So you got married and pledged loyalty. Every promise you've made to your wife really means something, so it's important to keep your word. Fortunately, being a good husband is not impossible: it's about following your heart and conscience and acting out of your love for your wife. These simple steps, if taken seriously, can lead you and your other half to a happier future.
Part 1 of 3: Be a man of principle
Step 1. Be a gentleman if she will allow it
Most women (not all) find a gentleman gentle and charming. If your wife thinks this way, be ready to act like one:
- kiss her when you arrive and when you leave
- Carry the heavy bags for her.
- Open the door for her.
- Pay for meetings.
Of course there's a chance she doesn't want you to treat her in a gentlemanly way. If so, don't know that it's nothing personal. Keep being sweet to her even if you don't treat her in a special way
Step 2. Respect her
Respect is an act of understanding. It's your understanding that your wife is an independent and different person and that maybe she doesn't want the same thing as you, even though your interests are usually aligned. Here are four examples of how you can show respect for your wife:
- Keep your promises. I do what you said I was going to do. If you said you were going to wash the dishes, stop complaining and making excuses for her to take responsibility.
- Be punctual. If you said you were going to be in a place at a certain time – let's say, to pick up your child from school – be punctual! Your wife's time is as valuable as yours. Respect him.
- Stop assuming. Don't assume she's going to do something because she's your wife or a woman. Have good communication with her instead. Learn to ask for a favor.
- Listen to what she has to say. Don't pretend you're listening – actually listen. Sometimes the only thing she wants is a good listener or a friendly shoulder. Let her talk and concentrate on what she is talking about.
Step 3. Never lie
Get into the habit of telling the truth. Ask yourself how you would feel if you found out your wife was keeping something from you (except a surprise birthday). Always say where you are going if she asks. Say who you are with. Say what your reasons are even if they seem silly. Being an open person and always speaking the truth establishes great verbal communication, which is essential for having a great relationship.
Step 4. Never cheat
Needless to say, it's worth mentioning. Cheating is a form of lying. You wouldn't accept it if your wife had an affair, so why can you? If you are having an affair, look at your life and ask yourself why you are married to the person you married.
- If you love your wife but are attracted to someone else, notice how unfair that situation is. You want to take care of your wife, but you are not willing to give her exclusivity and be honest with her. This is, to say the least, selfish behavior.
- If you don't love your wife anymore, then why are you still married to her? The two of you would probably be happier if you had the opportunity to meet someone you really love or someone who loves you back. Think about it.
Step 5. Minimize laziness
Laziness is unattractive to women and it's a bad habit too. Watching football on Sunday is not necessarily lazy. Laziness is not doing something you know you “should” do but don't. So take out the trash, surprise her once a week with housecleaning, or exercise to show that you value yourself. That makes a big difference.
Step 6. Try not to be selfish
We can debate for hours about the selfishness of human beings, but one thing is certain: despite being selfish, we have the capacity to be selfless. Love must inspire this altruism. Rather than always asking what you can do for yourself, ask what you can do for your wife or for the good of your marriage.
- Minimize your jealousy. You might feel jealous from time to time, fine, but as long as you don't let it affect your wife's happiness (it's probably a good sign to be jealous). This is because jealousy can be selfish. Never let your wife stop doing something because you are jealous.
- Agree. Learn to hit the middle ground. Usually, what you want and what your wife wants are completely different things. In this case adjust your expectations. Don't always expect things to be totally your way and that you will always “win” the argument.
Step 7. Never raise your voice, scream or physically abuse it
Your wife trusts you to take care of her well-being and safety. Don't set a bad example and let your emotions take over your reason.
- Control your tone, if possible, during a discussion:
- Don't make ad hominem arguments, that is, personal attacks. See below ways not healthy to have a discussion:
- Never hit, detain or threaten your wife with violence. Don't try to use your physical size to an advantage over her. She can report you.
“I'm worried we're not sticking to our budget. I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just looking at our long-term happiness and I'd like to discuss with you ways we can change and reduce our spending. "
"Oh yeah? Do you really want our kids to go to a good school? So why don't you talk to your ex-boyfriend, the headmaster? You seem to have a great relationship with him!"
Part 2 of 3: Showing Affection
Step 1. Find little ways to make her feel good
It's funny because, usually, the little things end up nurturing a relationship. Ask yourself, "What can I do to make my wife happier?" It doesn't have to be something big to be effective. It is the thought behind and the emotion of the act itself that is the real gift:
- Strive to have a better relationship with your father-in-law and mother-in-law. Few things are more important than having a good relationship with her parents. You probably don't meet them every day, but that doesn't detract from this goal: deep down, she wants to want you to love them as if they were your parents.
- Does your wife care about philanthropy? Donate to the cause she believes in or volunteer with the charity she helps.
- Do things around the house that she doesn't normally enjoy. If your wife hates washing the dishes, for example, give her a week off from this chore.
Step 2. Be Open
It may sound strange, but being open with your wife is, yes, a sign of affection: it shows that you trust her and, more importantly, that you enjoy this emotional intimacy with her. Women are especially attuned to their emotions; men usually don't. Keeping yourself open will give her the assurance that you are making this effort for her.
Step 3. Show that you love her
Why did you marry her anyway? Tell her why you love her and how she makes you happy on a daily basis. Do this often. This will become a good habit as it promotes love and affection in your marriage and reduces your stress level.
- Write her a small letter in your own handwriting. Put it under her pillow; as you give her a kiss before you leave for work, tell her to look under her pillow. The note might say something like, "Every day by your side makes me realize how lucky I am. I love you."
- Reach up behind her and give her a heartfelt kiss on the neck as you hug her. It will make her heart melt.
- Make your own romantic fortune cookie. Find a way to put a note inside a fortune cookie and give it to break. Write something like: "Only you can make my heart break…"
Step 4. Be supportive
Support her when she is involved with something. Whether she wants to learn ballroom dancing or when she wants to go out with her friends, your support makes her feel safe and lets her take calculated risks. When something goes wrong, she knows she can count on you to be her safe haven.
When your wife is sad, find a way to cheer her up. Bring her coffee in bed, give her a foot massage or rent her favorite movie. Again, little things can mean a lot
Step 5. Awaken the romantic man within you
It may not be the first thing you think about when you wake up, but romance is essential in a healthy marriage. Don't think just because you got married that you don't need to be romantic with your wife anymore. Not only is this thinking wrong – what if your wife thought that just because she got married she doesn't need to worry about her weight anymore? – but it takes away some of the shine from the wedding. So be a man and be romantic.
- Go out on romantic dates at least once a month. Some couples manage to go out together every week, but once a month is enough. Plan a date that reminds you of an important date or plan something that will make your heart and hers beat faster: parachute jumping, go whale watching, etc…
- Celebrate your wedding anniversary. This date is very important for your wife and it should be for you too. It has a symbolic meaning as it is an opportunity to renew your love. Forgetting this date is unforgivable. At least go out to dinner and toast with a wine.
- Keep the relationship in bed open. Don't let things get cold in this sense or neglect to value them. Try to pleasure your wife as she does for you, exploring the sexuality of both of you.
Part 3 of 3: Adding It All Up
Step 1. Trust her completely
Many of the things mentioned here have to do with trust. If you don't trust your partner, you probably have a bad relationship. Learn to trust your wife the way she trusts you.
Step 2. Reveal your personality
Marriage gives you the opportunity to get to know someone better each year. If you keep any aspect of your personality hidden, you probably won't get what you expect from a wedding. You reap what you sow.
Have long conversations; make her laugh; share interests, hobbies and occupations; take her to a place that has personal meaning to you; motivate her to meet your entire family (and get to know hers too); talk about different things; share fears, doubts and vulnerabilities; be who you are and not who you think she wants you to be
Step 3. Remember the golden rule
The golden rule is not only important to your idea of morality, it also helps during turbulent times in marriage. The rule of another is to treat others as you would like to be treated. That is, put yourself in the other's shoes before acting.
Of course, you need to adopt the correct perspective when following this rule, and you shouldn't lie to yourself about what the other person wants. If you're not sure about something, ask yourself, "What would I do if I were in my wife's shoes?" This is usually a great exercise
Step 4. If you are religious, share your religion with your wife
Use your faith to strengthen yourself and seek with your partner a meaning to your journey. Give yourself to your wife as much as you give yourself to your God. Keep your values always.
Step 5. Take care of your appearance
Have good hygiene, present yourself well – at home and away – and make sure you are as clean as your wife. If you care about what your wife wears and how often she brushes her teeth, then surely she cares about the same things about you. It must be like that between two people who love each other, isn't it?
- Be romantic – buy her a gift every now and then when you think she deserves it, but nothing too much as you don't want to get her used to it.
- Show how affectionate you are in front of her friends. For ex: tell her how beautiful she is.
- Help her family with whatever they need (shopping, house concerts, etc.)
- Trust her!
- Spend time and effort on it.
- Listen to what she has to say and use it as a constructive, not a sermon.