If you have cheated on someone you love and want to get back together, know in advance that you will have to work hard to win them back and it may not work out. Cheating carries a lot of weight and can destroy your partner and her trust in you – often, this is a common reason for the end of solid and lasting relationships. However, if you really love him, want to show him you regret and get back with her, be prepared to commit to restoring the relationship and moving on with your love.
Method 1 of 3: Owning Your Mistakes
Step 1. Break up with your lover.
The first thing to do to win back your partner is to end the relationship and cut off any kind of contact with the other. Be clear and decisive, show that you are no longer interested in talking to her; delete the cell phone contact, exclude it from social networks and any other means of communication.
Think carefully about what you want. If you're not ready to get that person out of your life, you're not ready to get that person back in your life either – in fact, no relationship will work if they continue in your life
Step 2. Have a frank conversation
You have betrayed your partner's trust, and to win her back you will have to honestly admit your mistakes. Only then can you prove that you really want to be trustworthy again. Be honest about how this happened, give your partner time to process the information and, if you like, ask questions.
- This time can vary between days and months because, as is to be expected, your partner will be shaken by the news.
- Show that you want to talk openly about it. Say you will answer any questions she asks, whenever she wants.
Step 3. Apologize sincerely
Take responsibility; nothing your partner has done before justifies your actions, she doesn't control you. Honestly demonstrate that you know that your actions are entirely your responsibility.
- Say you know you hurt her and will do anything to get back what they had before. Apologize and ask if she's willing to forgive you and try again.
- Don't be fake. Apologize for the things you feel you should, don't make up or hide anything.
Step 4. Ask for forgiveness
Your partner will not forgive you so easily. if happen, it will probably take a long time before she actually succeeds. To stay with her, show that you are truly repentant and willing to do anything to be forgiven.
- Make it clear that you don't expect to be forgiven immediately and that you will work to regain her trust and love.
- Listen to what she has to say. Pay attention and let her talk about her expectations of your behavior. Without that, you won't know how to move forward.
Step 5. Give space
Your partner will likely need time and privacy after the conversation. Show your love and respect by leaving her alone. This is not to say that you should disappear, but that your presence may delay her emotional recovery.
- If you live together, find a way and spend time in a hotel or at the home of a friend or relative.
- Don't pressure her to take it back. Respect her, give her time to digest what happened and reflect on the relationship.
- Understand that your sex life (if you had one) will not be the same for a long time. Don't pressure her to desire you, let her feel ready before trying anything.
Method 2 of 3: Overcoming Infidelity
Step 1. Get in therapy
Couple therapy can be a great way to deal with the results of cheating. Look for a professional who specializes in the subject and attend sessions with your partner regularly. This will help them regain intimacy and move forward as a couple.
- Your partner must agree with this idea. Explain that you would like them to go to the therapist together to regain confidence in her, and ask her if she is interested, showing that you see her as an equal. If she accepts, include her in the search for an expert.
- Make appointments for times that meet your needs. Because they are a couple and need to attend together, sessions may be held weekly or once every two weeks. Take your partner's hours into account when scheduling them.
- Be clear with the therapist and say that the problem with the relationship was your cheating. Say you are aware of the time it will take to resume the relationship so the therapist knows you are willing to wait as long as it takes.
Step 2. Keep communication open
Communication is critical to rebuilding the trust you once had. Keep in touch with her, be honest about your feelings and your routine.
- If she asks you to be more honest about where you are going and what you are doing, understand why she is doing it and agree to speak regularly.
- Speak openly about your thoughts and feelings throughout the day. Allow yourself to be emotional and express the pain you are also feeling.
- Also, let your partner vent to you. Call her in to talk, make an effort to listen and really understand how she feels.
Step 3. Get over the fights
You two will be more likely to fight temporarily. While it's normal, it's important to do your best to get over it. Don't insist on fighting to be right and try not to bring up past problems that have nothing to do with the matter, so as not to make things worse.
- Be fair to your partner. Focus on the problem at hand and let any random problems go. Stay calm, talk about specifics, talk about what you're both feeling, and avoid trivializing relationship issues.
- Reach a real solution. Fighting tires and the fact that one of the parties gives up because of fatigue does not mean that the problems are resolved. Even if you don't understand the other as you should, do your best to come up with a real solution, one that is minimally satisfactory for both of you to move forward.
Method 3 of 3: Trying to Regain Trust
Step 1. Meet your partner
To regain confidence, she may make some specific requests, such as spending more time with you or asking you to prove daily that she has changed. Fulfill her requests and strive to do anything acceptable she asks.
- Acting defensive and demanding more privacy for yourself can make you suspicious; if there is any reason not to do what he says, be clear and honest about it.
- Say something like “I make a point of doing what you ask if it means restoring the trust you had in me. Are you still willing to say what you expect from me? I need to know where we're going with this relationship and I'm all ears.”
Step 2. Show that you've changed
Make the promises you want, they won't mean anything without a genuine effort on your part to show that you're committed to being different. In other words, being honest is not enough, you will have to keep every promise you make.
- Contrary to popular belief, it's not the extravagant demonstrations that matter. Show your dedication with small daily gestures of goodwill, such as helping her do something she couldn't do on her own or supporting her with things she didn't know before.
- Some examples are making an effort to show that you pay attention to what she says, being more participative in household chores if she's mired in work, or taking steps to show that you care about this relationship and your partner.
Step 3. Accept your partner's response
She doesn't have to take him back and it's quite possible she doesn't want to. Betrayal is a serious enough reason to break up a marriage and even more so for unmarried relationships. If you decide you don't want her back, respect her decision and get on with your life.
Insisting on being with someone who doesn't want you will create even more tension and emotional damage. If you really want to prove that you love this person, show it by letting them get on with it without you
Step 4. Keep living
Accept your ex's response and live without looking back; don't wait for her to come back to you. Remember, she doesn't owe you anything and doesn't have to take it back. Live your life and learn from your mistake.
- Choose not to repeat it in future relationships if you really regret what you did. See this situation as an opportunity to get things right and improve your romantic relationships.
- See a therapist if you feel it is necessary. A therapist will be better able to help you overcome the end and make healthier choices for your relationships in the future.
- Don't blame others and don't try to justify your actions. The only things that can help you after a betrayal are to admit your mistake, apologize, and talk openly about the problem.
- If your ex doesn't want to talk to you anymore, leave her alone. Give her the space she needs, and if she loves you, she'll get in touch one day.