How to Overcome Jealousy After Breaking Up

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How to Overcome Jealousy After Breaking Up
How to Overcome Jealousy After Breaking Up

Even if the breakup is inevitable and you know you're better off single, you can't automatically stop caring about the person. It is common to imagine how she is, what she is doing, and especially, if she still misses her or if she moved on. Post-breakup jealousy is sometimes greater than what you felt when you were together, as you will have to face your worst nightmare of seeing him with someone else. All variations of potential encounters now materialize into a real flesh-and-blood person. And perhaps the worst part of it all is that you no longer have the right to protest. Your first impulse is to be angry, betrayed, and disappointed. As much as you try to get over these emotions, they keep coming up and making you feel bad. Luckily, this problem is quite common and - believe it or not - it's not as difficult to overcome as it seems at first. Here are some suggestions to help you get out of that jealousy that follows the end of a relationship.


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Step 1. Calm down

Repeat to yourself that eventually everything will get better. Remember that it is not a real, physical factor that triggers your anger, fear, and panic. There is nothing that threatens you; instead, it's all inside of you and your job is to get rid of it to feel in harmony again. Once you convince yourself that you are safe, you will begin to feel in control and able to deal with all kinds of negative emotions.

  • Make a rational approach to your negative feelings. Rather than thinking of them as unavoidable and natural, look for ways to turn them into helpful actions that you will put up with rather than make you feel helpless and helpless. Know that negative emotions keep you connected to the loss, while a positive attitude allows you to walk away from the person while still knowing you once had a relationship without feeling upset.
  • Be good to yourself. Do you really need to go through this? Not!
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Step 2. Don't spend time thinking about jealousy

Focusing on negative emotions will leave you in a vulnerable position. You can easily confuse anger and fear with thinking that you still like your ex and that you need to get back. Obsessing about his new love - who he is, what he does - is even worse and more dangerous. Thinking about them won't help you see what you don't like about yourself and what you need to change. These thoughts will only imprison you in more fear, doubt, pain and jealousy and will keep you from moving forward.

  • Keep in mind that brooding over what might have been is living in the past by letting nostalgia trap you in a past period of life. Despite what they say, the saying “it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved” is equally neglected; still, it's much healthier to appreciate that you once loved that person, but now it's time to move on. It is possible to treasure the experience for what it was without letting it drag you into the past forever.
  • If you really can't stop thinking about it, jealousy occurs because you want a situation you don't have. The only lesson you can learn from this is to respond to yourself what is missing in you and resolve it by focusing more on your personal growth (see steps below). Think of it this way; even if you had such a person back, would this deep emptiness be filled? No, because no person can fill an internal dissatisfaction; only you have that power.
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Step 3. Look around

Yes, look around - your home, your job, your family, friends, career, etc. Notice all the great people and opportunities around you. Focus on the people who make you happy. Think of all the things people praised you for; doing so will help you feel confident and grateful, making you want to achieve more good things that bring joy, avoid the pangs of jealousy, and fill the void.

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Step 4. Have a lifeguard, at least in the beginning

If you are very lucky, you will rarely or never meet your ex with your new girlfriend/girlfriend again. However, if you can't avoid meeting them, make sure you're not alone whenever you know you can't avoid the unpleasant encounter. Having a lifeguard, an accomplice, will make you feel more secure. Friends and colleagues will also distract you and keep you from obsessing over the happy couple.

Listen to friends and family. It is possible that they have a different perspective on how the situation developed and can give you advice on how to deal with it. Don't assume they won't say anything just to make you feel better; seek their wisdom

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Step 5. Take the long way around

Of course, you cannot always be accompanied by someone to help you balance this delicate situation. When the inevitable date happens and you're alone, be nice and reserved. It's essential to be polite, but no one expects you to treat each other like best friends. Trying that would be weird and fake and would only stress you out more.

Have quick getaways planned, like “It's good to see you, Maria. Sorry but I can't talk, I have a dentist appointment and I'm already late” or “Good to see you, but I have to pick up my boss at the airport and the traffic is bad”. Or simply “Hi, good to see you're alright. See you". You don't need to give explanations unless you want to, but try not to show your feelings with facial expressions or by cutting the person too sharply

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Step 6. Get in top shape

This isn't to make the ex realize what he's lost (and want you back), or to prove to someone that you're better than the new girlfriend. Do it because you deserve it: it's your duty to yourself to show the world the best version of yourself. There is no better remedy for overcoming jealousy and spite than a good dose of self-confidence.

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Step 7. Keep yourself busy

Finding something to constantly occupy yourself with will take up all your time, ensuring that at the end of the day you'll be so tired and proud of what you've achieved that you won't even think about negative things. On the other hand, doing so will ensure that other people admire and envy you, and once again be convinced of how amazing you are. This can be a great opportunity to let your creative side flourish and improve your professional aspects, if you look at this time as for your personal growth and take advantage of the opportunities.

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Step 8. Be your top priority

Whatever you do, remember that all your actions should be focused on moving forward. Once you've become the most important person in your life, you'll find yourself moving so fast that the past will be too far behind you to think about it. Your ex and the other person will be just a vague memory, a part of your experience and nothing more.


  • Remember all those things you never had time to do because you were too busy dating? Dive into that pile of unread magazines, spend an entire weekend working in the car, prepare that delicious dessert or go to that new store you always pass by but never enter. You now have both the opportunity and the need to keep yourself busy with enjoyable activities like these.
  • Change, change, change! Reorganize your apartment, paint the walls, get a new haircut. When done, do the same things for your best friend. Any improvement in your life will refresh your mind and make you feel better.
  • There are more people out there!


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