Making your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend fall in love with you again may seem like an impossible task, but it's not. To do this, first of all you have to think about what ended dating, and then find ways to show your best. At some point, you're going to need to talk about your feelings and what to do about them.
Part 1 of 3: Preparing to make your ex fall in love with you
Step 1. Give space
While deciding whether or not you want to get back together with your ex, you should not contact him. It's important to avoid contact so you can deal with your emotions, process the breakup, and prepare to move forward. Even if you decide you want to get back with your ex, you two will need some time alone.
Don't send messages to your ex or reply to the ones he sends until you feel you've had enough time to process the breakup. This can be difficult, but it's the best thing to do
Step 2. Find out if your ex is available
Before trying to decide if getting back with your ex is the right decision, it's best to find out if he's still available. If it's been a long time since the two of you broke up, he could be seeing someone. In that case, it might be better to try to relate to someone else.
Don't try to get back together with your ex if he is seeing someone. Try to be interested in other things, hang out with other people, and be patient
Step 3. Ask yourself why you want to get back with your ex
While the relationship may have been great, sometimes it's actually better to accept the breakup and let your ex move on. Before you start trying to get him back together, consider the reasons for wanting to do this.
- Some examples of good reasons for wanting to get back together are: you weren't well the first time you dated; needed more time to get over the previous relationship; you've developed a new affinity for your ex.
- Some examples of bad reasons are: you are afraid of being alone (of course you are alone after a relationship ends, but that doesn't mean you should dive headlong into it again); you miss his family (again, there's no problem with that feeling, but that doesn't mean you guys should get back together); you're jealous of his new relationship (again, a completely acceptable feeling, but one that doesn't justify an attempt to get back together).
- You should consult a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to consider your reasons for wanting to get back together with your ex. They will help you find some not-so-good reasons to do this and maybe help you move forward.
Step 4. Decide if the relationship was healthy and is worth reliving
In addition to considering the reasons for wanting to get back together with your ex, you should also consider the relationship in general when deciding whether it's worth reinvesting in it. If you broke up because the relationship was bad for one or both of you, it may be better to wait a little longer to consider whether it's worth trying again.
For example, if you were fighting all the time and didn't like to spend time together, it's probably not worth getting back together
Step 5. Make a list of pros and cons if you are unsure
If you have a lot of mixed feelings about wanting to get back together or you wonder if it's worth trying again, try making a list of pros and cons to help you make the decision. Be honest with yourself when making this list and don't leave out anything that might seem small or insignificant. List everything you can to get a good picture of the relationship and make a decision.
Part 2 of 3: Making your ex fall in love with you
Step 1. Focus on yourself
Even if you're 100% sure you want to get back together with your ex, it's important to take the time to focus on yourself first and foremost. Use this extra time to improve yourself. As a result, this can help you get back together more easily. Here are some examples of things you can do to focus on yourself:
- Acquire a new hobby.
- Improve your health with a new diet and exercise regimen.
- Start a journal to record your thoughts and feelings.
- Spend more time with your friends.
Step 2. Act casually
It's important not to look desperate if you want to get back together with your ex. So don't let him know right away that you're interested in getting back with him. Doing so can scare you and ruin your chances of reviving the relationship.
Wait a long time before contacting your ex again. If you meet your ex by accident, just act casual. Don't show that you are interested in getting back together
Step 3. Restore contact
Send a text message to re-establish contact. Text messages are ideal as they are more casual than a phone call or an email. They are also less likely to be shared or discussed, so it is a more private way to communicate with the ex.
- Write a light and casual message. Don't say anything intense like "I can't live without you." Tell him about something funny that happened to you or something interesting that reminded her of him.
- Do not try to re-establish contact with your ex while under the influence of alcohol. Calling or texting while drunk can cause disaster.
Step 4. Meet for coffee or lunch
The best time to meet an ex again is during the day as it will seem less serious than meeting them at night. Ask your ex if he would like to meet you for coffee or lunch. This will give you a chance to catch up, break the ice, and decide whether you really want to reconcile with him or not.
- Don't say anything about getting back together during the first date. For now, just worry about enjoying good times together and having fun.
- Remember to look very stylish for the date. Looking stylish will help you feel confident and increase your chances of getting back together.
Step 5. Remind your ex of happy times
Talking about happy memories is a good way to rekindle an old flame. By reminding him of happy times you shared, you will help him see the good things in the relationship and open him up for reconciliation.
Keep in mind that you will also have to talk about the bad parts of the relationship, but start enjoying the happy times
Step 6. Demonstrate your best qualities
When trying to get your ex to fall in love with you again, first consider the things that attracted him to you and look for ways to demonstrate them. For example, if your ex was primarily attracted to your sense of humor, find ways to make him laugh. If your cooking skills were what attracted him, find a way to casually mention some dish you've made recently.
Step 7. Be patient
While it can be difficult, you need to be very patient when you start talking to your ex again. If he doesn't respond to your first text message, don't keep sending him any more messages in order to get him to respond. Just wait and see if he responds. If not, try again in a few days.
Step 8. Pay attention to signs of interest
If your ex didn't respond to any of your text messages and/or at other times seemed cold when you spoke, it's safe to assume that getting back together might not be a good option at this point. However, if he seems welcoming, friendly and lively, you might have a chance.
Just remember not to raise your expectations too high, even if the signs look positive. It's possible your ex is just being nice
Part 3 of 3: Talking about getting back together
Step 1. Say what you have in mind
At some point, you will need to let your ex know how you feel and what you intend to do about it. Having this conversation can be a little awkward, but if your ex doesn't bring up the possibility of getting back together, you may have to do it yourself. If possible, demonstrate your willingness to work things out and make clear your intention to get back together.
Try saying something like, "Since we've been apart for a while, I've matured a lot and I think I'd like to give our relationship one more chance. Are you interested in doing that?"
Step 2. Be prepared to talk about what went wrong the first time you guys dated
It is inevitable that you and your ex will discuss the reasons why you broke up. He may be skeptical of your maturation or your willingness to change, so you may have to prove it. Be prepared to talk about what you have done or are going to do to ensure the relationship doesn't suffer the same problems the second time around.
Step 3. Commit to change
If you say you're going to commit to improving certain things or changing yourself in some way, be prepared to actually do those things. Otherwise, the relationship may soon end again. Be clear about what the two of you need to improve to be together.
Step 4. Anticipate rejection
In some cases, reconciliation will not be possible. If your ex isn't willing to give the relationship another chance, respect him for being honest with you and don't put any pressure or harassment on him to get back together. Chances are they both need more time or that the relationship isn't worth reliving.
If you think you're going too fast, you probably are. Just take it easy and relax
- One thing to consider when you try to get back together with your ex - if it doesn't work or he doesn't want you back, don't force it - remember that you is a person worthy of being with someone who want be with you, and you don't have to chase someone you don't want to!
- Don't try to change yourself because of your ex.