It's normal to get stuck in the past after a breakup. Does moving forward seem impossible? Alright, we know how it is! Still, focus on taking care of yourself so that your broken heart starts to recover. Then work on your emotions and build your independence. When you're done, get back into the love game and make new connections. Come on?
Method 1 of 4: Dealing With the Grief
Step 1. Focus on self-care in the week after completion
Ending a relationship is painful, but self-care can help. Take care of your personal needs and allow yourself to engage in healthy activities that promote well-being. Also, force yourself to be active and social, as this will improve your mood.
For example, eat your favorite dish, take a dance class or head to a spa. Another option is to invite your friends to go to the movies or bowling
Step 2. Create a new routine to take control of your life
Now is the time to create the life you've always wanted, starting with a new routine. Create a schedule for your day that helps you stay on top of your responsibilities while working on your goals, hanging out with friends, and practicing your hobbies. Adapt the routine as needed.
- Don't forget to include meals, baths and household chores in your schedule.
- Do something you like every day. You deserve to be happy!
- For example, take a shower, eat a healthy breakfast, go to work, have dinner with friends, paint a picture, take an online class, and read a book before bed.
Step 3. Stay active without brooding over negative thoughts
As much as it feels like sitting on the couch eating a whole pot of ice cream, it's only going to make it worse. Instead, try to get out of your head a little by exercising or playing something. This will make you feel better while overcoming negative emotions.
Invite a friend to do something. If no one is available, go out alone! Go to a park, a coffee shop or a mall
Step 4. Have fun with friends and family
Surround yourself with people who support and care for you. Talk to those you love every day and invite them to spend time with you. This will help you realize that you are truly loved!
Try spending time with a friend or family member every day. For example, have dinner with your parents, watch Wednesday football with a friend, or invite your cousin to walk in the park
Step 5. Get rid of your ex's physical and digital memories
Seeing things that remind the other person will trigger negative feelings, as you will remember happier times gone by. Keep all your memories in a box or donate them if you prefer. Also delete the photos and messages you exchanged. Finally, stop following the person on social media.
- If you don't want to throw anything away, put the objects in a box and give it to a friend. When you're done, you can take the box back or discard it.
- You can save some digital photos in a folder for later viewing if you like. It's okay if you don't want to delete your birthday photos just because your ex is in them, but it's best not to look at the photos until you've moved on.
Method 2 of 4: Processing Your Emotions
Step 1. Control your future, rather than seeing yourself as a victim
If your ex dumped you or did something wrong, it's okay to feel hurt and lose hope for the future, but thinking you're a victim will only make your situation worse. To be able to move forward, focus on the things that are under your control and look for ways to build an exciting future. Some tips:
- Remember that you cannot change others, but you can change your reactions to them. For example, you can't change the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you, but you can treat it as a mistake, not a malicious, intentional act.
- When you find yourself thinking about the past, stop and think about how you will use what happened to have a better future. For example, now you know how strong you are and how you survived a big problem!
- Decide what you want in a new partner, so you know what to look for.
Step 2. Allow yourself to feel your emotions
It's okay to want to put the bad feelings aside, but that will only prolong the hurts. To move forward, you have to allow yourself to feel. Recognize and name your emotions so you can overcome them.
- Don't get distracted to avoid sadness, as this will keep you from moving forward.
- For example, repeat things like, "I'm really angry right now and it's giving me a stomachache" or "I'm getting desperate and I'm feeling tight in my chest."
Step 3. Express your emotions so you can get rid of them
Listen to what your body is asking for! Do you need to cry, scream or exercise to get it all out? Do it! It's also good to let off steam with a friend or with a letter - write down how you feel and then tear up the paper as a way to release what's stuck in your throat. Do whatever it takes to feel better.
- For example, go for a run or cry the pitangas!
- It's okay if you don't get better in a day or two. Release emotions for as long as necessary!
Step 4. Reflect on what you learned in the relationship
As painful as endings are, they also teach a lot. Think about what you've been through and how you can use that knowledge in the future. Treat termination as a learning opportunity, not a waste of time.
Most relationships don't work for a lifetime, and you need to find out what you really want and look for in a partner. It hurts, we know, but it will help you in the future
Step 5. Analyze your past relationships and look for patterns
It is likely that the pain you are experiencing is older. Are you reproducing patterns you learned in childhood? Think back to your past relationships and endings to identify patterns and repetition and put an end to that cycle. This will help you have better relationships in the future.
- For example, you may have trouble communicating because your parents didn't like to talk about their feelings. This may be hurting your love relationships, but it's not the end of the world!
- Likewise, you may find yourself running after emotionally unavailable people. In the future, try to identify these habits to avoid forming relationships with people who treat you this way.
Step 6. forgive yourself and forgive whoever hurt you.
We all make mistakes, but living stuck in the past will only make things worse. If you were really hurt, forgive the person for their mistakes and focus on the future. Forgive yourself also for your role in the breakup and for picking the wrong person.
Forgiving another says a lot about you. This does not mean that what the other person did was wrong, but that you are choosing to move forward
Method 3 of 4: Building Your Independence
Step 1. Meet your own needs for love and validation
Don't expect a partner to fulfill your needs! By being a self-sufficient person, you will be more independent and stronger. Find out what you need and work to achieve it on your own.
- For example, you may have the need to hear that it's beautiful on a daily basis. To satisfy this, look in the mirror each morning and say, "Good morning, beautiful thing."
- Likewise, you might want someone to say that everything is going to be okay. Spread positive affirmations around your home or work environment to remind yourself that everything will be all right.
Step 2. Enjoy whatever you want to do on your own terms
Embrace the freedom to make decisions on your own to reaffirm your independence. Start choosing things based on what makes you happy, not what made you happy when you were in a relationship. Cut your hair the way you want, buy the clothes you like and adopt habits that make you feel good.
- If you lived with your ex, it might be a good idea to change the way you clean, do the dishes, or organize things around the house.
- If you didn't live together, you might still need to change things. Find other places to hang out, change your routes, or watch what you want on Netflix!
Step 3. Set personal goals and pursue them
Now is the time to do the things you've always wanted. Imagine what you would like to have in a few years and put down on paper three goals that will help you achieve it. Then break those goals down into steps that can be put into action. Finally, set a timeline for each of your steps.
- For example, your three goals might be "To pursue my passion in my profession", "Lead a healthier life", and "Have a creative hobby".
- To achieve your career goal, your three practical steps might be: asking your boss to put you to work on projects that use your talents, creating a freelancer profile on a website, and ordering business cards.
- To achieve the goal of healthy living, your three practical steps might be: enrolling in a dance course, putting together a weekly menu, and meditating every day.
- To achieve the goal of the creative hobby, your three practical steps might be: join a local group of artists, attend a craft workshop, and draw during your lunch break.
Formulate your goals positively. For example, instead of writing "Escape from my horrible job", write "Getting a job that satisfies me."
Step 4. Go after hobbies and interests that make you happy
When you're in a relationship, you have to let go of part of who you are. Now it's time to claim the activities and interests that make you happy! Make a list of things you liked before you started dating, as well as hobbies and things you always wanted to try. Then incorporate these activities into your routine.
For example, take a painting course, join a community theater company, visit a game fair, or learn how to brew your own beer
Step 5. Learn new skills that will help you grow as a person
Developing your skills will make you feel more independent and joyful. Identify something you've always wanted to learn or think might help you in the future and take a free class, attend workshops, or take a full course.
- For example, you could learn to plan to apply for a job you've always wanted.
- Want to be more creative? How about taking a course in writing or painting.
- If you want to improve your relationships, how about taking a course in psychology or communication.
- If you want to work on your fitness, sign up for a gym program.
Step 6. Reorganize your space to start from scratch
Create an environment that matches the life you want to lead from now on. Start by clearing out the mess, starting with items that remind you of the life you had when you were dating. Then rearrange the furniture, change the bedding, and buy new decorations. This will help you focus on the future, not the past.
- No need to change everything you have. Simply rearranging things and moving them around will help a lot.
- If you used to live with your ex, it's important to change your space a lot so that it looks like your home, not the home you shared with each other.
Method 4 of 4: Getting Back to the Love Game
Step 1. Avoid using a new relationship as a distraction
When we're dealing with a broken heart, a new partner may seem like the ideal remedy, but that's dead wrong. You need to take some time to recover and find yourself again before getting back into the love scene, as "rebound relationships" will only hurt everyone involved. Allow yourself time away from the romance, focusing only on your recovery.
- No need to lock yourself in the house, however. Hang out with your friends, put your interests into practice and spend time with family.
- There is no rule on how long to wait before dating again. It all depends on your previous relationship and how you feel.
Step 2. Start looking for someone else when you're ready for a new connection
You'll know you're ready when you get excited about the idea of forming a sincere connection with someone. It's important to focus on meeting people and identifying with them, not feeling good. If you know you are no longer in the rebound period, put your face in the world and go back to dating.
Don't use relationships to feel better about yourself, as this is a sign that you haven't gotten over your ex and aren't ready to meet new people
You'll be ready to get back together when you get excited about a potential partner, but not despair. You should have a healthy relationship with yourself that makes you comfortable with singleness, while at the same time being open to falling in love with the right person.
Step 3. Focus on making a connection, not finding love
As much as the goal of dating someone is to find a life partner, you don't need to find "that person" right away. Real love takes time to develop, so see your encounters as an opportunity to identify with someone and look for qualities that make you good partners. When you find someone you care about, take the time to get to know that person well before opening up completely.
Don't focus on one person at a time. Take the time you need to make connections with different people and understand what you're really looking for in a partner
Step 4. Take it easy instead of rushing into a relationship
When creating a connection with someone, spend time getting to know the person. Have a few dates, talk a lot, and get to know each other's friends. As much as it's okay to talk about the future, don't rush things. Get to know each other well so that the relationship can develop and strengthen.
When starting to date a person, open yourself slowly, revealing yourself little by little. This will help you build trust in each other
- Focus on the benefits of singleness. Look for ways to have fun with your friends, reaffirm your independence and pursue what makes you happy.
- You don't have to change everything overnight. Go at your own pace, building a life you love while celebrating every step you take.