If you have a difficult situation to face it's having to tell a guy to you that the feeling is not reciprocated. You certainly don't want to stall him, but you don't want to hurt his feelings either. Don't despair, as this is resolved with an honest conversation, in which you will have to talk about how you feel.
Part 1 of 3: Preparing for the conversation
Step 1. Find out if he really likes you
Don't do anything without being sure, or you could end up ruining a friendship based on assumptions or rumors that others have told you. Follow these tips to find out if he's into you:
- He constantly asks her out.
- He tries to make physical contact whenever he can.
- He always prefers to be alone.
Step 2. Don't push with your belly
The longer you wait, the more intense his feelings for you will become, and they may even end up losing their friendship when you say you have no interest.
Step 3. Don't run away from him forever
Fool yourself as much as you like, hoping you will "end up calling" if avoided for too long, but it just doesn't happen. You will have to make time for him and the conversation should be private – you don't want to humiliate him in front of everyone.
Step 4. Make a plan
Write down what you want to say before starting. Stuttering will make the conversation more awkward and take longer. Write down the topics you want to cover, such as what makes you not attracted to it. Don't offend him or say rude things to justify yourself; just be honest about it. For example:
- You can't forget your ex-boyfriend.
- You are not attracted to him.
- You like someone else.
Step 5. Talk over the phone
Talking over the phone or by text is also an option, as long as you are strict and make it clear that there is no chance of a relationship between you.
Part 2 of 3: Having the conversation
Step 1. Make the seriousness of the situation clear
That way, the boy will know that the conversation will not be superficial. Failing this part may cause him not to realize that the issue being debated is important.
Step 2. Be kind
He's about to be disillusioned and the best thing is to be as painless as possible If you want, give him a compliment or two, but making it clear that this is not enough to want something more with him.
- "You're a great friend, but we can't be together."
- "You're still going to make some girl really happy, it just won't be me."
Step 3. Give him the message to back off
Even though you're objective about your reasons for not wanting to date him, it's possible that he doesn't understand right away. In that case, take the opportunity to get your message across, right after stating your reasons.
- "We are not boyfriends."
- "We can remain friends if you agree to be my friend."
- "We don't have chemistry with each other."
Step 4. Make it clear that your feelings will not change
It's possible he'll keep his hopes up if you don't make this part clear. Leave no doubt that you won't develop romantic feelings for him in the future, and establish some ground rules for your friendship if it continues.
Step 5. Be honest
Let him ask questions if he wants to and answer them frankly. It doesn't make much sense to protect his feelings with lies, tell the truth. This will help you move forward faster.
Step 6. Listen to him
Mentally rehearsing helps, but it can also frustrate you if the result is not what you expected. Instead of burying him with your ideas, sit across from each other and listen to what he has to say – then he will listen too.
Step 7. End the conversation
Ask him what he has to say once he's finished exposing his side. Stand firm and don't leave the conversation until you're absolutely sure you're not interested in him. Put an end to the story.
Part 3 of 3: Moving on after the conversation
Step 1. Be polite
Disliking him doesn't mean you should be rude or ignore him. Don't see him as a fragile being who won't stand what you say; he will go on like any human being, so treat him as such. Ignoring him forever would take away this chance for him to recover.
Step 2. Make room for the boy
Don't do your guts, heart to know if he's alright. In addition to sending the wrong message, he will remember you all the time and may even develop problems with self-esteem, anger and even aggression – you don't want to be responsible for that.
Step 3. Don't deceive him
If he decides he can be your friend after the conversation, set a limit on what's appropriate and what's not. If necessary, have a separate conversation, especially if you both need time to think. This will help them to put the proper end to all of this.
- Discuss whether you can comment on each other's appearance.
- Talk about physical contacts, such as hugs, holding hands, etc. and whether they are still suitable for the nature of their relationship.
- Use praise to make him feel better about himself.
- Don't expect him to be friendly – he can get annoyed and get defensive. It's not easy to be rejected.
- Before deciding whether or not to talk to the guy, make absolutely sure that you don't feel anything for him and that you won't change your mind – know that they will always be just friends.