At one time or another, someone's actions can end up hurting. In case you have been hurt by a man, the best thing to do is to work hard to find a way to tell him how you feel. To do this, take time to reflect on what happened and decide how to express yourself. Then get ready for the conversation. Finally, put in place some strategies that will help you move forward and avoid getting hurt again in the future.
Method 1 of 3: Deciding How to Act
Step 1. Dedicate yourself to understanding your feelings
Before jumping into an argument, take a moment and think about the situation and your emotions. Has anything like this happened between you guys before? Is he not overreacting?
- Try recording everything in a journal or on a piece of paper. To do this, set the alarm for ten minutes and start writing down everything that comes to mind.
- It's important to calm down before taking action; but don't take too long, as the person responsible for hurting you may end up forgetting what he did.
Step 2. Listen to your feelings
If you're feeling devastated right now, take care of your pain first. So, calmer, you can talk better and with your head in the right place. Give yourself a little attention.
Take a relaxing bath, eat something nutritious, write in your journal, spend time with friends or just lie on the couch all night
Step 3. Get a second opinion
Once you get some breathing space, seek advice from some trusted friends or family. Tell them what happened and listen to what they have to say.
- How did they see what happened? Did they react the same way as you? They may or may not confirm your point of view.
- Ask for the opinion of people who are neither radically against nor in favor of the man in question.
Step 4. Expect a reaction according to his personality
Think about how he'll react when he hears you say you're hurt by him. Rely on past situations to try to predict how he will react.
For example, does he usually play the victim of circumstances and claim that he hasn't hurt her? Does he usually ask for forgiveness, but not sincerely? Enjoy everything you've already experienced, so as not to expect a reaction far removed from those you've witnessed
Step 5. Consider whether it's worth the effort
Compare what you hope to achieve through a conversation and what the outcome might actually be. Will your needs really be met by him? Is it worth it to expose your feelings only to have them ignored in the end?
Let the importance of the relationship decide whether or not it's worth the effort. If you've been hurt by your husband, boyfriend, friend or relative, it may even be possible to push the whole thing under the rug. However, whether it is a casual romance or just an acquaintance, choose to simply walk away
Method 2 of 3: Chatting
Step 1. Make a list
List all the points you want to make during the conversation. Don't forget to cite how you were hurt and add examples. In the heat of an argument, with your nerves on edge, it's easy to end up forgetting what needs to be said or even losing the conversation. So make this list a priority.
Step 2. Train in advance
In other words: rehearse. Write everything down and then repeat in front of a mirror. If possible, ask someone who has been supporting you for help – they can rehearse possible conversations with you.
Step 3. Be honest and get to the point
When confronting him, try to be objective and always honest. Don't try to slow down what he's done or lessen what he felt. It's also very important not to wander around before getting into the subject.
For example, say something like this: “I was so hurt that you forgot my birthday was last week. I felt despised and worthless to you.”
Step 4. Keep the tone smooth and steady
Try not to appear dramatic and overly emotional. Otherwise, it will be difficult to take what you have to say seriously. Keep calm so that the conversation will flow more easily.
Step 5. Use first person sentences
In order to have any success, it will be necessary to avoid making him defensive. Try to measure your words well without spoiling the content of what you are trying to say or reprimanding the man. For this, the sentences starting in “I” can help a lot.
- Phrases like this can help you fully embrace what you feel: "I was so hurt that you forgot my birthday last week."
- Second-person phrases, however, can make the other feel attacked, see: “You don't care about me! You forgot my birthday!”.
Step 6. Use specific examples
Don't generalize when trying to explain his attitudes. It's very difficult to understand very large scenarios, especially when you feel attacked. Therefore, prefer very specific examples and scenarios.
Don't use phrases like, "You always throw the toughest problems at me." Prefer something like: "I was really upset this morning because you left me looking after Junior alone - just like last week."
Step 7. Give him a chance to respond
Once you're done expressing yourself, give him the opportunity to express himself too. Let him explain his point of view completely, even if it doesn't agree with yours.
- Practice actively listening to each other. Strive to clearly understand what he is talking about. What he says can help you make a safe decision on what to do.
- For example, he may ask for forgiveness and ask what to do to correct certain behavior in the future. On the other hand, he may turn to defense, blaming stress and lack of time for forgetting his birthday.
Step 8. Ask him to fix your mistakes
When you decide to go ahead with the relationship, let him know you want to see change. Tell him in detail how to resolve the issues so they can move forward.
- For example: "The commemorative dates are very important to me, so I hope that from now on you will write them down on your calendars so you won't forget them anymore."
- Telling him clearly what to do will do much more than just complaining about his feelings.
Method 3 of 3: Moving Forward
Step 1. Recognize what your role was in the situation
A good way to face negative situations is to try to figure out what to change about yourself to prevent them in the future. Go back in time and think if there was something you could have done to slow down what happened.
- For example, if you are hurt because your partner never told you that he was in another relationship, this could have been avoided if you had asked instead of just assuming not (especially since open relationships are in vogue).
- In the future, always ask your partners: "Are you single?" or "Is there anyone else I don't know?"
Step 2. Set limits.
Every relationship brings hurt feelings. However, it is possible to reduce pain, establishing healthy limits of coexistence. Boundaries serve to make clear what you are and are not willing to accept from others.
Make a list of limits and share it with people you care about
Step 3. Stand up for what you believe without feeling guilty
Refuse to apologize or feel bad about setting your boundaries. Some people will be offended when accused of violating your space or hurting you.
Don't feel intimidated or guilty if this happens. Always defend your convictions
Step 4. Forget who doesn't respect you
If the man refuses to admit that he has hurt you, the best thing to do is keep your distance from him. Clearly explain that he will no longer be welcome in your life if he continues to disrespect your boundaries.
- It can be difficult to do something like this, but stand firm for your rights.
- Talk to a psychologist if you are unable to distance yourself from someone who does not respect you.