If you're in a long-term relationship, it's quite possible that from time to time you feel tired, stressed, or too distracted to appreciate your partner or the relationship. When that happens, it's good to take some time to think about how to rekindle the flame of passion. Try to remember the reasons you love your spouse to recapture that romantic fun you had at the beginning of the relationship. Reconnecting with each other is important to both of you!
Part 1 of 4: Making Small Gestures with Big Impact
Step 1. Laugh together
Laughter is quite contagious and can make us feel relaxed and at ease. Having a good sense of humor can ease relationship pressure, helping you to deal with the ups and downs of life as a couple. Find things you and your partner will find funny.
- Remember things that have made you laugh in the past, and share them with your spouse when you get home from work.
- Find a humorous TV show that you both like and arrange to watch it together weekly.
Step 2. Demonstrate that you are present
Even if you don't have a lot of time to talk, it's critical to keep in touch with each other. Remind the person how much you love them and are there for what they need. Sending messages to demonstrate your level of interest in the relationship also reinforces intimacy. Some things you should never stop saying:
- "I love you."
- "I admire you."
- "I am feeling homesick."
- "Sorry if things are going bad today. Can I help in any way?"
- "Can't wait to see you later."
- "I don't like seeing you like this. Can I do something?"
Step 3. Come up with new ideas for your meetings
In a long-term relationship, it's necessary to get away from the basics of movies and dinner to keep the magic of the relationship alive. If you're out for dinner, try new restaurants and get a little better every now and then. Some good ideas:
- Go out dancing.
- Have a party at home.
- Go to the beach for the weekend.
- Try ice skating.
- Visit hot springs.
- Look for a karaoke restaurant.
- Take a cooking course together.
Step 4. Make small gestures
Leaving affectionate notes, taking out the trash or cooking for another when he is tired are small things that show your affection and investment in the relationship. The gestures usually depend a lot on the couple's relationship, as each couple will like different things. The important thing is to be honest!
- For example, if you both like to watch movies, plan a special night out for both of you, with an interesting movie and some popcorn.
- Surprise your partner with a simple gift from the heart.
Part 2 of 4: Getting back together
Step 1. Have heartfelt, in-depth conversations
In the beginning of the relationship, it is normal to spend the night with intimate and long conversations, but this ends up being lost over time, especially when the arguments turn to children, finances and household chores. Still, it's important to take the time to honestly discuss the things that move you both!
- A good idea is to create a book club just for the two of you.
- Learn something new about each other. Ask open-ended questions to generate new conversations, such as "How was high school for you?" or "What was it like moving here as a kid?" Listen to the answers well and turn them into deeper conversations.
- Don't criticize your partner for lack of communication. Choose positive behaviors, such as urging him to talk about the day when they're eating or drinking coffee: "I'd like to know more about your day. Let's go out for coffee and talk?"
Step 2. Praise the other
It is very common for couples to forget to do and say nice things to each other as time goes on. Praising your partner will demonstrate that you still care about him and the relationship.
- Be very specific. Instead of "You look beautiful today," say something like "I like the way your body looks in this dress" or "This shirt makes you feel good."
- Instead of "You're so smart," choose "I admire your brains and your willingness to have deep discussions."
Step 3. Focus on what you have together
It's very easy to focus on the negatives of the relationship, but highlighting the positives will help the relationship move on more strongly. It's even more important to focus on the reasons you fell in love early on in the relationship.
- For example, the relationship may have started out of a mutual interest in racing or a desire to help others.
- Make a list of all the things that made you fall in love and ask your partner to do the same. Then switch lists and reconnect by reliving the beginning of the relationship.
Step 4. Practice physical contact daily
Touching skin to skin releases a hormone called oxytocin, which increases the feeling of intimacy. Contact should not only be used as foreplay to sex! It's important to kiss and hug in relaxed moments without ulterior motives. Massage each other after a long, tiring day!
Hold hands and hold each other for long periods, especially if either of you needs to de-stress
Step 5. Make small changes to give your sex life a boost
If you live together, make a clean sweep of the room, removing children's toys, documents and bedding and furniture. Buy some candles, new sheets and do whatever it takes to transform your room into an intimate setting.
It's a good idea to leave your television, computer, and cell phones out of your room. Try to create a feeling of intimacy in the environment, without technologies
Step 6. Send a sexy text message
Talk about how excited you are to see your partner at the end of the day and how well you still remember their last night together. If you're up for it, send a provocative photo!
Obviously, only send things that you feel comfortable with. Don't feel pressured to send anything
Part 3 of 4: Fixing Long-Term Issues
Step 1. Build your confidence
Low self-esteem can manifest itself as a feeling of disability or that things are only going to get worse. These thoughts end up sabotaging the relationship and can become a reality if you give them a voice. Choose to reinforce your confidence in yourself and in the relationship.
- If you've been hurt in the past, recover from your injuries. You are worthy to give and receive love.
- Instead of avoiding sexual intimacy because of unhappiness with your body, accept yourself as you are. If you choose to make changes, such as losing weight, be aware that being at your ideal weight will not always solve your insecurity. Feeling comfortable with yourself is entirely up to you.
Step 2. Practice forgiveness
Anger is the worst thing for a relationship, so if you and your partner have an unresolved issue, it's time to forgive each other and move on. Talk openly about the problem and try to put it in the past. If you've tried this in the past without success, it's a good idea to see a couples therapist.
There is nothing wrong with having therapy. This is a very useful way to reconnect again in the relationship
Step 3. Spend time away from each other
Just because they're committed doesn't mean you have to spend every second together. In fact, time away will improve the relationship and allow you to de-stress, reconnect with friends and relax. Set a specific time to spend together and apart, such as one night a week or one weekend a month. Obviously, the choice must be made by mutual agreement.
- It's always nice to have a "girls" or "boys" night once in a while.
- Getting away from each other usually rekindles the flame of passion, creating anxiety to return.
- Don't give up your hobbies for the sake of the relationship. Keep painting, dancing or going to the gym, even if your partner doesn't participate in the activities.
Step 4. Do something together
A trip usually brings couples together, especially when the focus is on the other and the relationship, as it allows you to stop thinking about the stresses of everyday life. Take the trip of your dreams or simply spend a good weekend in a nearby town or on the coast. Make a list of all the places you would like to visit and choose a good option for both of you. Walk daily towards your ultimate goal of creating new memories together. Take lots of pictures to remember the trip in the future!
- You can simply camp in the woods or rent a room in a luxury hotel. International travel is good options too, depending on the case!
- If you have children, try to make at least one trip a year without the offspring present.
Part 4 of 4: Keeping the love
Step 1. Be a good listener
Strive to listen carefully to your partner. Join the conversation by asking open-ended questions and reflecting on the answers. Allow the other to do the same.
Practice reflective listening by saying things like "As I understand it, the situation with your parents is difficult" or "You seem to be pretty stressed out at work."
Step 2. Put the stress in check
Work, family, and other problems end up taking up our time and affecting our love relationships. As much as stress is a part of life, when the problem becomes chronic, it releases cortisol into our system, a hormone that reduces the desire for physical intimacy. In the long run, this can end the relationship. If possible, take the stress out of your life by exercising, doing yoga and meditating, as well as getting rid of unnecessary things and worries. Encourage your partner to do the same.
- Manage your time well to avoid the stress caused by tight deadlines. Take care of tasks as they arise, preventing things from piling up. Keeping a schedule is often a good option.
- Spend more time doing things you enjoy. Life can't be all about work, so try to devote at least one day a week to doing something you love.
Step 3. Create a long project together
Find something that will interest both of you and work towards it. Having a long-term goal ensures that you'll spend time together during the week, lightening up the family routine a bit. Some interesting projects:
- Train for a marathon.
- Learn a new language and visit a country where it is spoken.
- Build something, like a garden or furniture.
Step 4. Try something new to increase intimacy
Choose a different activity for both of you. If possible, look for something that's mildly scary, as sharing a new and frightening experience will bring you together beyond belief. Also, you will have a lot to tell your friends in the future.
- Try climbing, parachuting or paragliding.
- Make a backpack.
- Take a cooking class from a different kitchen.
Step 5. Go beyond the relationship
Being in a long-term relationship can make you see only your life as a couple as your future, but you need to get out of that mindset a bit. Try to expand your horizons and connect with your partner through these experiences.
- Try to do some spiritual activity together. If you share a spiritual belief, why not visit church or temple together? If not, try to explore your beliefs together to rekindle the relationship's flame.
- Try volunteer work. Volunteering with your partner can help take your mind off the relationship and strengthen your relationship by helping others. Homeless and animal shelters are good options.
- Work together on a charity fundraiser. It's good to shift your focus a bit, working to help charities, whether it's on a telethon or a marathon.