Who doesn't want to be a hit with women? Those men who apparently manage to attract all women without having to lift a finger are some of the most envied people in the world. Some men are born with this gift, but fortunately it is also possible to practice the art of flirting and become even better. If you're as charming as a platypus, don't despair. With a few simple tricks and a lot of practice, you can become successful with women. Read the steps below to learn how to get started!
Method 1 of 3: Being flirtatious
Step 1. Be playful
Experts agree: for many women, one of the most attractive traits in a man is his sense of humor. It's not hard to see why - talking to playful people who are amused by the teasing comments of a good-natured conversation is a lot more fun than talking to serious but uninteresting people. Try to maintain a sense of malice when talking to women. Look for opportunities to make jokes, tease them a little, and pretend you misunderstood what they said. If they are willing to have a sarcastic and provocative conversation, this can be absolutely irresistible.
For example, let's say you're talking to an attractive girl at a party. If she says she lives in another city and is going home soon, you can try saying something like, "Gee, are you tired of us already?" with a smile on your face. When she starts to deny it, pretend to be exaggeratedly offended, always smiling to make your sarcasm clear. Many women respond very well to this kind of playful, gentle teasing (which some call "flirting")
Step 2. Don't strive to be in control of the situation
Most often, conquerors have dominant personalities and know how to control (or "operate") social situations to their advantage. The most flirtatious men know how to steer a conversation in the desired direction without the appearance of any effort.
- This effortlessness is the key - a person who insists on dominating a social interaction but is visibly agitated can send out confusing and awkward signals. Think about it: if you were talking to someone who was obviously trying to seduce you and obviously nervous about the situation, would you be attracted? Probably not.
- Don't waste your time with the guides written by "pickup artists" (PUAs), who advise you to follow carefully planned routines, with insults disguised as praise and psychological tricks to attract women. Remember, you would basically be following a script every time you spoke to a woman, you wouldn't really be in control of the situation without making any effort, would you?
Step 3. Keep your reactions discreet
We've all seen it on television and in the movies - the quiet but attractive bad boy who says next to nothing but seems to get all the girls without even trying (eg, "The name is Bond. James Bond"). While popular entertainment can sometimes create some unhealthy attitudes toward relationships, there's a little seed of truth here. Being nice and discreet can make a man more attractive to women. Try to react to almost everything that happens around you casually, as if it were completely natural. Being at ease, no matter what, is an immense display of self-confidence, and self-confidence is almost always charming.
- To be clear, this does not mean that you should remain silent at all times. This means that if you see an opportunity to play shy and bring a little mystery out of a conversation, you should seize it and see what happens. For example, if a charming woman casually asks where you live, you might respond with, "Oh, why? Are you planning on stopping by later?" It's a bit cheesy, but with an answer like that you won't be revealing anything about yourself and at the same time you'll be making a playful comment to your female companion.
- It is very important that you have discreet reactions to being rejected. If you are trying to start conversations with different groups of girls at a party, there is a chance that some (or even all) of them are not interested in talking to you. There is nothing wrong with that. React to each rejection the same way you would react if someone said your shoes are untied.
Step 4. Start showing signs of affection casually, but never seem desperate
Let's face it: if you're trying to be a charmer, you probably have plans to initiate a mutual affection exchange with someone, like kissing, getting laid, or just holding hands (everyone starts from somewhere). That's great - healthy mutual displays of affection are admirable things. Keep this in mind when you're with a girl and want to be affectionate; true beaus are not afraid or ashamed to make their intentions clear. However, they do not appear to be too needy or desperate either. Despair is not only extremely uninteresting to most people, it also demonstrates low self-esteem (and philanderers always have high self-esteem).
- For example, let's say you've just had a great first date with a wonderful woman and you're leaving the restaurant together. If you feel a strong pull and want to hold her hand, casually take her as you walk among several people, as if this were a perfectly natural thing to do. Don't make a big deal out of it - hold her hand as if you weren't even thinking about the consequences of this act. If she feels uncomfortable or loosens her hand, you can easily follow her lead and let her go without creating an uncomfortable situation, but if she reacts well, hold on tight!
real flirtatious guys aren't weird or scary. Being casually affectionate is one thing, harassing a woman or disrespecting her personal space is another, so keep your hands under control or you could end up sporting a slap in the face for the next few days.
Step 5. Don't place any expectations on your social interactions
Genuine beaus like what they do. They like to be playful and have intriguing conversations with women, they're not just doing it to get what they want. Any kind of successful romance or dating is an indirect result of them doing what they love, it is not something they strive and "struggle" to achieve. When you're talking to a woman you find attractive, don't have an ultimate goal in mind. Just speak and act naturally. If the conversation naturally ends in romance, fine. If it doesn't, the important thing is that you had fun!
That's one of the reasons you should steer clear of these "Pick Up Artist" style seduction guides. These guides are written with a single goal in mind (sex, of course), and while their scripts may or may not work within some small group of women, they will never provide the genuine happiness that comes from a natural, relaxed interaction with another human being
Step 6. Be funny
Everyone likes a good laugh. Humor makes everyone feel good, so if you can earn a reputation as a funny person, other people (including women) will naturally enjoy being around you. Try to look for opportunities to make fun of the situation you find yourself in or to mock (gently) the people around you. Most people have a natural ability to be funny when they are relaxed and surrounded by loved ones, but if you feel that you have a hard time being funny, it might be helpful to research the topic (our guide to being funny is a good place to go to start).
Beware of self-deprecating humor. While some exceptional individuals manage to be seductive while making fun of themselves (like the male characters in the Woody Allen movies), this is a risky move for ordinary people who may unwittingly end up looking insecure when using this type of approach
Method 2 of 3: Being cool and self-confident
Step 1. Pretend until you get it
When you're very nervous in a complicated social situation, it can be hard to remember that everyone around you doesn't know you're nervous unless you show it or say out loud how you're feeling. This means that if you have the right attitude and know how to control your behavior properly, they will never need to know that you are nervous! Generally, acting confident is all it takes to make people think you really are confident. Best of all, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy: usually acting confidently helps you feel more confident, making it easier to appear confident, and so on.
For starters, try to act as if everything you do is natural. Don't hesitate about any decision and don't be nervous about doing small and unimportant things. For example, if you are at a party and you want to invite someone to dance, don't dwell on the subject, go there and invite! Go directly to the girl you want to invite and say, "Hi, do you want to dance?" That's all you need to do
Step 2. Use effective body language
Always remember: play the role, be the role! If you can convey confidence and confidence, then you can be confident too, because other people won't be able to tell the difference. If you are naturally shy or introverted and are trying to be a flirtatious, using confident and dominant (but relaxed) body language can immediately improve your chances with women. Below are some tips for beginners:
- Stand with your shoulders slightly back. This will make you look bigger, puff out your chest, and generally bring out any muscles in your body.
- Keep your head up. Keeping your head up makes you appear proud, confident, and unafraid of your surroundings. However, don't hold your head high when talking directly to someone shorter than you - this can make you look snobby or condescending.
- Don't be afraid to take up your space. Confident people are not afraid to have a relaxed, comfortable posture. If you're sitting, don't be afraid to lean back and move your legs a little apart. If you're standing and surrounded by other people in a crowded space, don't get cornered if you accidentally bump into someone.
- Don't cross your arms. This makes you look closed and inaccessible.
- Do not stare at the phone. This makes you look busy and preoccupied, discouraging people who want to start talking.
Step 3. Make proper eye contact
Confident people are not afraid to look other people in the eye (especially if these people are attractive and interesting women). There is a reason that looking someone in the eye is traditionally seen as a sign of honesty. Doing so gives the impression that you are receptive, considerate, and not intimidated. On the other hand, avoiding looking someone in the eye can make you look embarrassed, nervous, or hiding something even if you aren't. When talking to other people, try to look them in the eye most of the time, or use a few seconds of constant eye contact to spark the interest of someone across the room.
Don't face women. Too much eye contact can definitely be a bad thing! If you're talking to a woman, feel free to maintain constant eye contact, but if you're not, looking into her eyes for more than a few seconds at a time can make her seriously uncomfortable
Step 4. Relax
Quick, what's the hardest thing to do when you're struggling to do? If you answered "relax", that's right. Deliberately trying to relax is like trying to swim in quicksand - the more you try, the less progress you make. Unfortunately, if you are stressing yourself out with difficult social situations, there is no single "right" formula for getting to the point where you can relax in these types of situations. Everyone relaxes in different ways. However, many people are successful in trying one of the more common relaxation methods listed below:
- Mentally minimize the importance of the situation or make fun of it.
- Practice physical activities.
- Get plenty of sleep.
- Practice deep breathing exercises.
Step 5. Get out and live life
Imagine this situation: You're talking to an attractive woman and you're playing the private game (as any philanderer should do), hiding just enough information about yourself to intrigue her. Let's say things went well and you made a date for next weekend - when you eventually start talking about yourself, would you rather present yourself as someone complex and interesting or someone with no dreams or ambitions, who passes the days watching television and surfing the internet? The answer should be obvious. Real conquerors have an interesting life behind the aura of mystery. They devote time to their passions and are always trying new things. Making the effort to get out and experience the world will not only make you look more interesting, it will also give you the confidence that only a life rich in experiences can give.
If you are looking for new hobbies, start with something that you find naturally interesting and enjoyable and try to become really good at it. Do you like working with your hands? Start making your own furniture. Like music? Buy a cheap instrument at a secondhand store and start practicing. Are you passionate about video games? Even this can be a source of interesting experiences if, for example, you participate in online tournaments or create a YouTube gaming channel
Method 3 of 3: Keeping Your Charm Unique
Step 1. Don't be ashamed of your interests
Ask the average person what a "flattery guy" is in their opinion and you'll probably get an answer like this: "He's very handsome, nice, confident, well dressed, and has lots of interesting hobbies." While the first four items on this list are certainly a big help when it comes to flirting, the last one isn't as essential as it might seem. Don't feel the need to hide or lie about the things you like to do. If you're a geek, be a hard-faced geek. If you like to do something really weird, like watching cheesy and romantic French movies from the silent film era, don't hide that fact - liking something unique is really cool! Being 100% honest about how you like to spend your time makes you look unique and confident and sets you apart from everyone else around you.
Step 2. Look for women in the places you naturally go to
Clubs, bars and other traditional flirting spots are great for people who are doing what they love when the music is deafening and everyone around them is drunk. For everyone else, it can be much easier to meet people elsewhere. For starters, try meeting women at places and events you'd naturally like to attend. For example, if you like to exercise and be outdoors, try running in a popular park. With this approach, you will be more likely to find women who have things in common with you.
Step 3. Have your own style
We've all heard it before: "Be yourself and go far." This old advice is a bit cliché, but when it comes to flirting, it's true. Conquerors don't copy others when it comes to defining who they are - they do what they want to do and present themselves as they want, letting others judge them as they see fit. Having your unique personal style makes you a much more interesting and memorable person than trying to follow what someone else considers "nice", so being yourself is not only easier than being fashionable, it's also smarter. when trying to win over other people.
One way to immediately and visibly differentiate yourself from other people is to dress in a way that isn't 100% ordinary (although, of course, it shouldn't be completely absurd either). For example, you can buy your clothes at a thrift store or vintage store for a retro look, or you can even try knitting or sewing your own clothes and accessories
Step 4. Be open and sincere
When it comes to chasing a woman, honesty is the best policy. Most of the time, everyone (girls included) can distinguish a fake person from a sincere person, so trying to act like someone you're not or hiding your true feelings will only create mutual feelings of embarrassment. Also, most women think being honest is cute, so you have almost no reason not to be completely honest and open about your thoughts, opinions, and intentions. If you're honest, the worst thing that can happen is to miss the opportunity to date someone, but would you be completely happy with that person if you had to spend all your time lying about who you are? Probably not.
- For example, if there are certain things that you would never accept from someone you are dating, you should definitely be honest about those things with your partner (or potential partner). Think about it: would you rather spend a few weeks pretending to be someone who smokes, burps, and listens to Limp Bizkit all day, or would you politely end this relationship early on?
- However, note that there is such a thing as “talking too much”. Although you want to be honest about your thoughts and feelings, you probably don't want to make the situation uncomfortable by bringing up extremely personal information before getting to know that person more deeply.
Step 5. Love yourself before loving others
You can't love other people if you don't love yourself, so if you have a negative image of yourself, stay away from romance until you can accept yourself. Ideally, love relationships should be the icing on the cake of a satisfied, happy life-wonderful experiences, but ones you don't need to be happy. In part, conquerors are always at ease because they know that no matter what happens in their love lives, they can still be happy. Here are some things you will probably want to have in your life before you develop a happy foundation for the possibility of future relationships:
- A fair amount of personal independence (like being able to support yourself and spend your free time however you want).
- The opportunity (and motivation) to have hobbies and interests.
- Stable and satisfying friendships.
- A satisfactory level of professional or personal achievement.
- Try to be sensitive when she is talking about her past.
- Listening, trusting, and respecting are the three most important attributes you need to have to start relating to a woman.
- Make small gestures for her. Hold the door, offer to pay the bill, be polite, etc. Many women love this.
- Fun jokes or something that makes you laugh in a positive way are great icebreakers in those uncomfortable moments.
- Respect women.
- Never wear the same clothes for two days in a row. Girls will notice and find this unattractive.
- “You're fat”, “you're ugly” and other nasty comments are great ways to lose a woman. Insults are always a good way to lose a woman forever.
- Respect a woman's limits. Don't make her feel like she's your property and like she has to answer all the time.
- If you respect women, make a conscious effort to avoid swearing around them.
- Don't get involved with a girl who has a boyfriend!
- If you're the type of man who has a hard time acting like that and can't reinvent your look/personality that way, maybe being a flirtatious isn't right for you.
- Don't be snobby or cocky. Girls don't like that.