5 Ways to Be a Dominator

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5 Ways to Be a Dominator
5 Ways to Be a Dominator

A dominatrix, also called a dominatrix, is a woman who takes a leading role in a sensual or sexual relationship, and whose partner (the submissive) agrees to comply with all orders and desires. Play the dominator role by taking control of the sexual act, respecting the other person's boundaries, and trying new things. Always keep safety in mind and thoroughly discuss the wishes of both partners before starting BDSM (acronym for Bwave, Ddiscipline, Domination, ssubmission, sadism and Masochism).


Method 1 of 5: Understanding the Concepts of Consent and Security

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Step 1. Never simply assume that you have received your partner's consent

It must be freely given, and an intoxicated or unconscious person cannot consent, for example. Once in a while, it's always good to confirm that everything is fine. Of course, securing consent during a BDSM session can be a little tricky, so it's important that boundaries are set in advance.

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Step 2. Set boundaries before taking on the dominator role

Talk with your partner about which practices are definitely out of the question and which ones might or might not be prohibited, depending on a variety of factors such as pain, pressure, and psychological discomfort. A list that looks at what both of you want, what activities can be pursued, and which ones are completely prohibited can help you determine where the submissive's and the dominant's desires coincide. List what you both feel like doing, what you'll be willing to do, and what you absolutely won't do.

A "contract" can be a fun way to build the list. Although it has no legal value, the creation of the contract can start the scene with the submissive, setting the limits within the fantasy itself

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Step 3. Keep an open line of dialogue throughout the experiment

Paying attention to the submissive's body language is very important. While it is quite common to play the role of victim in BDSM practice, we can usually still tell the difference between enactment and withholding consent, especially when the other person is muzzled. Look into the submissive's eyes, notice if his body is tense or if he recoils or tries to pull away. These are signs that the person may not be enjoying the experience. Agree in advance if you want to integrate some of these things into the enactment.

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Step 4. Create words and gestures of safety and caution

To ensure consent throughout the scene, think of a word and a gesture of safety, as well as a word and a gesture of caution. Through the last two, the submissive will indicate that he is not sure or that something is wrong, while the first two will signal the definitive annulment of consent. Here are some tips for creating the safety and precaution words:

  • The safety and precaution words could be, respectively, "stop" and "slow", or "red" and "yellow".
  • The gesture will depend on a few factors, including what parts of the body the sub is able to move, whether or not his face is visible, etc. However, some simple safety and precautionary gestures include blinking your eyes or nodding your head.
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Step 5. Always have scissors around

Sometimes the ropes end up forming knots or moving to more dangerous places during the BDSM session, so it's critical to have a pair of scissors around when this material is on the scene. Even if you never need to use it, the presence of the tool will reassure your partner and help you enjoy the moment without having to worry about possible suffocation.

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Step 6. Keep some water nearby

As with any other intense exercise, staying hydrated is important in BDSM practice, especially when the dominator or sub is wearing heavy clothing or accessories (such as those made of leather). Water can also be part of the scene, as you can use it to tease your partner a little when he's thirsty.

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Step 7. Take a course

A course is a great way to become familiar with all the complex aspects of the dominatrix role. Since many BDSM accessories can cause real physical harm, a lesson on safe rope use or the role of the dominatrix can help you adopt safe practices during the scene. Look for a local school or sex shop that offers courses based on the concept of sexual positivism, with an emphasis on safety and consent.

Method 2 of 5: Manipulating Body Sensations

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Step 1. Purchase an impact sex toy

These accessories are used to strike the body, usually the buttocks, during BDSM sessions and include whips, canes and paddles. The type of toy will depend on your partner's comfort level, and the range of options is very wide, ranging from the traditional Indiana Jones-style whip to soft paddles.

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Step 2. Use a tickle accessory

While many people don't immediately think of tickling when they think of BDSM scenes, some instruments can be used to inflict uncomfortable tickling rather than pain. When slipped over erogenous zones such as the neck and nipples, these accessories can also be used to tease the submissive.

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Step 3. Use tweezers and nipple clamps

The tweezers can cause pain or pressure on the skin and are typically placed on the nipples. In beginners, the ideal is to set a limit of up to ten minutes for each use, as such accessories can interrupt blood circulation in the region.

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Step 4. Use dildos and butt plugs

Plugs and dildos are great options for all kinds of sex play, but can be particularly fun for BDSM players. When you decide to buy any of these accessories, make sure they are made of non-toxic materials and can be safely used in conjunction with a lubricant. A water-based lubricant can be applied to any toy or condom. Oil-based lubricants are not recommended for those who use condoms or any type of accessory made with latex, rubber or PVC. Finally, silicone lubricants cannot be used with silicone toys.

Plugs or vibrating dildos can add extra energy to the domination scene

Method 3 of 5: Using Bondage Techniques

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Step 1. Choose the right rope for you

There are several colors and materials available for bonding, and the different types of rope, made with materials ranging from nylon to silk, also provide different levels of comfort, safety, etc. Talk to a sex-shop salesperson if you're not sure what you want.

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Step 2. Use the ropes safely

They are dangerous tools in BDSM practice as they can cause nerve damage, suffocation and even death when used improperly. Never press the rope against another person's throat, for example. Here are other things to consider during the scene:

  • Never leave the sub unattended when he is tied up.
  • Avoid positions that make breathing difficult.
  • Make sure the rope is comfortable and allows blood circulation. There should be a minimum of one finger space between the rope and your partner's skin.
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Step 3. Add handcuffs to the BDSM scene

There are handcuffs for the wrists, legs, and even the genitals, and they are a quicker and more practical method of restricting a submissive's movements, and they can be safer, depending on the model. There are many varieties of handcuffs, from the softest ones, with Velcro fasteners, to the metal ones that can only be opened with a key. Again, talk to your partner to decide which option is best for you.

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Step 4. Choose a suitable gag for the submissive

There are a few different types of gags, so talk to your partner to decide which is the best option. A ball gag provides an intense feeling of vulnerability as it makes breathing a little difficult and forces the jaw to remain open in an unnatural way. The bat-shaped gag is a little more comfortable for the jaw and breathing. Regardless of which model you choose, combine a safety gesture or sign with the sub so he can communicate any genuine sense of insecurity.

Do not hold the gag for more than twenty minutes at a time, especially the first few times

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Step 5. Wear a collar

The collar can be a fun accessory that conveys a feeling of control to the dominator and submission to the dominated. For the game to be safe, do not pull the guide sharply. It's also important that the collar doesn't get too tight around the neck, so leave a two-finger space between the skin and the accessory.

Method 4 of 5: Creating the Climate

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Step 1. Choose a theme

Whether you're thinking about eighteenth-century aristocratic sex dungeons or a futuristic sex lair, one theme can make the fantasy that much more vivid. Although the couple does not need to change the entire room to suit the scene, some furniture and objects may create an environment more suited to the desired fantasy.

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Step 2. Wear clothes that define the dominator identity

They can include pieces of leather or brocade, a mask, cape, or any other accessory that adds a sense of power or mystery to the enactment. Clothes can match the theme of the room or costume, meaning you could dress like an 18th century vampire or a goth with a steampunk look. It will all depend on the fantasy and your identity as a dominatrix.

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Step 3. Choose clothes for the submissive

This step can be part of the scene, or the two of you can decide together, before you start BDSM practice. Your partner's clothes can include hoods, straitjackets and even chastity belts. Just remember to make sure he's comfortable with his choice of clothes and accessories before starting the domination scene.

Try using a blindfold. The dominatrix may be using this accessory to create a mood of suspense, preventing the sub from knowing what will happen next. The sale can be made of leather or silk, depending on the style of the couple, and there are several options available

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Step 4. Add some furniture to the dungeon

Sexually functional furniture, particularly those made especially for BDSM practice, can add an intriguing element to dominance sessions. From erotic swings to cages, there are many different types of furniture that can be used in your bedroom or dungeon. They can add a twist to the fantasy, or make it even more vivid.

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Step 5. Select songs for costume

It doesn't matter if you're in Bach's dark “Toccata e Fuga in D Minor” or you prefer “Mozart, l'opéra rock”, the music can add a layer of seduction, power or terror to the scene. Furthermore, she has the power to intensify emotions and sensuality during fantasy staging. However, avoid melodies that might distract you.

Method 5 of 5: Playing the dominator role

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Step 1. Determine when your partner is allowed to speak

You can do this instead of using the gag, or you can combine the two. In addition, allowing the submissive to speak after having been forced to remain silent for some time can bring pleasure to both partners.

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Step 2. Determine what the sub can say

Do this in-character (if you're enacting a fantasy), or use words the couple have previously agreed upon. One way or another, the control can make the scene more intense. For example, the dominatrix could say something like, "Say I'm your queen" or "Say exactly what you want now."

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Step 3. Tell him what to do

This is a traditional custom within domination scenes, but it can further intensify the power relationship. Having the submissive kiss you or touch you can help both partners gain new insights into their sexualities. For example, say, "Kiss me on the lips." The important thing here is to make sure the order doesn't make the other person genuinely uncomfortable. If she uses the safe word, stop the action or withdraw the order. Try offering an alternative to the submissive, for example: "Since you don't want to kiss my lips, can you kiss my cheek?"

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Step 4. Play fantasy roles

Acting can be a fun and creative way to add tension to a BDSM scene. For example, you could play any roles that have a power dynamic, like queen and commoner, boss and assistant, or whatever. Also, adding a costume to the costume can make it more real.

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Step 5. Implement punishments as part of the scene

Sometimes the dominatrix will punish the sub for some kind of infraction. Punishments should be discussed at length before the start of the domination session, especially when the couple is new to BDSM, and ideally punishments are fun for the submissive. For example, you could punish your partner with a crash toy, demand silence or a request for forgiveness. Regardless of the punishment chosen, it should never go beyond the dominated's comfort zone.


  • Meet more people who practice BDSM. Even a dominatrix needs a mentor. Ask someone you feel comfortable with to help you explore the BDSM scene and adopt safer and healthier practices.
  • Consult a sex therapist or couples counselor if you are experiencing sexual problems in your relationship.
  • Do a lot of research and take all necessary precautions when you want to do something potentially dangerous, such as hanging, bonding, or using gags. One wrong move is enough for the other person to get seriously injured! Talk to a professional before starting.

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