Breaking up a relationship is always a painful experience. Often not just for the couple themselves. Separation can also affect family members. If you have become close to your child's girlfriend, you may feel that you have lost a family member after the breakup. It's perfectly normal for you to want to go to her to tell her how you're feeling, but it's also essential to be careful. In this article, you'll find tips that will help you see the situation through both your child's and his ex-girlfriend's eyes. You have to keep both points of view in mind if you want to seek it out. First of all, talk to your child. Then try sending a letter to your ex-daughter-in-law. Choose a short, loving message that expresses your feelings without taking sides with anyone.
Steps
Method 1 of 8: Talk to your child first
Step 1. Explain that you were very fond of his ex-girlfriend and would like to see her
Give your child time to think and respect his wishes, even if he doesn't want you to contact her. If the breakup was amicable, your child may not mind. Remember, though, that the breakup could have been quite painful for both of you. So it's perfectly understandable if your child would prefer that you not keep in touch with his ex.
- Avoid pressuring your child to let you talk to your ex-daughter-in-law. Maybe you don't know all the details of the breakup. It's also possible that his ex-girlfriend feels bad about hearing from the family.
- If your child doesn't want you to look for his ex-girlfriend, maybe things don't change over time? Wait a few months for him to cool off and ask again, always very carefully. Many people need a period of distancing to recover from a breakup, and that distancing can include family members.
Method 2 of 8: Send her a card
Step 1. A generic greeting card is a great choice
Write a simple, loving support message. Limit yourself to a single card. That way, your child's ex will get the message and can respond when it's best for her.
To avoid awkward situations, mail the card instead of hand-delivering it
Method 3 of 8: Call her
Step 1. This is a great option for those who prefer a longer conversation
Choose a time when neither of you are working or studying and call her to let her know how you feel. Even though it's difficult, try not to get too emotional. Don't say you'd like her to come back with your child or talk about the details of the relationship. Just wish her a life full of joy and tell her how nice it was to meet her.
If she calls several times and no one answers, she might not want to talk to you. Be understanding. Each person deals with ending a relationship in their own way. Maybe your son's ex needs space
Method 4 of 8: Say you loved meeting her
Step 1. She will be flattered that she has had a positive impact on her life
This is a great way to express your feelings without falling into negativity. It is possible that she may find it difficult to talk about her relationship with her child, especially soon after it breaks up. Try to keep the mood up and thank her for all she has done for your family.
- To show your gratitude, say something like, “I wanted you to know how lucky I am to have met you. You made our family trips so much more fun. Thank you for these last few years!”
- Specially thank her for all the gifts she has already given you. Say, for example, “Thank you for that wonderful candle you gave me for my birthday. I used it so much that soon I'll have to buy a new one.”
Method 5 of 8: Bet on a loving and comforting message
Step 1. Make it clear that you only want the best for her and that you hope everything is fine
Whatever your ex-daughter-in-law feels about breaking up, she will certainly appreciate the concern. Just be careful when talking about the breakup. Wish her all the best and avoid going into details.
- Say something affectionate, such as “I hope you are okay. Know that I only wish you the best!”
- While it may seem like a good idea to say that your child made a mistake in breaking up with her, such a statement can reopen wounds and make things even more complicated.
Method 6 of 8: Say you will miss them
Step 1. Some parents form close bonds with their children's girlfriends
It's okay to be sad because you won't see her anymore. And it's okay to tell her that. Just be careful not to stretch too much. After all, you don't want to make her uncomfortable. She must be feeling sad enough by now.
Say something like, "I want you to know that your smile and your sense of humor are going to be missed at the next family dinner."
Method 7 of 8: Bet on a short message
Step 1. Avoid looking for your child's ex-girlfriend several times in a row
Both she and he can feel uncomfortable if you try to keep in touch. Plus, you might still get involved in the breakup. As much as you miss her, limit yourself to a single message of support and care.
If you want your child to go back with his ex-girlfriend, know that keeping in touch with her won't help at all. What they need is space to decide what they want
Method 8 of 8: Don't be offended if she doesn't respond
Step 1. It is quite possible that she is devastated by the breakup
The end of a relationship can be very difficult. Many people need space and time apart to overcome. If she doesn't reply to your letter or doesn't answer your calls, respect her wishes and stop looking for her.