How to Tell Someone You're Not Interested

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How to Tell Someone You're Not Interested
How to Tell Someone You're Not Interested

One of the hardest things about interpersonal relationships is telling the other person that you are not interested. Whether it's after a first date or after going out a few times, you're likely to feel embarrassed about having to tell the person you're not in the mood. However, everyone has the right to choose the best for themselves. So be frank and direct when talking about your feelings.


Method 1 of 2: Refusing an Invitation

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 1

Step 1. Say that you are very grateful for the invitation and attention to alleviate the effect of the rejection

Don't invent anything too elaborate. A single sentence is enough to show gratitude.

  • Say something like, "Thank you for complimenting my dress" or "That's very kind of you."
  • You don't need to thank them if the person is pushing you. Don't give the impression that you accept her behavior.
Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 2

Step 2. Be clear and honest when refusing

Don't be tempted to make vague excuses to save yourself from saying what you really feel, as things only get worse with time. In addition to taking the person in the beak, it is very likely that you will need to reject him again later on.

You can say, “I only see him as a friend” or “I'm not interested”

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 3

Step 3. Avoid apologizing for the refusal

You don't owe anyone an apology for not responding. On top of that, the apology conveys the idea that you feel sorry for the person, which can hurt them even more.

Instead of saying, “I'm sorry, but I'm not interested”, just say, “I don't feel like going out to dinner, but I appreciate the invitation”

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 4

Step 4. Don't try to force a friendship

If a friend starts feeling something else, it's harder to let go of that friendship. You often like him a lot, but have no interest in dating. However, proximity can be cruel to the person. Let her decide what she thinks is best, just as you decide what's best for you.

It is possible to say: "I hope we can still maintain the friendship, but I will understand if you prefer to stay away."

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 5

Step 5. Save the apologies for when you need to reject a stranger

It's best not to make excuses for just anyone, but this feature can come in handy with someone you've just met. However, know that you can be caught in the lie. Pick an excuse that can't be countered and get out of it as soon as possible.

  • For example, make an excuse if a stranger approaches you in public to dodge quickly. However, if you have mutual friends with the person, the lame excuse can give away your lie if they talk. In that case, it's better to be direct.
  • The most common excuses are: “I'm not ready to date someone right now”, “I'm with someone else”, “I'm too busy” or “I just broke up”.

Method 2 of 2: Finishing Up After A Few Encounters

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 6

Step 1. Plan ahead of time what you want to talk about if possible

Know what to say to choose the most subtle words. Think about your reasons for not wanting to be with the person and focus on the main problem. How can you say this in the best way?

  • Let's say you have no physical attraction to the person. It's not very nice to list all her “flaws”, right? Prefer just to say, "We don't have chemistry" or "I didn't feel that flame."
  • It could be that the person is a talker. In this case, you can say: “I think we have very different styles of communication”.
Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 7

Step 2. Start the conversation with a compliment

Kind words can ease the pain of the foot in the ass, but don't overdo it by fawning over the person. If so, she may wonder why you don't want to see her again. Besides, the words can sound hollow, after all, if she were really amazing, she wouldn't be rejected.

Give a one-sentence compliment such as, “We had a really fun first date” or “I loved talking to you about movies; your interpretations are very intelligent”

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 8

Step 3. Give thanks for the meetings you had

This is a way of recognizing the effort the person put into getting to know you, showing that you knew how to value their feelings, even if the final words might hurt them.

For example: “Thank you for these last few days we went out. It was really nice to meet you”

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 9

Step 4. Tell them that things aren't working well between the two

It's up to you to decide whether you want to go into detail or be more general. Didn't it just go with the person's saint? Say you are not compatible. However, after dating her several times, it might be better to give a more specific reason.

Say the following: “Although I have a lot of fun, I don't see a future for both of us. I realize that we have different goals and it seems that we don't want to follow the same paths in life”

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 10

Step 5. Listen to her if she says she doesn't agree, but don't be persuaded by pressure

Maybe she has different feelings, do what? It's nice to let her share her thoughts on the issue, but don't agree to continue with the relationship if you don't want to. Prefer to say that you understand, but reaffirm your will to finish.

An example of what to say is, "I understand you want to try a little more, but it's not right for me."

Tell Someone You're Not Interested Step 11

Step 6. Avoid listing the reasons you don't want to date the person anymore

Being honest doesn't mean being cruel. In most cases, there's no point in saying what you don't like about the other person. This attitude only makes the pain of rejection worse.

In some cases, you may find that talking about the reason for the breakup helps the other move forward. However, think about it: who are you to say how the person should be and behave? Also, everyone has a taste, so what bothers you may be attractive to someone


  • Sometimes it's scary to express feelings directly, but lying or avoiding the person never works. In most cases, what happens is that you have to say no several times, which is very unpleasant for everyone involved.
  • Never leave without a clue if you've already made plans with the person. Just tell the truth if you've changed your mind and no longer want to relate.
  • Don't gossip behind the person's back or spread the word that you don't want them anymore.
  • Think about the other person's feelings as you decide what to do after you dump him. Even if you really want to continue a friendship, it's not always in the best interest of the person, especially if they keep getting your hopes up for you.


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