After a breakup, it's normal to miss your ex in a weak moment and even think about talking to him again. Sometimes it also happens that you want to clean up and throw things in his face out of resentment. Whatever the reason for this desire for contact, the idea of talking to the person while you haven't recovered from the breakup is not a good idea! It is only with time and space that you can assess whether there is a chance for a friendship in the future. In the meantime, the best thing to do is to cut the ties and avoid each other.
Part 1 of 3: Avoiding Contact with Your Ex
Step 1. Delete your ex's mobile number from your contact list
Some people can't hold back the urge to talk to their ex in times of weakness, while others hope for a reconciliation. However, any attempt at contact only serves to revive bad feelings, for one or both sides, prolonging the inevitable. You broke up for some reason: someone or both were unhappy and that fact hasn't changed.
- Is his contact saved on his cell phone? Delete it and also delete all message or call logs.
- Also dispose of physical copies of the contact by tearing and shredding a sheet of an agenda or a piece of paper.
- Block his contact on cell phone. Some cell phone models allow blocking of numbers, while others do not. Take a look at your device's settings.
- Turn off your cell phone whenever you're out drinking (if you're old enough to drink alcohol) so you don't end up texting when you're out of your mind.
Step 2. Break up the friendship or stop following him on social media
Some people manage to remain friends with their ex-boyfriends. However, if you feel that you are unable to maintain proximity without getting stirred up, it is best to sever all ties to the individual. Even after deleting the person's cell phone, it is still possible to send a private message or comment on their photos and posts on the internet.
- Without seeing the person in your feed, it's less tempting to want to talk to them. Plus, you get more space and privacy to recover from the breakup.
- If they remain friends on social media, be prepared to have to see his future relationships. Another possibility is to remember the good times the two spent together, which only serves to make you miss them.
- You can always add the person or follow them back in the future, when you've moved on. But for now, in this moment of vulnerability and at the risk of wanting to talk to your ex, it's best to get him out of your life as much as possible.
Step 3. Take distance from mutual friends for a while
You may not even need to go that far, but many people find it better to get away from their friends when the breakup is still fresh. Do you think there are chances of asking a friend for "updates" from your ex or can't separate the two? So, it's better to give this group a break until you feel ready and healed.
- Let your friends know about this decision and explain why. If you don't say anything and just disappear, they might think there's something wrong.
- If mutual friends keep talking about your ex around you, ask them to stop, at least until the worst phase is over.
- Avoid situations or events that count with your ex's presence. For example, if a mutual friend is having a party, ask in advance if the guy is going.
Step 4. Try to put a period and a stone in the past
The best way to recover from a breakup is to accept that the relationship has ended. Sometimes it's hard, especially if you were the one who got dumped, but it's important to understand that it couldn't work out. If you don't get it in your head that the relationship is over, you may be tempted to call or send a message to your ex, and this attitude only prolongs your suffering and your emotional fragility.
- It's normal to feel hurt and sad. However, cultivating this sadness, convinced that you have lost the "love of your life", only delays your recovery.
- Understand that it is normal to be alone for a while. It is possible to find cool ways to fill your life. After taking time for yourself, you will be ready to start an even better relationship with someone else.
- Still thinking fondly of your ex and hoping for some sort of reconciliation? It's because you don't get it yet that it's over. It is critical to avoid talking, seeing or even bumping into your ex accidentally during this phase to heal the wounds and move on with life.
Part 2 of 3: Overcoming the end of the relationship
Step 1. Spend as much time as possible with friends and family
If you ended a relationship for years, especially if you were living together, it can be scary to be alone. The best way to get over your ex (and distract yourself from the temptation to call him), is to be around other people as much as possible.
- Reach out to friends and family, even if you haven't spoken in a while. It's okay if the initiative has to come from you – the important thing is not to be alone.
- Try starting a new hobby or a different course and invite a friend to join you. This is a great way to distract yourself from your feelings and deepen your bond with your friend.
Step 2. Throw away or keep items that bring back memories
After many years together, there are likely several objects that remind you of your ex – perhaps gifts or shared items. Having to see this every day is only good for thinking about the relationship. Get rid of all objects that bring this kind of memory (or at least hide them) until you feel like calling it through.
- Put everything in boxes – the photographs, gifts or belongings he left behind. Keep all items out of sight.
- If you can't keep these sentimental valuables at home without thinking about your ex or talking to him, throw them all away. Just don't discard belongings that the person might want back – ask a mutual friend to return things to them.
Step 3. Change your life to not think about your ex anymore
It is often difficult to get over a relationship. Even after getting rid of the person's objects, you can still find yourself thinking about them over and over, which increases your desire to get in touch. Is it hard to move forward after finishing? Some changes in your routine or in your life can help.
- If you used to live together, move house and look for an apartment in another neighborhood.
- If they work together, start looking for a job and try to change firms.
- Don't want to change jobs, but don't want to meet the person every day? Check if you have the option to request a transfer to another branch or change sector.
- Find ways to change your routine and environment. Do your best to change details that remind you of your ex.
Step 4. Forgive yourself for your role in the end of the relationship
Perhaps you feel guilty, either for suggesting the breakup or for having done something that prompted your ex to make that decision. It is important to accept the past and move forward to heal the hurt. Even if you feel very guilty, the other side also contributed in some way to the end of the relationship – and that's fine! Moving forward means learning to love yourself and forgive your mistakes. At some point, when you finally do forgive yourself, you might also be able to forgive your ex.
Part 3 of 3: Assessing whether they can ever be friends
Step 1. Has your ex caused any kind of hurt?
All relationships have ups and downs. Couples often fight and sometimes say what shouldn't be said. However, if there was any type of abuse (physical or emotional), betrayal or belittling of your feelings throughout the relationship, it is obvious that the individual would not be a good friend.
The toxic people who hurt you may do this again in the future, so it's best to cut them out of your life. So it's easier to get over your ex and also improve your mental health and well-being
Step 2. Be honest with yourself: could you be friends with the individual without wanting anything else?
Some people never stop feeling some kind of attraction to others. It can be something physical or emotional, but, in any case, it makes a friendship very difficult. If you feel that you can't talk to your ex or be in the same place as him without wanting some kind of extra connection, you need to accept the fact that you can't be friends with him.
- Is it hard to move on? Better to cut all the ties once and for all.
- Whenever you find yourself thinking about the guy, make a commitment to do something fun to distract yourself. Hang out with friends, watch TV or find another way to change that vibe.
Step 3. See how much time has passed
Friendship after a breakup can only be successful after some time apart, most of the time. You can't stop being a boyfriend and become someone's friend without taking the time to process your feelings and get over it (if you can). Do you think you are able to leave the relationship in the past and become friends with your ex at some point? First of all, assess how you still feel about him and how much time has passed since the breakup.
- Most people feel sad, lonely, hurt, and betrayed right after a breakup. These feelings are normal and pass over time.
- There is no universal wait time to get over a relationship. Some people pass it on in a week or two, while others take months and months.
- Do you still feel some kind of longing or resentment towards your ex? Wait more then.
- When you can think of the person without missing them and without getting angry about the breakup, you may be ready to consider a friendship. However, if that doesn't happen, it's better to go about your life without it to avoid further damage.
- If you know your ex's number by heart (inadvertently or accidentally), it's more important than ever to stay away from your cell phone.
- The more contact with him, the harder it is to move forward. Try to recover and get on with life before you talk to the person again.