The human being is an emotional creature and, inevitably, it is not always easy to forget someone. But remember that a person can only dominate your thoughts if you allow it - the more time you spend thinking about them, the more control they have over you. Philosopher Eric Hoffer once wrote that "Treating the people we hate unfairly only adds fuel to our hatred," but fortunately you are not alone or the only person dealing with this problem, and keep your life from transforming. in chaos it's possible - several strategies can help you get someone out of your head.
Method 1 of 3: Getting an ex-partner out of your mind
Step 1. Accept the end of the relationship
You will not be able to move on until you accept that you are no longer with that person and that the breakup is final.
Step 2. Delete the contact
Don't call, email or text, or try to get in touch with the ex in any other way - this will only hamper your ability to improve and move on.
- There may come a day when the two of you can be friends, but now is not the time to think about it.
- Never, ever, under any circumstances, access each other's Facebook profile - break up the friendship on social media and forget that this profile exists.
- Stay away from his close friends. This can be difficult for someone who has friends in common with the ex, but for now, prefer to walk in the company of your own friends. That way you will avoid any kind of drama and you won't need to hear the other person's news.
Step 3. Get rid of the memories of the relationship
Clean up and discard all photographs, memorabilia, and any other reminders of the relationship.
You won't be able to get over the separation if you can't let go of these memories, especially if you remain attached to objects with clear sentimental value
Step 4. Stay away from the places you used to go with the other person
Any memories related to these environments will hinder your resilience.
Sooner or later, you may be able to go back to those places, but for now, keep your distance
Step 5. Deal with your own feelings
Acknowledge the presence of all emotions related to the person or the relationship, whether it's anger, sadness, disappointment, longing, or resentment.
Don't try to repress the emotions - instead, allow yourself to experience them fully and suffer if you need to suffer. Accept these feelings so you can move forward
Step 6. Learn from the relationship
Objectively reflect on the reasons for the separation, and analyze the mistakes made by both parties.
Take advantage of the learning provided by the mistakes of both of you - they can help you develop strategies to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future
Step 7. Look for healthy ways to let off steam
In addition to alleviating your feelings, the healthy expression of suffering will enhance your well-being.
- The overcoming process will be much more difficult and time-consuming if you adopt a self-destructive attitude and start blaming yourself for the breakup.
- Enlist the support of friends and family - talk to these people and allow them to lend their ears and shoulders for you to cry.
- Run, hit the gym ("Hi, boxing bag!"), hike, join a yoga class - all of these are great options for healthy venturing.
- Take all your anger out in a letter, but don't send it to anyone. Writing down all the negative feelings on paper can be a cathartic experience, but not send the letter to your ex - it would only make the situation worse and hamper your resilience.
Step 8. Follow good examples
Get inspired by strong, admirable individuals who can set an example for you - it could be a friend, or even a celebrity who has come back from a tough time, coming back stronger than ever.
The more you draw inspiration from people who have “raised and shaken the dust” after a bad fall, the greater your ability to imagine yourself doing the same thing
Step 9. Hang out with other suitors
You won't have as much time to think about your ex if you're dating other people, but remember not to mix feelings about your old relationship with feelings about your new romantic interests.
Don't talk to or complain about your ex when you're on a date - don't let a past relationship ruin future relationships
Method 2 of 3: Putting an Enemy Out of Your Head
Step 1. Know the limits of your knowledge
We often have difficulty understanding another person's motivations, feelings, or true thoughts, as we don't see things from their point of view.
- So instead of simply deducing that someone hates you, consider a second possibility: aren't you projecting feelings onto the other person?
- Understand that she is also a human being, and that everyone's behavior is affected by the difficulties we face in life, that is, it is entirely possible that this enemy is only acting in a certain way because of personal difficulties.
- Learn from these words, which many people attribute to Abraham Lincoln: "I don't like this man. I need to get to know him better."
Step 2. Learn from others
Pay attention to individuals who manage to live in harmony with their friends, seeking to understand how they handle these relationships. This will help you identify which points have not worked in the relationship between you and your enemy, and the reason for these problems.
If you feel comfortable copying the behavior of these people, look for tips to try to change the dynamics of your relationship of enmity
Step 3. Find out what the other wants
Identifying the other's intentions is a key step in solving the problem - is he jealous of something? Have you harmed him in any way, consciously or unconsciously? Do you have any behavior that irritates or annoys the other person?
Understanding your enemy's motivations will help you anticipate his or her negative behaviors and, consequently, minimize their effects on you
Step 4. Decide how to react
Once you've identified the other person's motivations, you can follow one of these strategies to start dealing with their behavior: Try to improve your relationship with the other person, or learn to minimize the effect of their behavior on you.
- If the other is just bothered by a little mania or attitude of yours, consider the possibility of avoiding acting like that with him, or try talking to the person to explain his behavior and help him to understand it.
- If the issue is more serious or you can't determine what the problem is, confront your enemy about it - the best way to combat misunderstandings and negative feelings is to speak directly about it.
- Apologize if you're wrong. If you've hurt or upset the other person, knowingly or not, sincerely apologize (and don't repeat your mistake) so the two of you can let it go.
- Speak calmly and calmly - don't make accusations or try to start an argument, just have a sincere conversation.
Step 5. Don't encourage the other's behavior
Even if your enemy has said rude or insensitive things about you, your friends, or your family, don't give the other the satisfaction of knowing you can hurt him.
- People who do this want to provoke some reaction in others, and their enemy will be more likely to insist on this behavior if he gets what he wants. So start ignoring the person and their nasty comments if you want to put a stop to the situation.
- Don't listen to rumors or spread gossip, this will only prolong the problem - the more attention you pay to the situation, the greater the power of your enemy.
- Avoid it. Sometimes, keeping your distance and limiting your contact with the other person as much as possible is enough to calm tempers and put an end to the situation.
Step 6. Make allies
Nothing is better for combating someone's negative behavior than the presence of allies - the more people who are on your side and see you as kind, helpful, respectful, etc., the less impact your enemy's sabotage will be.
- When you feel like saying something mean about an enemy, simply redirect that energy and say something kind about someone else.
- Spreading positivity rather than negativity will put you in a more advantageous position relative to your enemy.
Method 3 of 3: Getting a Bully Out of Your Mind
Step 1. Keep calm
People who bully love to provoke a reaction in others, and they are even more satisfied when those reactions are emotional.
- When he realizes he's gotten to you, the bully will try to provoke more and more negative reactions.
- Act coldly and calculatingly if you need to react to bullying - you will make the bully look immature if you decide to act calmly, and this will shake the dynamics of the two of you, putting power in your hands - a situation hated by anyone bully.
Step 2. Don't delay taking the initiative
Don't let the situation get more serious before taking steps to deal with the problem.
The negative impact of the situation on their well-being only tends to increase over time, as does the aggressor's belief that he has the right to act as he has been acting
Step 3. Understand that this is not about you
The aggressor's problem is with himself, and it has to do with his insecurities and weaknesses, not with you.
Never let the other person convince you that it is your fault - they are solely responsible for their actions
Step 4. Do research to learn more
Read about the different types of bullying, the motivations of people who do it, and how to understand such behavior.
Many people who bully are also victims of violence and try to take it out on others - this knowledge can help you develop some empathy and understand the true power dynamic between the two of you
Step 5. Gain as many allies as possible
Create a support network - you're less likely to become someone's target if you can count on other people's support.
Allies will also help you feel more secure and self-confident, and these traits can undermine a bully's sense of power
Step 6. Keep a record of assaults
Write down the time, place and description of each confrontation you have with the other person - this will be helpful if you need to file a formal complaint.
The person will have a hard time blaming you or denying their own actions if confronted with records of the times, places, and details of all assaults
Step 7. Avoid it as much as possible - the bully won't be as likely to manipulate you if he doesn't see you often
The person will get bored if they don't have many opportunities to harass or manipulate you, and that will motivate them to look for a more gratifying victim
Step 8. Talk to a supervisor, teacher, or anyone else in authority
If you can't solve the problem by avoiding or ignoring the bully, you'll need to involve an authority figure in the situation.
If you are following the recommendation to record meetings with the abuser, show your notes to this authority figure, describe the other person's behavior, and explain why the situation is damaging your well-being
Step 9. Take care of yourself
Look for healthy ways to vent your emotions, such as exercising, doing yoga, or writing in a journal - the important thing is that you use the time to take care of yourself, not worry about what the abuser is saying or thinking.
Consider talking to a therapist if bullying is a major source of stress in your life - this professional can help you cope better
- People have the power we give them, meaning the more you care about someone, the more power that person will have over you.
- If you always find yourself in the middle of conflict, perhaps the problem is you - consider whether it's time to change your own behavior.
- Don't overdo it when letting off steam and letting go of your emotions. Letting the feelings out is totally beneficial and necessary, but be careful that it doesn't become an obsession-don't let the other person dominate your life.
- Keep in mind that as long as you can predict the other person's behavior, you will also be able to prepare for it. Preparing for the other person's actions will minimize the impact of the situation and help you feel stronger.
- Remember that not all situations deserve attention or any kind of reaction. Don't obsess over every little thing the other person does-instead, put that nonsense aside and don't let it consume your life.