How to Get Rid of an Obsessive Ex Girlfriend: 12 Steps

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How to Get Rid of an Obsessive Ex Girlfriend: 12 Steps
How to Get Rid of an Obsessive Ex Girlfriend: 12 Steps

You've finally ended your relationship with your girlfriend and are ready to move on. The only problem is, she's not ready to let go! Having to face an obsessed ex-girlfriend can be a frightening situation. It's not good to accept her back into your life, but you don't know what she's capable of either. Do you want the girl to leave you alone? You have to learn to take it easy.


Part 1 of 3: Imposing limits

Be a Better Girlfriend Step 10

Step 1. State clearly that the relationship is over

It's important to send a clear message that you don't want to be with her anymore. No need to explain yourself. She won't use reason if she's obsessed with you - she'll twist any explanation, finding proof that she's still loved. Just say you're done and don't confuse it with ambiguous signs. Don't feed a woman's obsession by saying you'll always love her after you break up with her.

  • Say something like: “We're not together anymore. I would like you to get on with your life and let me do the same.”
  • Say what you have to say and leave. If you stay together too long, your ex will have more opportunities to try to convince you to change your mind.
  • She can get upset and even cry. Resist the urge to try to comfort her, as she will find that she can get your attention with her tears and will use this strategy at all times.
  • Don't blame her. Saying "you're smothering me", "you don't stop chasing me", "you don't give me space" won't help. She will try to argue that she will change. Be honest and say you don't have romantic feelings for her.
  • Don't say things that imply that you still like her. She certainly has a great need and confuses attention with affection. She'll read any sign of attention as a caress - and a chance that you still feel something and that she might win you back.
  • Don't say you "lost" the feeling. She will believe she can help you find those feelings again and will continue to persist.
  • Tell her she deserves to be with someone who really likes her. Encourage the girl to find a partner who can meet her needs better than you can.
Convince Yourself That You're Happy Being Alone Step 17

Step 2. Decide which behaviors are acceptable

An obsessed "ex" will try to use every artifice to get your attention. She may call in the middle of the night, show up at your house out of nowhere, send you inappropriate photos, or even use the "no contact" rule against you, leaving you more vulnerable to giving in. Make a list of all the attitudes you are not willing to accept. Whenever she does something on the list, refuse to pay attention. Be sure to tell her you don't think about going back.

  • For example, do you not find it acceptable for her to show up at your house? The next time the girl does this, say, “We're not together anymore and it's not right for you to come to my house. If you come again, I won't answer, and if you insist, I'll be forced to take legal action.”
  • Never break your own rules. Without consistency, the girl will continue to do everything that bothers her.
Be Single and Happy Step 12

Step 3. Be aware of your emotions

Your "ex" may try to use your feelings against you, making you regret or feel guilty about leaving. Don't let the girl control your mind - remember her emotions are not your responsibility. Refuse to accept her attempts to coerce you back on the basis of guilt. If you can get away from it, go away. If it doesn't, say: "I won't talk while you're out of control."

  • Obsessive people want control. The girl should look to someone else to exercise power if you don't give in to her attempts at manipulation through emotional reactions.
  • She can say anything to make you feel sorry, but be strong. Maybe you think you're a gentleman for trying to comfort her, but know that then she'll only have positive reinforcement to play with her emotions again.
Be a Gentleman Step 26

Step 4. Be kind

Didn't the girl get your attention any other way? Then she might try to get you mad by sending you negative messages or verbally attacking you face-to-face just to annoy you. Don't lose your mind. You may think that being cordial can have the opposite effect, but responding to attacks in kind only rewards the girl's attempt with the attention she so craves. Show her that you're unfazed by anything.

  • Say, "I know you're hurting, but I won't treat you badly."
  • Don't be so kind, either. React calmly the first time and ignore the next attacks.

Part 2 of 3: Moving away from your ex-girlfriend

Deal With Party Crashers Step 1

Step 1. Change the routine

If you see each other all the time, it makes it harder for your "ex" to get over you. Try changing a few things in your routine to lessen the risk of finding it. Do you know she goes to a specific supermarket? Shop at another. Check out a new bar on the weekend if you think she can go where the couple always went.

Notice if the girl “coincidentally” appears in the places you decide to go. She may be keeping an eye on your steps

Become Sociable Step 2

Step 2. Talk to your friends

If you have mutual friends, let them know that you are trying to stay away from her. Don't talk bad about the girl, just make it clear that you shouldn't get close. This way, you avoid receiving invitations to the same events as her. Say: “Things between us are a little tense right now. I think we'd better stay away. Please don't ask us out at the same time.” If they don't respect your request, it might be better to make new friends.

  • Never ask your friends to choose sides. This attitude only serves to make the situation worse and put more people in the circle.
  • Never insult your "ex" in front of mutual friends, as gossip is likely to reach her ears, which gives more ammunition for future attacks.
  • Cut off contact with these friends right away in case your "ex" tries to use them as spies.
Let Go of a Failed Relationship Step 7

Step 3. Block the girl

Do not allow your ex-girlfriend to contact you by phone or social media. If she tries to call from another number, block that too. The method of blocking numbers varies by cell phone make and model and by social network. Do the full service and block the person from any means where they might try to get in touch with you.

  • If you don't know how to block a number on your cell phone, look for information on the internet with the make and model. Block the person on WhatsApp too.
  • To block someone on Facebook, go to “Settings” and then “Block” to enter the person's name or go to their page and block them.
Become an Expat Step 25

Step 4. Move

Your ex-girlfriend doesn't leave you alone after months of separation? Maybe you think about taking extreme measures. Start a new life in a different place where she can't find you and keep the information secret. Do not reveal the address to any of your mutual friends. Your ex's constant unwanted attention can be frightening. Perhaps you are happier when you move elsewhere.

If you want to keep friends, tell the reason for your move. Make absolutely sure you can trust them before you tell them where you're going

Part 3 of 3: Protecting Yourself

Deal With Stalkers Step 18

Step 1. Document everything she does

If you have to involve the police, you need to have a record of your ex-girlfriend's obsessive behavior, so always keep evidence of her harassment. Take a screenshot of all the offensive messages she sends. If you can, record videos if she doesn't leave your house or shows up uninvited. Enlist the help of people who witnessed the woman's actions. Anyway, gather all the evidence you can.

If she is vindictive, she may file a false complaint against you alleging sexual harassment or assault. It's easier to clear your name if you have solid evidence of your "ex's unstable behavior," without any retaliation on your part

Deal With Party Crashers Step 12

Step 2. Protect your home

Your ex-girlfriend's emotional out of control may lead you to believe that you have the right to enter or vandalize your home. Don't make it easy for her to enter: always lock the doors and windows when leaving the house. If she has the keys, change the lock. Another idea is to install a motion sensor light to scare her.

If you want to invest some money, you can even install a more sophisticated security system with an alarm and even electronic monitoring

Get a Job Fast Step 1

Step 3. Be prepared

Your ex-girlfriend has been making threats of physical violence and do you think she can carry them out? It might be better to protect yourself with pepper spray, a good non-lethal option to fend off someone who tries to attack you. Buy one of these online and take it with you at all times, especially when you are in a vulnerable moment.

  • The use of pepper spray for self-defense has been allowed on Brazilian territory since the end of 2014, but you must have the purchase certificate with you whenever you carry the object if the document is requested by an authority.
  • Learn how to use pepper spray in the right way for it to work.
Get a Court Order Step 14

Step 4. Register a BO

Go to a police station and make a BO out of the evidence you were able to gather. Take all the documentation of the woman's abusive behavior and find out more about how to proceed at the police station.

  • If the situation is ugly, it is also good to look for a lawyer to find out if it is possible to obtain a protective measure and avoid approaching it.
  • Some people are intimidated by such attitudes, but maybe your "ex" doesn't give a damn. Don't let your guard down in any way.


  • Think you're dating someone obsessed with you? End the relationship as soon as possible.
  • Have good friends around to remind you of the reasons for the breakup. That way, you are not tempted to go back.
  • Don't fight back. The more you fight and confront the person, the more obsessed they can become.
  • Maybe your "ex" has addiction issues. Perhaps none of the manipulation tactics are intended to physically harm you, but you know how to defend and protect yourself. Encourage her to seek professional help and get therapy.


  • Don't fall for her game. All emotional crises are only meant to control you.
  • Cut the obsessive people out of your life completely. Do not visit them on anniversaries or special occasions.
  • Never try to reassure an obsessive person, as they may interpret your behavior as a sign of submission and weakness.
  • Never make a date alone with an obsessed ex.

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