectations with reality. That expectation that today will be the day that guy asks you out, asks you to come back, or finally realizes you're his dream girl only serves to perpetuate a painful cycle of hope and disappointment.

  • Focus your expectations for the day on things you can control, like having lunch with a friend, getting to class on time, and spending some nice time outdoors.
  • Start every day with a positive outlook. Don't let your happiness depend on the other person - you have no control over how others feel, act or behave. You will have peace of mind when you can control your own expectations of what should happen on a given day.
  • Be open to all possibilities. For example, if he hasn't called in several days, stop stressing that he's going to call today. You will be freed from the pain of disappointment when you leave expectations behind.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 09

Step 2. Avoid "magical thoughts"

Magical thinking, a habit commonly acquired during childhood, is the tendency to romanticize everything and see meaning and purpose in a relationship that has neither. Giving up on the idea that one day a guy will realize we're perfect for him can be difficult when we believe he's the "ideal man," that fate has brought us together, or that he's our soul mate.

  • Take off your pink glasses. Allow yourself to see beyond your idealized version of this boy, seeing his true faults. The truth is, there is no such thing as a "perfect" person or relationship. Magical thinking is unhealthy because it sets fairy tale standards that no real person could compete with.
  • Forget about unhealthy beliefs and rituals, like getting up on the same side of the bed every morning in the hope that it will prompt you to call. Accept that there is no relationship between your attitudes and his attitude.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 10

Step 3. Allow yourself to suffer

When a lack of interest in a relationship becomes evident, it's time to deal with the pain. Be kind to yourself, as you are likely to be feeling ashamed and blaming yourself for falling in love with the wrong guy. Remember you are just a human being. We all have feelings, we hope and feel the need to love, it's human nature. Forgive yourself because you never intended to get hurt.

  • Treat yourself to a hot bath or a trip to the beauty salon.
  • Talk to friends and family and let them comfort you - everyone has been in a similar situation.
  • Go out alone to watch a movie you really want to see.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 11

Step 4. Act naturally

Repressing feelings around the person can be difficult, especially if you work or study with them. Instead of focusing on the guy and those nasty emotions, focus on doing your best at work, or helping someone else with a project.

  • Make plans to be somewhere else right after class or work; that way you won't have to be afraid to have an awkward conversation with him.
  • Always be reserved but kind when you need to talk to him.
Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 12

Step 5. Delete his contact information

Take courage and erase the guy's number from your cell phone so you won't be tempted to call or text. Also, break up friendships on social networks so you can't talk to him there, and also not to run the risk of seeing a photo of him with another girl, which would cause even more suffering.

Also remember to delete all text and voice messages so you won't be able to dwell on the past so much

Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 13

Step 6. Fill the calendar

Get involved in new activities and enjoy life - this is the time to enroll in that art course that has always interested you, or to travel somewhere.

To deal with rejection and grief, keep busy making plans with loved ones. Develop a daily routine and spend a lot of time with friends and family, always relying on their support

Part 3 of 3: Moving Forward

Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 14

Step 1. Don't be in a hurry

Unrequited love is a painful experience, so give yourself enough time to recover and reflect on what you've learned about yourself. A moment of introspection and reflection will help you understand what happened and find any negative patterns that often permeate your relationships.

Let go of regrets for what happened and see the situation as a time to heal your broken heart

Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 15

Step 2. Hang out with other people

Chances are, when you decide to go out with other suitors, you'll realize that the guy who broke your heart wasn't really the right person. There are many other fish in the sea!

Before throwing yourself into a new relationship, tell yourself, "I'm not looking for a prince charming. I'm not in a fairy tale, I'm complete on my own, I don't need a man to be happy."

Accept That He's Just Not That Into You Step 16

Step 3. Heal your heart

You are perfect just the way you are, as well as being the most important person in your life. Build a life you can be proud of and let no man determine your worth as a human being. Love yourself and be happy with yourself before trying to love someone else!

  • Make sure your heart is fully recovered before trying to give it to someone else. A temporary break from dating and flirting is a good idea.
  • Rebuild self-esteem. Probably, the rejection has shaken your self-confidence. Do lots of activities that help you feel more confident, such as playing your favorite sport or preparing dinner for the rest of the family.
  • Take time to do things that make you happy and fulfilled. Also, don't forget to spend some time alone.
  • Be patient with the overcoming process - it may take some time for the heart to recover from the pain of unrequited love.


  • Don't think too much about what happened, just move on. There are many men in the world!
  • Take the experience of unrequited love as a lesson, remembering how much you grew as a human being when you learned to love yourself.
  • Remember, a man who made her miserable didn't deserve her time and attention.


  • Don't talk about your suffering with everyone, or play the victim.
  • Don't call him when you're drunk.

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