Many reasons can make a woman curious about having a relationship with two boyfriends at the same time. She may be “polyamorous” – a sexual preference that involves “multiple loves” – and want to keep a relationship with more than one partner. In addition, the woman may be looking for a “non-exclusive” relationship, which allows her to know what a relationship is like without making a serious commitment, or even for the adrenaline of having two boyfriends in secret. If this last option is your case, be aware that it can lead to the destruction of both relationships, making impossible the chance of a future with one of the men. There are several good arguments for dating more than one person, but the moral issue becomes complicated when both partners believe they are “exclusive”.
Part 1 of 4: Dating Two People "Non-Exclusively"
Step 1. Explore through “non-exclusive” dating
Dating two or more people can have many potential benefits for you and both partners.
- Interacting with more people at the same time can speed up the process of finding your “soulmate”.
- Having two boyfriends allows you to compare and analyze their personalities. This can cause important lessons about your own personality and preferences to be learned.
- You will improve your ability to do well on a first date, increasing self-confidence. The more you test in the field of “dating”, it will be possible to avoid nervousness and even adopt an analytical approach to know if the partner is the right person.
Step 2. From the beginning, make it clear to partners that you are not looking for an exclusive relationship; not now, at least
Honesty allows both of you to assess whether you really should keep meeting. One of the strengths of this type of relationship may be the ability of one boyfriend to make the other try harder to please you.
Step 3. Don't be in a hurry
Don't go headlong into a relationship that will make you regret it later. Maintaining non-exclusive relationships gives you a better chance of learning about your preferences, your priorities, and increases your ability to make better decisions when you decide it's time for a more serious commitment.
Part 2 of 4: Maintaining a relationship with two “boyfriends”
Step 1. Determine motivation
Do you consider it “cheating” to have two boyfriends? If so, you recognize that there will be constant moral pressure. On the other hand, by believing that you are “polyamorous”, you may be looking for relationships that will best suit your personal identity.
Step 2. Decide if the boyfriends will know about each other
In certain cases, you and they will consider the polyamorous relationship as something that everyone enjoys. Even if boyfriends aren't interested in dating more than one person, they may be attracted to your honesty in saying you're not ready to have a relationship with just one exclusive partner.
Step 3. Set your expectations for both relationships
Do boyfriends correspond to different needs? How will you organize your time and disposition?
- Make a schedule. When will you meet one of them and what will they do?
- If you're keeping relationships a secret, how are you going to ensure that one boyfriend doesn't know about the other?
- Think about how the other relationship can be impacted by keeping two boyfriends. Will your friends and relatives approve of this? Who should you tell? How to deal with the possibility of a man being considered your boyfriend for a certain group of people (such as your friends, for example), while for your family, the boyfriend is someone else?
Part 3 of 4: How to have a relationship with two boyfriends
Step 1. Determine your strategy for maintaining each relationship
The option to keep a “schedule”, as mentioned above, will need constant maintenance if you want both to be happy. It is a fundamental factor, whether the relationships are open or secret.
- Consider how you will take the time to give attention to each boyfriend and his needs. This task requires knowing how to deal with time and also not being confused by the details of each relationship.
- Compartmentalizing each relationship can be helpful so as not to confuse aspects of each boyfriend. One, for example, can be your partner to play tennis and walk in the street, while the other studies with you at college.
Step 2. Decide what you will do when you meet one of them while you are with the other
If relationships are open, this is easier to get around, but if they are kept secret, a plan B is needed.
- There is a way to “camouflage” the nature of the relationship by treating boyfriends as friends. However, it is necessary to analyze how they will react to your behavior. Will they be confused or irritated by your sudden “lack” of affection?
- This can lead to building a web of lies and evasion, with you right in the middle. It is important to think quickly and know that the moral discomfort will become even more pronounced.
Step 3. Decide how you will handle social events
Which boyfriend will accompany you to social events, such as weddings, company parties and other events? The context in which you meet each of the men can help you naturally answer these questions, but sometimes you will need to choose.
- If you're not ready for a group of friends or relatives to consider one of your partners your “official boyfriend,” it might be better to go to social events alone.
- Think carefully about your circle of relationships. Will choosing an event partner force you to take him to all such events in the future? Will problems arise if people from the same social circle find her with two different men?
Step 4. Decide how to maintain your social media profiles
Even if you don't mention either relationship on the internet, the chance of being “connected” to one of your boyfriends through your friends' profiles will be great. If one partner knows about the other, fewer problems will arise, but you still need to be aware that there can be jealousy if either partner feels that you spend more time with the other. If the relationship is “exclusive”, the situation will be much more complicated.
- Get ready for the possibility that one of the lovers will share the new relationship on social media. If they don't feel they are sharing time and affection with you, how do you deal with this problem?
- Increase the privacy protection of your profiles by preventing third-party connections from being able to access information posted by friends in other social circles.
Step 5. Take time for yourself
A serious relationship will likely occupy your entire “schedule”; two relationships will make you have no time for anything, especially if each boyfriend believes he is “exclusive”. Analyze which activities you find most relaxing, dedicating a little time a day or week to do them.
Part 4 of 4: Protecting Yourself and Your Boyfriends
Step 1. Use proper protection if you have sexual intercourse
Even if you only have relationships with one of the boyfriends, it is always necessary to be protected, since in the heat of the moment, temptation can lead to “hotter” situations with both.
- Remember that not all contraceptives prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). The least you can do is keep yourself and both boyfriends healthy without risking infection. They should always use condoms.
- To ensure that you are in good health, schedule tests to detect STDs regularly.
Step 2. Know when to count
Never jeopardize the physical health of your partners. When you find out you've contracted a sexually transmitted disease, both of you will need to know, even if it means telling them that you have another boyfriend.
Step 3. Recognize that this secret-keeping behavior can also interfere with your mental health
The human brain is "made" to tell the truth. Secrets – especially those we consider negative – can interfere with the part of the brain that is in charge of sharing information. To bear this burden, the brain produces stress hormones, impacting memory, blood pressure, the gastrointestinal tract and metabolism.
- Think hard about your values, what you believe in, and your self-image. How would you describe your personal moral code? By answering this question, you will be better able to make decisions about your relationship with more than one person.
- Remember the "Golden Rule" and its "Silver Corollary": Treat others as you would like to be treated, and never do anything you would not want them to do to you. These axioms, found in Eastern and Western ethical traditions, these are good lines to guide you to make decisions you won't regret.