How to Break Up with Someone You Love: 13 Steps

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How to Break Up with Someone You Love: 13 Steps
How to Break Up with Someone You Love: 13 Steps

Video: How to Break Up with Someone You Love: 13 Steps

Video: How to Break Up with Someone You Love: 13 Steps
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Sometimes we reach a point in a relationship where we realize we love the other person, but we're no longer in love with them. While there is no magic formula for breaking up with someone, there are some things you can do (and not do) to make things easier for both sides.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Getting Ready

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 1
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 1

Step 1. Make sure you really want to end the relationship for good

Never break up with someone unless you can accept the fact that you may never be together again. Even if you change your mind and agree to get back together, you will have created lasting damage to the relationship that may be irreparable.

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 2
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 2

Step 2. Be prepared for the possibility that the other person will be too hurt to be able to be your friend, at least at first

Ending a relationship can be a very emotional process for everyone involved. Don't get your hopes up that you will become good friends immediately after it breaks up.

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 3
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 3

Step 3. Avoid ending for the wrong reasons

You must decide if it's worth finishing. You need to think about the future, not just your own, but also your loved one's.

  • Never avoid breaking up with someone for fear of loneliness. The only way to find the right person is to take risks and be alone.
  • Never fail to end a relationship for fear of hurting the other person's feelings. Breaking up may sound cruel, but being with someone you don't feel a thing about anymore is, too.
  • Don't suggest "taking a break". Generally, a time is just a transition to complete completion. If you feel like you need time away from your partner, chances are you'll want to break up, but you're afraid to be alone. Instead of asking for a break, wait until you're ready to completely end the relationship and then do it.
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 4
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 4

Step 4. Take the necessary steps

If you live together, decide who is going to leave the house and who is going to stay (of course, you can leave this subject open for discussion). If you expect the other person to leave home, give them enough time to make the necessary arrangements and find another place to stay during this time.

  • Ask if you can stay with your parents or close friends for a while, or spend a few days in a hotel.
  • If you don't live together but see each other every day at work or at school, consider whether it's worth changing your hours or circumstances. If you think it will be difficult to move forward seeing each other regularly, how about changing jobs or changing class times to avoid constant interaction with this person?

Part 2 of 3: Breaking the news

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 5
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 5

Step 1. Choose a suitable time

There will never be a perfect time to break up with a loved one, but there are some situations that should definitely be avoided, including:

  • When she is going through a personal crisis, such as the death of a family member, the diagnosis of an illness, or the loss of a job. If she's in the middle of a crisis, allow some time to pass before it's over to avoid further pain.
  • In the middle of a fight. Never end a relationship in the heat of the moment: you may end up saying things you didn't mean to say and regret the decision later, when the fight is over.
  • In front of other people. If you decide to end up in public, make sure you at least find a quiet table or corner to have the conversation. Remember that one or both of you can get very emotional and need some privacy.
  • In a text message, by email or by phone. If you really love the other person, you owe them a face-to-face conversation.

    The only exception to this rule is if you are in a long-distance relationship where it is impossible to meet your loved one in person. Still, try chatting via Skype or phone rather than resorting to more impersonal means such as texting and email

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 6
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 6

Step 2. Prepare the other person for the conversation

In other words, don't surprise her by breaking the news out of nowhere, in the middle of a conversation, or when she's busy doing something else.

  • Take your partner aside and say, "I want to talk to you about something" or "I think we should talk."
  • You can email or text him, asking to chat, before meeting him. This will give him enough time to prepare himself emotionally for a serious conversation. You should not end by texting, but rather let the other person know that you want to have a serious conversation.
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 7
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 7

Step 3. Use first person singular phrases

This type of statement deflects your judgmental feelings and displays your point of view effectively. For example, say something like:

  • "I feel like kids aren't in my plans" is better than saying, "You want kids and I don't."
  • "I think I need to spend more time alone right now" is better than saying, "You want to spend too much time together."
  • "I need to think about my future" is a better way of saying, "We're not going anywhere."
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 8
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 8

Step 4. Be honest but not unnecessarily cruel

Everyone deserves to hear the truth, but at the same time there are certain things that only hurt the feelings of others, without serving any constructive purpose.

  • If there's something explicitly wrong with the relationship, such as incompatible interests, say so. Being honest and removing some of the mystery can help the other person move on more quickly instead of constantly wondering why the relationship ended and what they could have done differently. You could say something like, "I know you love going out all the time, but I hate it. I don't think we're going to be happy about this incompatibility."
  • Find a positive way to express criticism. If you love the other person, you should make an effort to protect their self-esteem. For example, instead of saying "I'm not attracted to you anymore", say something like "I feel like there's no more chemistry between us".
  • Reassure your partner that you really love and care for him. This will help to allay the negative feelings associated with rejection. Say something like, "I think you're a great person. You're very smart and you have a lot of ambitions. But I think my ambitions are different."
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 9
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 9

Step 5. Suggest that you stay friends

If you really want to be friends with that person, you should express that intention at the end of the conversation. Again, be prepared for the possibility that she is too hurt to be able to maintain a friendship with you, at least for now. Respect her needs and give her space if necessary.

  • After termination, do not continue to constantly call or text your "ex". Doing so will send mixed signals to the other person and make it impossible to move forward. Even if you have decided to remain friends, you should spend some time apart soon after the breakup, and should not see or talk to each other during this time.
  • When some time has passed and feelings aren't so hurt, consider reconnecting with your ex. You'll be able to go out with a group of friends -- this would be ideal to avoid going out for a couple and sending out confusing signals. Try saying something like, "Hi, some friends and I are going to the cinema to see this new movie. Do you want to come too?"

Part 3 of 3: Overcoming Termination

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 10
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 10

Step 1. Avoid talking to the "ex", at least at first

While it may seem impossible to completely eliminate contact with a loved one, constantly interacting will make things even more difficult. If the temptation is too great, block the other person's number on your phone. Also block it on all social networks. This will help you to resist temptation.

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 11
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 11

Step 2. Don't feel guilty about suffering

Even if you were the partner who decided to end the relationship, you may still feel hurt or abandoned. These feelings are normal and you must accept them in order to get better.

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 12
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 12

Step 3. Take time for yourself

Love can be complicated. After a breakup, you may feel that you have lost someone. This is a sign that you need to take the time to get to know yourself and learn to be single again before entering into a new relationship.

Break Up with Someone You Love Step 13
Break Up with Someone You Love Step 13

Step 4. Seek support from friends and family

Don't be afraid to seek emotional support from loved ones such as close friends and family. They are likely to understand what you are going through and offer support or good advice.

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