How to Tell a Girl You're Not Interested in Her

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How to Tell a Girl You're Not Interested in Her
How to Tell a Girl You're Not Interested in Her

It's never easy to tell a girl you're not interested in her. Maybe she's a close friend who's been interested in you but the feeling isn't being reciprocated, or maybe she's someone you don't know very well but who likes you a lot, so you need to tell her your feelings carefully. Whichever the case, saying carefully that you're not interested in her will be best for both of you.


Part 1 of 3: Telling her carefully

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 1

Step 1. Find the right place and time

When you feel you need to talk to her, the best thing to do is act quickly. With that in mind, if you want to talk to her in the best possible way, take the time to find the right place and time for the conversation. You don't want to catch her off guard by calling her in the middle of a conversation with friends or during a period when she has exams. Instead, choose a location that offers privacy and a time when she's not distracted, busy, or stressed.

Knowing that, don't wait forever to talk to her either. You don't have to wait for the situation to be perfect to say how you feel. Just guarantee the privacy of the conversation and check beforehand that she isn't sad for another reason

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 2

Step 2. Start by saying something nice but not getting your hopes up

Starting off by saying she's the prettiest girl you know or something like that might be misleading, but try saying something nice before saying you're not interested in her. Say something like "You know I think you're an amazing girl" or "I always love talking to you" to show that you care about her without sounding too romantic. Before the conversation, choose your words carefully so you don't give her the wrong idea.

  • When saying, try to keep a distance so she doesn't think you're hitting on her. Show defensive body posture and step back so she understands that this is not flirting.
  • Out of respect, keep eye contact, but don't stare at her too much, she might misunderstand.
Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 3

Step 3. Break the news

This is the hard part. The best thing to do is tell her as soon as possible. Don't talk too much without getting straight to the point or she may get confused and even delude herself into thinking you're going to ask her out. Just be as honest as possible without hurting her feelings. Make it clear that your intention is to have a sincere conversation to minimize the pain she is feeling. Take a deep breath and stay focused.

You can say something like "I know you feel something for me, I'm sorry to say I don't feel the same way. I respect you so much, so I didn't want you to know this from someone else."

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 4

Step 4. Listen to what she has to say

Let's admit it. After talking to her, you'll be eager to leave as soon as possible so you don't have to deal with the weird weather. However, the girl may be suffering a lot, so you should have a modicum of respect for her and not leave immediately. If she wants to share her feelings with you, listen to them as long as the situation doesn't get too stressed or emotional.

  • You can say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way" but don't feel obligated to apologize too much, not least because you can't control your feelings.
  • If she gets really upset, comfort her, but try not to extend the conversation too much or she might get it wrong.
Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 5

Step 5. Say you would like to be her friend

It's time to get straight to the point. If you don't know her very well and are not interested in getting to know her better, end the conversation anyway. But if you're already friends or if she just seems like someone nice, say you'd like to be friends with her or continue to be. Of course, she can get angry or upset at this point, as many people say this insincerely, but if you really want to be friends with her, show that willingness (because friendship may be possible when she gets over the pain).

  • Say something like "I think you're really nice and would love to be your friend, but I understand that might not happen for a while."
  • You might also say, "I know everyone says that, but I mean that I want to be your friend."
Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 6

Step 6. Try to finish the conversation well

The conversation will definitely not be easy, but try to end it as best you can. You can thank her for talking to you and remind her that you want to be her friend, if that's the case. If possible, try to accompany her to where she was before the conversation or simply say something positive. If it's not too fake or corny, try to make her laugh, although it might not work at the moment. The most important thing is that you leave the conversation in a positive way so the girl doesn't walk away thinking you're an idiot.

  • You can say "I hope you feel better soon. I mean it" or something like "I was flattered by your interest in me."
  • It's not necessary to say something cheesy like "I know the right guy will come soon", she might get annoyed by that. Even if that's true, it might not be what she wants to hear right now.
Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 7

Step 7. Give her the opportunity to stay in touch

If you really want to remain friends with her, it might be appropriate to take a moment before asking her to go out with you or your group of friends. It may take her a few weeks, months, or more to really get over what she felt, as just seeing you can affect her a little. You should remain friendly when you meet her, but let her take the initiative to let you know when she's ready to see you again.

  • When you meet her again, nod, smile and say "How are you?" But if she's visibly cold and upset, don't insist.
  • If she doesn't even want to be your friend anymore because she's suffering a lot, respect the decision.

Part 2 of 3: Finding Alternative Ways to Communicate It

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 8

Step 1. Remember that telling her in person is the best option

If you want to give her the respect she deserves, tell her in person that you're not interested in her. However, some situations may require you to take another approach. Maybe she lives in another city or you haven't seen each other for a long time. Or maybe you don't want to be alone with her, even though you want to say how you feel. No matter what the case, it's important to think very carefully before deciding whether you want to talk to her in person or not.

If you really care about her, have the decency to speak in person if at all possible

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 9

Step 2. Call her

The most difficult option after speaking in person is to call her. Get the number from one of her friends if you don't already have it (without making it sound like you want to ask her out!) and tell her as gently and quietly as possible. Simply say what you would say in person, something like “I'm flattered that you like me, but I think you need to know that I don't feel the same” and listen to what she has to say. It won't be easy, but you'll feel a lot better talking to her and you might even find it easier to tell her that way than in person.

Say something like “It's not easy, but I wanted to say that I only like you as a friend. I'm sorry I'm saying this, but I really think you should know.”

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 10

Step 3. Send her a text message

Yes, it's generally not a good idea to talk about important matters via text message, and the girl will probably feel very bad for knowing that way. However, if she's been overly insistent and you really need to tell her soon, send her a quick text message telling her the truth so the two of you can move on. She will probably appreciate that you took the time to talk to her instead of asking someone to tell you.

Say something like “Hi, I know you like me and I really appreciate your sincerity, but I'm sorry to say that I don't feel the same way. I thought you needed to know."

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 11

Step 4. Email her

Another way to talk to the girl is through an email, which should be short and affectionate. While email is not the most intimate way to say how you feel, it can be appropriate if you are already used to conversing in this way. Also, an email will likely allow you to express yourself better than a message. Just get straight to the point and be kind to tell her that the feeling isn't reciprocated, giving a positive tone to the message. You can say something like:

“I know you like it and me, but I would like to say that the feeling is not reciprocated. Hope you're okay and that we can go out together soon.”

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 12

Step 5. Chat with her online

Another way to talk about it with her is through online conversations, whether using Facebook chat, Google chat, or any other platform. Tell her how you feel without wasting too much time on unimportant matters. If you spend 20 minutes talking before getting down to business, she may delude herself into thinking that you're wanting to get to know her better or that you're even about to ask her out. A simple "Hi, how are you?" can quickly prepare the conversation so you can cut to the chase.

Be direct. When chatting online, there is no need to prepare a long speech on the subject. Simply say you are not interested in her, but as best you can. You don't need to say something as direct as an “I don't like you”, an “I don't feel the same about you” would be more appropriate and subtle

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 13

Step 6. Write a message

Another thing you can do to not disappoint her is to handwrite her a message. This option can turn out to be more intimate than an email or text message, as it will know that you took the time to write something by hand and that you were careful when choosing your words. The message should be short, sweet, and if you go to the same school, it should be delivered at the end of the class to ensure she doesn't read the message in the middle of the class and get upset in public.

Write two or three sentences saying that you only like her as a friend and don't forget to sign! It is also important to deliver it in person, to prevent someone else from reading it

Part 3 of 3: Knowing what not to do

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 14

Step 1. Don't talk to anyone about it before talking to her

If you care about the girl and her feelings, don't go around telling your friends, her friends, or anyone else that you don't feel the same way about her. Even if you don't like her very much as a person, be polite enough to give her the respect she deserves by speaking in person rather than allowing her to listen for someone else.

  • Put yourself in her shoes. If you liked a girl a lot, what would it be like to find out from someone else that she doesn't feel the same way about you?
  • If her friends keep asking you whether you like her or not, try to make sure she knows the answer for you, not one of them.
Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 15

Step 2. Don't tell her in public

Another thing to avoid is giving her the bad news in public. You might find it easier to tell when she's at a party and surrounded by friends, but it will actually take her by surprise, leaving her a lot more upset than if she was alone and had time to think about what happened. It can be difficult to find an opportunity for that particular conversation, so try to avoid talking about it as much as possible and wait for the right time to ease her suffering.

You should as much as possible avoid embarrassing her in front of your friends and the girl's friends, so respect her feelings and her privacy

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 16

Step 3. Don't get your hopes up

Another mistake boys make at this time is deceiving the girl, because they feel bad about telling the truth. If you're not being completely honest, don't say something like “I'm not ready for a relationship right now, but we can try in the future” or “You're the perfect girl for me, but I can't fall in love with anyone” or “I just need some time to get over an old relationship.” You may think this will ease the initial pain, but actually it will end up prolonging her pain, so avoid making statements that aren't sincere just to try to make the conversation easier.

Make it clear that you don't have any loving feelings for her and that you won't either in the future. The sooner she knows this, the better, as she will be able to move on soon

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 17

Step 4. Don't insult her by rejecting her

You might think you need to be a little mean for the girl to understand, but avoid saying you don't like her because she's not your type, because she talks too much, because you think she's not smart enough for you or something. type. Also avoid saying that you are not interested in her because there is a prettier girl in your class. Simply say her feeling is not reciprocated and stop there.

Avoid phrases like "I don't have much to say to you" or "I find you a bit annoying". There's no need to be aggressive when she's vulnerable

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 18

Step 5. Don't make lame excuses

You may think that making excuses is the best way to keep her from hating you, but try to be as honest as possible. Never say “It's not you, it's me”, because every girl has heard it before. Don't say you're too busy to date when in fact you could easily make time for the right girl. Also don't say you don't like serious relationships when, in fact, you would love to be in one with another girl. Be honest and she will respect you more.

You don't want to have a reputation as a liar. You would demand sincerity if a girl didn't like you, wouldn't you?

Tell a Girl You Don't Like Her Step 19

Step 6. Don't roll up

As soon as you know a girl is interested in you and there's no way that feeling will be reciprocated, let her know as soon as you find the right opportunity. The more you play around knowing her interest won't be reciprocated, the more hopeful she will have, so the best thing you can do is to be honest so she can move on.

You might think it would be easier if she knew the truth from someone else or seeing you with another girl, but it's your job to let her know as best you can


  • Avoid letting her change the subject. If you see the topic of conversation slipping away, come back to it.
  • Try to be nice. You could be ending a friendship, so don't be an idiot when you do.
  • Maintain eye contact when talking to her. Don't let her look at the floor or ignore it.
  • Smile or have a more serious posture depending on the situation and problems encountered. If she keeps spreading nasty rumors about you, it's time to get serious. But if she's just following you around all the time saying things like “your clothes smell bad” or something like that, feel free!


  • Never be straight to the point of saying "I don't like you!" for a girl. This will cause a lot more suffering than a more careful approach.
  • Finding her hair ugly, for example, is not the same as not liking her. Make sure you have a good reason not to like this girl, as your relationship with her may be coming to an end.

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