Feeling that a relationship is coming to an end is not a pleasant situation to live in, but every relationship has its ups and downs. The feeling of going downhill can awaken in you that desperate desire to save your relationship or marriage. One way to try to avoid the breakup is to anticipate the problem and talk to the other person and make an effort to strengthen the bonds between the couple, but being aware that not every relationship has the obligation to last forever. Analyze the scenario as a whole to determine whether it is better to try to preserve the union or put an end point altogether.
Method 1 of 3: Solving Problems
Step 1. Talk to the person
Try to anticipate the problem before it boils over. Call your partner in for a conversation and open your heart to this feeling of fear and anxiety that overwhelms you. Ask for time so that you can work more calmly on these difficult issues you are facing.
- “I get the feeling you're wanting to break up with me. Don't we deserve a chance to try to make things better? Let's take a moment and reflect on what really matters to us” is an example of what you can talk about.
- Take advantage of this period of reflection to look inside yourself and see if it's a good idea to continue this novel.
Step 2. Stand back a bit
When you agree to take a break, take a few days to reflect on your own. Think of the relationship as a whole and analyze the scenarios to see how best to proceed going forward.
Asking for a friendly opinion can help you see the situation from a new perspective and then make the best decision
Step 3. Expose your hurts
After each has had time to reflect on their own, get together to raise and discuss the main problems in the relationship and try together to find the best solution.
- To facilitate the process, each should make a list of what they consider to be the biggest problems in the relationship. It is important to detail each point with as much information as possible to then (and separately) try to find ways to resolve it.
- In the meeting, share all the points raised and point out suggestions to overcome these obstacles.
- Let's assume that your partner is not in the habit of calling to let you know that he will be arriving later, leaving you with constant worry. One suggestion you can give is that he set an alarm on his phone to contact you whenever he realizes he won't be able to leave on time.
Step 4. Speak in first person
Many conflicts can be resolved simply by the way you talk to your partner. Speaking sentences using "you" can give the impression that you are accusing the person, whereas when you use "I" you express your feelings without making the other defensive.
A sentence in the first person will sound something like this: “Antonio, I get worried when you arrive late. I would feel much calmer if you called to let me know.”
Step 5. Come to an agreement.
Usually couples can find at least one point where they both agree. Use this example to resolve other conflicts.
- What kind of thing do you two want? What changes can you jointly try to make the romance work?
- Using the example of being late, your partner may get so excited talking to friends that he doesn't even remember to call to let them know he'll be arriving later. A simple text message would be enough to reassure her and solve the problems on both sides.
Step 6. Do couple therapy.
If the problem is lack of communication and the ability to resolve conflicts, it is important to seek help from a therapist. Raising the issues with the guidance of a professional will help the couple find more effective ways to resolve these issues.
This meeting with the therapist can even make you see that some problems in the relationship are not solvable or that the couple is not compatible at all. The series of consultations could be the confirmation you needed to put an end to the relationship
Step 7. Don't beg
Faced with an imminent breakup, it is normal to want to take some actions to try to save the relationship, but begging is not one of them. That kind of conduct will only make your dignity go down the drain. Furthermore, in the face of this plea, your partner may begin to lose respect for you and threaten to leave you again in the future.
Method 2 of 3: Strengthening the Bonds
Step 1. Think about your reasons for falling in love
Praise, exchange of gifts or small gestures of love and affection are good memories to relive the trajectory of this romance. Think about the things you did in the beginning that you neglected over time.
Did you use to give him a foot massage whenever he came home exhausted after a day's work? Start doing this again. When you realize that you never appreciate the little things he does, try to show more appreciation
Step 2. Be honest about your needs
Many relationship problems arise because a person's needs are not met. Good communication is the secret to a healthy relationship and is the foundation that involves the couple.
- Take a time each day to talk with your partner about serious and trivial things. Creating this habit will make the conversation between you more relaxed and open.
- When talking about your needs, try not to rationalize too much. Simple things like “I need to make sure you care about me”, “I'd like to feel safer in the relationship” or “I'd like to hear you say you love me more often” can make all the difference.
- Don't expect him to read your mind or automatically know what you want. Advise your partner about what you want him to do.
Step 3. Know how to actively listen
Everyone likes to be listened to and given attention, and in a relationship, both of you need to work towards that. When you are discussing serious matters, act as if you are facing an important commitment (which it is). Put your cell phone on silent, turn off the TV, and give your partner your full attention.
As he speaks, listen to everything he has to say. Before answering or replying with your opinion, ask questions or repeat what was said to make sure you understood correctly
Step 4. Try to keep the flame of love burning
Over time, it's normal for the relationship to start to cool down, but it's up to the two involved to try to maintain the romance. Dinner for two once a week, a thoughtful call in the middle of the day, or a tender kiss before going to school or work are simple gestures that help to keep the sparks of passion alive.
Step 5. Pay attention to your individual needs
It is important that everyone has time to be alone and do their activities individually. Whenever possible, try to do things that are of interest to you. As a couple, it's healthy for neither of you to lose their uniqueness.
Go after what gives you pleasure, go out with friends and family and take care of your health and well-being
Method 3 of 3: Accepting the Time to Quit
Step 1. Think about reasons for continuing the relationship
Have you ever thought about the reasons for wanting to prevent your partner from breaking up with you? Deeply reflect on this. Question your real intentions to want to continue with him. Are they beneficial to both of you or are they just focused on you?
Wanting to stay in a relationship for fear of being single or not wanting to be the person to be dumped are examples of selfish intentions
Step 2. Don't accept abusive behavior
No type of abuse can be tolerated in a relationship. Any abusive physical, sexual, verbal or emotional attitude is more than enough reason to make you not want to stay involved. Leaving a person with that kind of behavior can be a little scary, but don't be afraid.
Seek the support of family and friends to join forces and courage to get out of this violent relationship
Step 3. Note if you are codependent
Being in a relationship where the guy has an addiction or bad behavior pattern can make you unwilling to leave him because you feel responsible. Being codependent means that you feel partially obligated to care for and support your partner. Those in this position often don't realize how harmful this type of relationship is.
Learn to recognize the signs of codependency and seek therapy. Working on a way to undo the ties that keep her in this toxic relationship is the best way out
Step 4. Complete this end-and-return cycle at once
Some couples often break up and come back several times. This is another highly harmful behavior pattern. If either of you has reason enough to put a stop to it, there is no reason to back out of the decision. Finishing once and for all may not be the easiest decision in the world, but it needs to be made.
- Don't rationalize or make excuses to justify what makes you unhappy. Put your cards on the table and an end to this toxic relationship.
- Try to work on other aspects of your life so you don't relapse and go back to the guy. Reconnect with your friends, find a new hobby or commit to a new goal. Anything that diverts attention or the need to be with your ex.
- Taking therapy helps a lot in this process of returning to life without a partner by your side, especially if you are the type of person who feels responsible for the partner or who is afraid of being alone.