Breakups are always difficult. When you're young, emotions can seem more intense and difficult to control, which ultimately creates a feeling that you'll never get over the breakup. Things can be even more difficult if the person you broke up with took your virginity. The first sexual experience is very important and it can be difficult to get over it. In fact, these days, few people spend the rest of their lives with people they've lost their virginity to. It is possible to overcome this situation!
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Emotions
Step 1. Accept what you are feeling
There is always a period of suffering at the end of any relationship. Accept that you have suffered a loss and will be sad for a while! Take time to cry and process what happened.
Psychologists believe that early experiences are more memorable and remain important for the rest of our lives. You're going to need some time to get over your first boyfriend, and you'll likely never forget him. Rather than trying to forget, simply accept the feelings you are feeling
Step 2. Put things into perspective
Because early experiences are so powerful, we sometimes exaggerate their importance. In most cultures, the loss of virginity is seen as a turning point in life, but it is not a very defining moment for many people.
- After suffering for a few days, try to put things into perspective. You are still the same person after losing your virginity.
- Remember that you are the one who defines which romantic and sexual moments are important to you. If you don't want to think of losing your virginity as the sexual experience of your life, change it! You've had only one experience, but the next one might be even better or more special. Your "big moment" may be in the future!
Step 3. Avoid negative thoughts
Many people tend to think negative things about themselves when ending a relationship. This tends to happen more often when the other person has ended the relationship, not you. The feeling of rejection can lead to many negative inner feelings.
- When you feel rejected by your ex-boyfriend, your head can make it feel like you're guilty of something. That annoying little voice inside your brain may be telling you that you will never find happiness again and it's hard to ignore such thoughts.
- When you catch yourself with such thoughts, try to turn them into positive thoughts. Your "ex" may not want to be with you, but there are other people out there. Rejecting someone doesn't make them a worse person.
Step 4. Be realistic about the future
When you're ready to think about moving forward, there are two possible realities to consider: You'll find happiness again, and you'll go your own way.
- Be realistic about the possibilities for happiness in the future. You were happy in the past, and you will be again. You will get to love other people.
- Try not to dwell on thoughts of getting back together with your ex too much. The love of youth is powerful, but it doesn't usually last long. You are at a point in life where you are going through a lot of rapid changes and you are still discovering who you are. Such changes tend to drive people away and all you can do is get on with your life.
Step 5. Contain the suffering
Limit the time you spend suffering or thinking about the relationship that ended. After a few days, start separating suffering from the rest of your life to get over it.
- For example, you can limit thoughts about dating to half an hour a day. After the allotted time, go out and do something to keep yourself busy. If necessary, set up two blocks of time per day. Over time, reduce the duration of the blocks until you stop thinking about your ex.
- Put your pain inside an imaginary box. Set up a schedule to open the box and think about the pain. The limited hours will make the experience boring and tedious. In time, you will lose interest in the sad feelings and get on with life.
Method 2 of 3: Taking Charge of the Situation
Step 1. Stand back
As difficult as it sounds, the best thing to do right now is to distance yourself from your ex-boyfriend. Don't date him, don't call, don't send messages. Avoid any kind of contact.
- This doesn't mean that you can't be friends in the future, but the closeness right after the breakup will keep you from moving on as the good memories will start playing in your head more and more. Spend time away from him, and once you get over the breakup, you can try to maintain a friendship.
- It can be difficult to keep your distance if you study together. Obviously, you don't have to be rude or pretend your "ex" doesn't exist, but avoid situations where you have to interact. If necessary, ask him to do the same.
Step 2. Talk to others
You don't have to get over the break up alone! Talk to a friend or close relative. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
- Psychologists say that as much as discussing the breakup may seem to bring out feelings of sadness, talking about the issue can help you get over the breakup more quickly.
- Losing your virginity is a relatively sensitive issue and should only be discussed with trusted people who will not spread the word or judge you.
Step 3. Get rid of memories
As much as you will probably never forget your first boyfriend or the loss of your virginity, you don't have to remember it all the time. Keep items that remind you of dating in a place where you won't see them.
- Hide gifts you got from your boyfriend, pictures of you together and the like.
- Some people prefer to throw away or destroy memories, especially in tantrums. The ideal is to store the objects in a hidden place at the first moment. Once you've gotten over the breakup and aren't under pressure, you can decide whether you really want to keep them or whether you'd rather throw them away.
Step 4. Create a journal
Writing is a great option for processing emotions. Buy a notebook and use it to write about what you are feeling, either as a journal or as a notebook for artistic expressions.
- Journaling can be just as useful as talking to someone else, as it allows you to explore the private things you are feeling and would not like to share with anyone.
- Also write about the good things that happen in your life. In time, you will overcome the sadness and be able to focus more on positive changes.
Step 5. Rediscover yourself
Many people experience identity issues after a breakup. Even if the relationship has been short, it's easy to think of your connection to the other person as part of your own identity. Overcoming that feeling will help you rediscover who you are.
- Breaking up is an excellent opportunity for you to think about your own goals and try new things. Start a new hobby, spend more time with your friends, go to the gym or make those life changes you've wanted to make for so long.
- Focus on the present and create new positive experiences to overcome the breakup.
Method 3 of 3: Moving Forward
Step 1. Give it time
Unfortunately, all endings need time and there is no way to speed up life. Accept that you will need some time to get over your "ex" and don't try to streamline the process.
According to psychologists, the average time to get over a breakup and restart positive experiences again is 11 weeks. It may take a little longer for you to get over it, as the first breakup is usually more intense
Step 2. Avoid passing relationships for a while
Many people believe that the best way to get over a breakup is to find someone else as soon as possible. Others believe that having sex with someone else will help get over the ex. Such experiences are usually not very healthy.
- Dating shortly after breaking up can lead to comparisons between the new person and your ex, which will leave you even lonelier than before.
- Rushing into a new relationship before getting over the old one can be detrimental to you and the other person.
- If losing your virginity was a negative experience, don't rush into your next sexual encounter with other people. A bad first experience can make you look for similar situations in the future, causing more heartache. Wait until you get your emotions under control before getting involved with others.
Step 3. Go back out with other guys when you're ready
When you feel like you've gotten over your ex, or at least aren't suffering regularly anymore, you can start looking for new relationships if you like. Only you know when the time is right.