Forgetting an ex-boyfriend after a breakup is really hard, but having to get over a person without even dating them is also tricky on many levels. Do not freak out; face the problem head-on, be honest with yourself, and go for it!
Part 1 of 3: Facing the Problem
Step 1. Assume your feelings
You are in love with this person and that is no mystery; however, the intensity of this passion may be underestimated, in which case you will have to acknowledge it before you get over it. Ignoring the enemy's strength will make it difficult to win the battle – even against yourself.
- The more time and emotional energy you invest in someone, even without real involvement, the stronger the feeling.
- Don't try to mitigate what feels like a “co-worker crush”, for example. Admit the intensity of your feelings. Even if it hurts your ego momentarily, it's still better than denying it to the end.
Step 2. Speak the truth to yourself
There are two important issues to admit: the first is that your passion is unrequited. The second is that you are not the first to suffer for loving someone who doesn't love you.
- Even though you know your passion is not reciprocated, admitting it can be a hard blow to accept, which can end up making you fantasize that something is possible between you – but don't be fooled.
- Human history is permeated by unrequited love and you are not alone in this. The good news is, like everyone else, you'll survive. The bad news is that you are no exception to the rule in a fairy tale. Despite what novels sell and your deepest desire, this hardly ever happens in real life, and your story is more likely to follow reality.
Step 3. Realize that this passion is not worth it
Falling madly in love with someone is great up to a point, but it will bring more pain than joy. Letting go of your feelings will be better for you and your life.
Ask yourself if you are really happy and content with your current situation. Let's face it, if you're on the internet reading an article about forgetting someone you've never dated, the answer is no. In that case, the best thing to do to get back to being happy is to move on with your life and leave it all behind
Step 4. Stop creating false hopes
The person is likely to give you mixed messages and signals from time to time that don't make it clear whether or not she loves you. In reality, the person is not trying to communicate anything - you is that you are clinging to false hopes. With that in mind, if a person does something that doesn't look like anything on the surface, make no mistake – there's nothing under the surface either.
If you like a guy, be aware that men are often pretty obvious when the reverse is true; girls have been known to hide a little more when they're in love, but if you've come across that you're in the mood and she hasn't responded, it's because you're not interested
Step 5. Rethink your memories
Perhaps you've seen a spark of passion in some of your interactions with the person. Try to remember these moments and be honest with yourself, think carefully if there was really something romantic in the interaction.
Use the same objectivity to analyze your interactions and your memories, without distortions caused by what you feel
Part 2 of 3: Putting a full stop to the subject
Step 1. Don't get obsessed with little things
You've certainly interacted in the past, and will likely do it again. Control your thoughts, don't hold on to the memories of those moments for too long.
- If you allow it, you will remember that time the person greeted you, or a time when they smiled at you, but that doesn't mean anything.
- As soon as you realize you're traveling on something like that, focus on something else, shift your focus.
Step 2. Move away from the person
It's like our grandmothers used to say – what the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel. That doesn't mean they can't talk anymore, but during this recovery phase, ideally, you'll have more time and space without her.
- This will be more difficult if your passion is a co-worker or classmate, a neighbor, a close friend, or anyone else you live with on a daily basis.
- If getting away is not possible, try to limit contact as much as you can; for example, if you always go through the same corridor just to see your date, prefer to use another path from now on.
Step 3. End any influence this person has on your life
This means that her routine and interests should no longer have such an impact, you should strive to get back to who you were before you met her.
- If you've come to like something just because she did, think about whether you're really interested in it, and if the answer is no, do something better for yourself.
- Stop organizing your schedule and your routine to meet or please her, don't take every opportunity to or do something for her.
Step 4. Face the person objectively
Passion makes us idealize people and put them on a pedestal. Now is the time to get her out of there, observe her flaws as you would anyone else.
- You don't need to go from love to hate, especially if she's a nice person. The ideal is to realize that, like any human being, she is not perfect and has her faults and quirks – stop idealizing her.
Step 5. Tell yourself that a relationship would be a mistake
Even though she is a great person, honest and full of virtues, none of this means that you were born for each other. Keep in mind that dating her would go wrong for a number of reasons.
- Some of them would be incompatibility of beliefs or goals in life; these are very common reasons to end a relationship that had “everything to work out”.
- This strategy will be even better if you are close friends, as dating and breaking up with a friend can ruin the friendship.
Step 6. Chat with your friends
Think about which friends would understand your situation and seek them out to vent. They will be able to help you move forward and present more objective views.
- Not everyone will understand your problem, but many will identify with it.
- It's possible that single friends are more sensitive to your crisis, but that doesn't mean you can't rely on friends in serious relationships either.
Step 7. Talk to the person directly if it helps
Of course, this idea doesn't work with any and every relationship, but if your friend already has some idea of how you feel, it's a good strategy to clarify for him why you're pulling away.
However, if you know this could backfire at some point, or if you think things are going to get “weird” after the conversation, talking directly to him may not be the best idea
Part 3 of 3: Moving Forward
Step 1. Cry
It's not just actual breakups that cause emotional distress. Allow yourself to live this “loss”, cry, feel anger, frustration and everything else that a breakup could cause. Allowing yourself to feel and let go will help a lot more than keeping your feelings to yourself.
- On the other hand, just like a breakup, everything has a limit; although you must allow yourself to suffer for a few days or weeks, do not sink into self-pity. Being sad is healthy, but you'll have to get out of the ditch eventually.
- Avoid spilling out and taking out your anger on the person. You may think she played with your feelings on purpose, but it could also have been unintentionally. While you can't blame yourself for falling in love, you can't blame her for not returning it.
Step 2. Stay active and busy
Your mind should always be on things that have nothing to do with the person.
- Exercising and other physical activities is a great way to distract yourself and tire your body to the point of not thinking about it.
- Your best bet is to do something you really enjoy, especially ones that aren't related to the person and that they don't even know you like.
- If you need to, ask your friends for help, or face the challenge yourself if you prefer.
Step 3. Work on your self-esteem
Do everything you can to feel good about yourself. Ending a relationship that never happened can detonate your self-esteem; you'll end up thinking that that person doesn't think you're good enough and it won't be hard to believe that. Take steps not to get carried away by these thoughts.
- For example, if you have difficulty finding yourself attractive, take care of your diet and exercise. As you begin to see the results of this change, you will naturally find yourself more beautiful.
- Look for healthy ways to take care of yourself. Take a course on something that interests you, look for new forms of entertainment and culture, like going to the opera. Expand your horizons and renew yourself.
Step 4. Dress up and conquer the world
Dress to look your best, and go out to see and be seen by other single people. You will certainly catch the attention of some potential suitors.
- Another option in this regard is to make a profile on social networking sites and apps. Even if the idea is not to meet those interested in person, receiving messages from those who are interested can make you feel more attractive and confident.
- Be careful not to deceive others. Don't create relationship expectations if you don't intend to. No matter how nice the attention you receive, it won't be worth it if it's at the expense of other people's feelings.
Step 5. Meet someone new
Allow yourself to fall in love with other people; your feelings don't have to be as deep or serious as in this last experience, but admitting that others can be attractive and passionate will help you keep your mind off your former crush.
Hanging out with other people is entirely up to you, but it's not advisable to jump into a new relationship to forget about someone else – it will end up hurting someone who has nothing to do with it
Step 6. Give yourself time
You won't forget your passion overnight. Be patient, trust yourself and resilience.
The intensity of your feelings and the level of intimacy between you and the person directly influence the time you will need to emotionally recover; maybe it takes days, maybe weeks – maybe years
Step 7. Reflect on whether getting back in touch is a good idea
If the person is a close friend, cutting ties may not be the best way out. Once your feelings are returning to normal, consider whether you can resume the friendship without any problems.