Sometimes finding love depends on luck. But you can also give it a little boost, working on some aspects of our lives, such as self-esteem, self-love and even our view of others and relationships. Resist the temptation to hand everything over to fate and take some actions that can help.
Part 1 of 2: Finding a potential soul mate
Step 1. Enjoy your singleness
Did you find it strange that we started with this tip? Know that to get along with someone, you must first be happy with yourself. The relationship tends to last longer when those involved are healthy, stable and confident. To find your soul mate, and for her to like you so much and vice versa, you need to work on your own personality. If you want some tips on how to spend time alone, try:
- Find a hobby;
- Value your friends and family;
- Chasing a stable and interesting career.
- Be strong and confident;
- Write a journal to stay focused and not forget all your progress.
Step 2. Cultivate interesting traits in yourself, too
Make a list of everything you are looking for in someone. For you, the most important thing might be a sense of humor, a nice smile, or maybe you're looking for someone who plays sports or loves to read. No matter what it is, think that you too can develop these traits. That way, it's easier to know if you really like it or if you've been wrong all along. In the end, you win anyway, even if you haven't found your soul mate, because at least you know yourself better.
Step 3. Keep an open mind
Studies show that most people cannot tell which traits they are attracted to. If you make a list of everything you're looking for in someone, chances are you'll end up with a totally different partner. Of course, you may have some parameters that you don't want to change, but trust your intuition more than pre-established ideas and lists of pros and cons. If you allow yourself, you might be surprised!
It is even more important to forget about prejudice. Never judge anyone based on skin color, religion, race or age. Get to know the person before deciding whether or not it's worth investing in a more serious relationship
Step 4. Stay away from compromised people
Met someone amazing, but who is dating? Resist the temptation! Most relationships that start with a betrayal usually don't last long, as they are not based on affection, but on needing and wanting what you can't have. Before taking any action, wait for the person to be single for some time to avoid disappointment, in case she decides to go back with the ex, for example.
Step 5. Expand your contacts
The more interesting friendships you have, the more cool people you can meet through them. Increase your chances by making new contacts and strengthening ties with people you already know. To meet people who have to do with you, bet on:
- Participate in discussion groups;
- Develop some hobby;
- Volunteering for some cause;
- Join a student club or organization;
- Cultivate your friendships by calling your friends to eat, go to parties and the like.
Step 6. Be nice
To make the other feel comfortable in your company, smile and laugh a lot. It is also interesting to keep an eye on body language, as it can end up giving the wrong image and pushing the person away, even if unintentionally. Flirting lightly, acting very outgoing and friendly, is a great way to find out if she's into you too.
Step 7. Say yes to blind dates
Your friends have a pretty good idea of who you are and what you like. If they come up with the idea of introducing you to someone, give them a vote of confidence. Of course, dates won't always work out, but it doesn't hurt to try. One way or another, it's a chance to meet new and interesting people.
Step 8. Know how people flirt
There are many different styles when it comes to flirting. But, in general, the ones that work are those who respect the other, are expressive, flattering and rely on friendly body language. People who are more closed, use teasing or self-deprecation at the time of conquest do not have such good results. If you want to learn how to hit on someone or know when they're flirting with you, watch out for these signs:
- Smiles and laughs;
- Excessive verbal or non-verbal confirmations;
- Always continue the conversation;
- Use of inviting body language (uncrossed arms and legs and palms up);
- Sharing of personal details;
- Visual contact;
- Too many questions.
Step 9. Be honest on social networking site profiles while keeping a tone of mystery
It's not impossible to find the love of your life in an app, although it's not the easiest way. According to users, the chances of getting along with someone increase when they are short and thick in their descriptions. Just don't put all your cards on the table: give space to get to know each other and let yourself be known by the other.
Step 10. Meet people in places surrounded by adrenaline
When our heart races or we are in extreme situations, the body releases hormones that, among other things, make us more likely to feel sexual attraction and develop feelings for someone. Use this to your advantage, looking to meet people at:
- High places;
- Horror movie sessions.
Step 11. Understand that there is no one person for each of us
If that were true, only one in ten thousand people would find their true love for a lifetime. In the real world, people start and end relationships all the time. Some are beautiful, others not so much. There's no need to obsess about finding a single person, your “half the orange”. What is right, in fact, is to strive to make your relationships the best they can be. The “soul mate” is not ready-made, but it is the result of a lot of effort, companionship and, of course, love.
Part 2 of 2: Turning a potential soul mate into a life partner
Step 1. Don't take the idea of “soul mates” too seriously
Generally, people think that when they find the right person, they will live in harmony, without any effort, until the end of their days. However, any strong and lasting relationship also has moments of conflict and disagreement. Studies show that couples tend to be more satisfied with their partners when they see love as a journey, full of ups and downs. You should therefore look for someone who is willing to grow with you.
Thinking of love as a matter of destiny is even worse in difficult times or in times of discussion. As long as it's all flowers, that won't be a problem
Step 2. Listen to your intuition
Studies show that instinctual reactions to other people are very effective in predicting the future of a relationship. When they say that the first impression is the last, believe me! If you think, at first, that the person has good energy and that the relationship has everything to work out, invest in it. But if so far it has only made you feel nervous, anxious and uncomfortable, even though everything seems to be conspiring in your favor, reconsider.
Step 3. Don't let your idea of perfection interfere with the relationship
Nobody will ever be perfect, so if you like the person a lot and think you can live with their flaws, give them a chance. Perfect love can happen between two imperfect people.
This advice does not apply to “flaws” that are actually signs of abusive and controlling behavior. If your partner insults, hurts, or isolates you from others, then you can't continue
Step 4. Form a true bond of friendship
When meeting a potential partner, it is very important that you build a sincere friendship. Do fun things together, talk about your goals, get to know each other's interests, and support each other in everything. Couples who see in their partners, more than anything, a friend, are happier, more successful and more passionate than others. Believe it or not, even sex is better in these cases!
Step 5. Strive for the relationship
Even if you've met the perfect person for you, you'll still have to break a sweat for things to work out. This means that, for sure, you will still have to deal with disagreements, annoying quirks and the mistakes of the other. One of the most important things to keep your life together healthy are:
- Listen to what your partner has to say;
- Forgive silly mistakes;
- Support his hobbies and interests;
- Avoid getting involved with other people (if they are in a monogamous relationship);
- Always try to show gratitude to him.
Step 6. Make appointments with other couples
They're great for keeping your relationship healthy and happy, even more so if you feel comfortable talking about more personal things. Invite a couple of close friends over for dinner or something else to further strengthen your friendship and relationship, too!
Step 7. Bet on petting after sex
Couples who invest in quality time are much more likely to succeed. If you think you've found the right person, then show it, not skimping on affection and sincere conversations after a hot night. This helps a lot to strengthen the bonds, making this connection even stronger and longer lasting.
Step 8. Don't forget your life goals
Soul mates must help each other to grow and for that to happen, you must not give up your dreams. Think about everything you want to achieve and consider whether your possible better half has a place in those plans. In some cases, love alone is not enough to sustain the relationship: you need to have values and ambitions that can coexist. Ask yourself:
- How important is career in my life? Would my partner support me in it?
- Do I ever want to have kids? And my partner?
- Where do I see myself in five years? Or ten? Or twenty? Will he still be on my side?
- Do we like to live in the same types of city, state or country? If your partner can't stand living in metropolises, but you don't see yourself leading a quiet life, for example, it's good to rethink things.
Step 9. As the saying goes, “repeated sticker doesn't complete album”
The idea of getting back together with someone is tempting for the combination of familiarity and emotion it brings with it. But, this is very linked to the fact that, when we end a relationship, we feel nostalgic and we end up remembering only the positive side of it and, if it ended, it wasn't for nothing! Studies are there to prove this thesis, showing that these “accordion” relationships do not usually work out in the long run. In addition to consuming your time and energy, they also prevent you from meeting the person of your dreams.
Step 10. Be aware of feelings of calm and comfort
If you have really found the right person, you will feel good about yourself, at peace and happy, with the knowledge that your relationship is strong and healthy. Your partner should be your point of balance, and you should be his. However, if feelings of anxiety, nervousness and even physical discomfort are part of the relationship, run away! Real love should be permeated with calm, tranquility and comfort, not drama, fights and adrenaline spikes.
- Be yourself. Pretending to be who you are not will only bring frustration to you and your partner, so be whoever you want, always prioritizing your goals in life. After all, the lid of your pot should like you just the way you are, without taking it off or putting it on.
- While your soul mate doesn't show up, others will start asking why you're still single. They may even insinuate that there must be something wrong with you in order for you to continue without a partner. When this happens, stay true to yourself and remember that you owe no one an explanation. As long as the right person doesn't come, stay focused on yourself and your personal growth.
- Don't be too picky. If you want to find the perfect person, better wait seated. Are you in a place full of people with interests and tastes similar to yours? Why not open up and give the people who caught your attention the most a chance? You might end up being surprised!
- You will find the right person when the time is right.
- Idealizing the other can be risky, leading you to ignore basic safety issues and too many red alerts. Never forget that the world is full of malicious people who can take advantage of your innocence and vulnerability. If, for example, everyone is telling you to be careful with someone, don't ignore the warnings!
- Don't confuse chemistry with fate. When you meet someone to whom you feel a strong attraction, you may end up misinterpreting your body's signals, confusing hormones with love. Remember that your soul mate may be someone you've known for years but never even considered the possibility of having a relationship with her. Be patient and take it easy before saying you found your half of the orange.
- Don't get obsessed with finding your soul mate. Despair and lack will not attract real love, leading you to choose any partner just to meet those needs.