How to Tell Your Ex You Don't Want Friendship

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How to Tell Your Ex You Don't Want Friendship
How to Tell Your Ex You Don't Want Friendship

Many couples try to continue the friendship after the relationship ends, but not all succeed; after all, there are times when trying to maintain contact is more harmful than beneficial. Don't be afraid to reject your ex-boyfriend's friendship, don't feel guilty, or feel it's your duty to provide an explanation for it. The fact that you don't want to should be enough.


Part 1 of 3: Saying "No" Effectively

Make Someone Fall in Love with You Step 2

Step 1. Say what you want without hesitation and clearly

The hardest part about saying no is deciding if that's what you really want. So, once that desire is clear to you, go ahead and let your ex know without leaving a doubt. Remember that you are not obliged to explain, especially if she was the one who ended it.

  • Be brief and kind. Say something like "It's better not to try to keep this friendship" or "I don't think it's a good idea for us to continue to pursue this friendship."
  • Don't make promises or try to give alternatives. No one said you 'can't' be friends in the future, but promising that now is absolutely unnecessary. Don't say “We'll see how we look in six months”, “I'll talk to you when I feel ready”, or anything like that; this will only give your ex false hope and keep you from getting on with your life.
  • On the other hand, if you're the one who broke up, say “I know this is hard to hear and it's not my intention to hurt you, but I don't want to keep the friendship going just yet” or “I understand this is very sudden and you want keep the friendship, but I don't want to.”
  • If you feel that this process will be too painful for her, recommend therapy or give her a psychologist's number. Say that you know she is suffering and point out a path where she can go through this phase more comfortably. Another alternative is to talk to relatives and friends so that she has the support she needs at this delicate time.
Ignore Annoying People Step 16

Step 2. Put an end to your story, if possible

There is no recipe for ending a relationship. Just as you may feel that you have achieved the desired end, it is possible that some unresolved issues prevent you from living in peace. One last conversation can resolve open feelings and unresolved issues.

  • This will facilitate the ultimate end, as you will not use the old promises of friendship as a crutch to get what you need.
  • Maybe your ex isn't interested in having this conversation. In this case, it may be necessary to talk to a therapist or close friends to help with the letting go process.
  • Choose a place and time when you want privacy and tranquility. If meeting you in person is not a possibility, try by email or letter. Writing also helps to expose thoughts and feelings more accurately.
Make Someone Fall in Love with You Step 8

Step 3. Determine your new limits

Now that you have made clear your intention to cut ties, you will have to establish and enforce your limits and that depends on the level of relationship you had.

  • As difficult as it is, make your demands. A good example would be to say “Please don't go to the events I go to”; your ex will likely resist your urge, but it's good to start by telling him what you really expect going forward, so he understands where you stand on the matter.
  • If your life was marital, know that it is not a good idea to take too long for one of you to leave the house, at the risk of prolonging a comfortable, unhealthy and difficult situation to leave. After all, if you don't want to continue the friendship, why would you live with him?
  • Another issue that must be resolved in this case is your ex-partner's financial situation; if he depends on you, talk to friends and family so he has the support he needs until he can get back on track. Nothing stops her from helping him for a while, paying child support if he gets legal custody of them, or helping him find a place to live. Separation of property is only predetermined in marriages with a prenuptial agreement.

Part 2 of 3: Limiting Contact

Know when to Get Mental Health Counseling Step 11

Step 1. Develop how and when you can be contacted

There are many factors that can cause unexpected encounters, such as working together, being part of the same circle of friends, having children, pets or joint assets, etc. In these situations, the ideal is to have an agreement on how to handle these encounters.

  • Say what you want to be more in control of the situation. You will likely have to negotiate several aspects. If you guys work together, it's impossible to demand that he never show up again, you'll have to say something like “We work in the same place and we'll see each other eventually. However, I prefer not to talk to you during my shift. Please don't come to me except in case of need”.
  • In the case of children, you will have to agree on custody, visits, growth milestones (such as graduations) and family reunions. See a lawyer or psychologist if you can't bear the thought of seeing him again.
  • Write down the deals they make to reference what was agreed in future disagreements.
Know if a Guy Doesn't Like You Back Step 9

Step 2. Don't look for it

In the beginning it is difficult to resist the temptation to get in touch, especially if the end point has not been given or if the loss is too great. However, until both are recovered, looking for him is not a good idea.

  • Delete his contact from your cell phone to not call or send messages.
  • When the urge hits, prefer to write a diary to let off steam, write a letter saying everything you're thinking, even if you don't deliver it later. This will help her digest the facts without appealing to look for him.
  • Another option is to call a friend and let off steam.
  • Avoid going to places where you can meet, such as bars, restaurants, malls and nightclubs, even if this requires changing your routine; if you pass his house for work or school, choose another route.
Make out in a Movie Theater Step 11

Step 3. Ignore if he flirts or confuses your signals

Even if you set limits, your ex-boyfriend may insist on contacting you. Maybe he sends messages too affectionate to show that he still wants you, but you shouldn't respond. He's breaking the deal they made to make life easier after the breakup, and you have the right to pretend it wasn't you.

  • He can do this to try to force a communication on your part. Do not respond unless you have previously agreed to these attempts.
  • Seek specific assistance in cases of domestic violence if you think your ex-partner may harass you, harass you or threaten your integrity. Make a B.O. and ask for a protective measure.
  • Remember that colorful friendship is still a friendship.

Part 3 of 3: Recovering from Termination

Not Stalk Your Ex on Social Media Step 7

Step 1. Stop following him on social media

Keeping an eye on the updates he makes will bring up controversial memories and feelings. It may even be necessary to undo the friendship in the virtual environment and block it.

  • It may seem like this contact isn't a big deal, but think about how you'll feel when he starts posting photos of dates and new girlfriends.
  • Some people prefer to leave social media during this period. It can be quite helpful to take a week to a month break from online life, to focus on your own life and pursue your goals without worrying about your ex-boyfriend's existence.
Know if You Have an Eating Disorder Step 17

Step 2. Take back your individuality

When a relationship ends, the tendency is to have more time to devote to new projects and activities. Start or pick up hobbies you enjoyed before you hooked up with your ex, call a friend you haven't seen in a long time for dinner, and do something fun together!

  • Some of the best ways to get back into balance are to exercise, spend time outdoors, and do something you love. It's normal to feel a little lonely at first, but with time a wave of pleasurable independence will emerge and you'll enjoy your lonely moments.
  • Spend more time with the people you love. Surrounding yourself with those who love us and wish us well is an important aspect of personal recognition after a breakup.
Help Your Overweight Girlfriend or Boyfriend Be Healthy Step 11

Step 3. Return to active

Depending on the type and duration of the relationship, it may take a while to get back to flirting. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to, rather be ready for it. Eventually, you will want to look for new love.

  • A good way to do this is to use dating apps, especially if you want less serious affairs and casual encounters. These apps can make life easier for those who want to meet people in similar situations.
  • If your relationship ended because you wanted to get married and your ex-partner didn't, using such an app can help you find a special someone who has the same goals as you.
  • Be honest when talking about the moment you're looking at new dates. Of course, you don't need to mention the sordid details, but it's okay to say that you just got out of a serious relationship. Say that you are still digesting everything that happened, but that you are happy to be single again.


  • When setting your limits, don't disrespect them. If you tell your ex-boyfriend that you don't want more contact, but end up sending a message on impulse, he'll think you don't know what he wants and will see it as an opportunity to get closer.
  • If you feel that you would really like to have him as a friend, think about the reasons for this. Find out if you're not interested in coming back, if you want to keep it controlled and in love, or if you're just lonely. Be honest with yourself.


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