It's not easy to get over a crush on your best friend (or your best friend). If it happens in your life, you'll need time to process what you're feeling, although it's also important to try to preserve the friendship. In fact, this feeling may never go away - which just means it's true. Reflect on your emotions in a healthy way and do your best to forget about your disappointment in love without leaving the person.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Communicating with Your Friend
Step 1. Tell your friend that you like him in case you need to put an end to the story
If you do that, perhaps the pain and emotional pressure you feel will lessen - after all, you will no longer wonder what he feels, if your passion is reciprocal or things like that. Also, you won't have to hook up with hypotheses (What if…?).
- This endpoint is even more important if you really want to get over what you feel, as you might not want to try to meet new people without forgetting what you're experiencing right now.
- If you don't tell your friend how you feel, he may never find out. Let them out so that they understand the situation well and, if necessary, know how to act based on this new information.
Step 2. Say how you feel if the friendship has changed
If you don't let off steam, you may end up walking away from your friend or start treating them differently without realizing it. He may not even understand this change: maybe he thinks he's done something wrong or that you're no longer interested in keeping him around. Put honesty first to avoid communication problems.
It's very important to be vulnerable and open about sensitive feelings when it comes to friendship. If you cannot express your emotions, you will not feel close or secure with each other
Step 3. Don't tell how you feel if your friend is dating
Otherwise, he may have conflicting feelings and you may withdraw. Wait until he's single or until you think you're not as affected by what you feel anymore.
Step 4. Make the disclosure in person
If you're nervous, you might be tempted to talk about it via text message or something. However, serious conversations like these need to happen face-to-face: that way, there won't be any misunderstandings - as both will witness each other's body language and react immediately.
- Do some breathing exercises before talking to the person to be less nervous.
- If you are very anxious, write down your feelings on a piece of paper before the conversation. Thus, you will have support to express your emotions in a healthy way.
Step 5. Say that your friendship is very important
Sometimes, when one friend likes another, it gives the impression that there is only love interest involved. In your case, if your friend doesn't feel the same way, he might want to know if you are still interested in maintaining the friendship. Make it clear that you would like to keep in touch regardless of the response you receive.
Step 6. Accept your friend's reaction, whatever it may be
If he says he feels the same way, you may feel anxious and lost; if you say you don't feel it, you might be hurt. Respect his emotions, which are just as important as yours. Don't argue and don't get angry if there are any unpleasant surprises. Thank him for his honesty and walk away (if you need time to think).
- It's normal to be hurt and unhappy in these situations. Don't try to fight your feelings or be ashamed of them. This is all part of the recovery process.
- If you can't get over the situation after hearing a negative response, you may have the onset of depression. Consult a professional, such as a psychologist or therapist, if the situation is too tense.
Method 2 of 4: Trying to Keep the Friendship If Possible
Step 1. Separate fantasy from reality
You might like to imagine what your relationship with your friend might be like, but living lost in that kind of illusion only brings more pain. Accept the reality of the situation and the attraction and gradually avoid thinking about what you would be like together.
- Don't get lost in the memories of the past and don't worry about the future. Live the present.
- Instead of building an entire fantasy story, stick to what you already have: work, have fun, spend time with your other friends and family, and do your best to be happier.
Step 2. Value friendship
You can stay close to the person even if they don't have anything loving. Think of all the experiences you have had together that have helped you to bond. In the end, be grateful for the opportunity to have her in your life.
You don't have to give up on the person's friendship; it can still be important. Still, maybe it's better to spend less time with her
Step 3. Spend time away from your friend
Maybe you need to get away from this person a bit to think things through. Ask for time - and if you feel it is appropriate, confess how you feel. However, if you are not prepared, say that you are going through a painful experience and that you need to be alone for a while.
- Sometimes rebuilding a friendship can take weeks or months. You may not be able to get over passion completely until you meet someone else. Process your feelings without haste.
- Your friend may be confused or hurt if you start avoiding him. Tell him it's not his fault and he didn't do anything wrong. That way, when it's time to rekindle the friendship, there won't be any communication problems.
Step 4. Draw boundaries
If you want to overcome passion and avoid relapse, set limits for yourself and your friend. Don't make physical contact for a long time; stop flirting or flirting and avoid overly personal conversations for a while, among other things. Also, put the whole matter on clean cloths with the person (if you feel comfortable, of course) so that they also know what not to do.
Method 3 of 4: Processing What You're Feeling
Step 1. Don't put limits and barriers on what you feel
Don't hold back your emotions (or you'll get even sadder) and don't ignore the pain: open your heart and let yourself be sad for the future you could have together but won't. Be grateful that you have this friend in your life, and think about the good and bad things you've lived together. Finally, accept all the emotions you feel.
- If you are distressed by all these emotions, try not to think about your friend. Relax, recharge your energy and get back to the situation when the time is right.
- Sometimes crying can be a cathartic experience. If necessary, move to a comfortable place and get everything out.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
In the midst of the whirlwind of feelings you have for your friend, you may end up letting yourself go. At these times, taking care of yourself is the best way to regain self-confidence and continue the relationships you've built with other people, especially while you're processing the whole situation. Do things that benefit your physical and emotional well-being and take care of your personal hygiene.
- To take care of emotional health, you can: read some books, spend time with other friends, listen to music, have a massage session, learn something new, and so on.
- For physical health, do the following: go for a walk, exercise, get plenty of sleep, hydrate, or schedule a medical check-up.
Step 3. Laugh
Laughter is the best medicine, capable of ending stress and giving anyone a clearer perspective on life. See an unpretentious movie, read humor books, go to stand-up comedy shows, etc. At the very least, you will be distracted from your thoughts about the person.
Sometimes people use humor and laughter as outlets in delicate times. Just don't make jokes to repress painful feelings
Step 4. Express your feelings creatively
Write something, produce art, sing etc. to focus your thoughts and ideas and process all your emotions. Share what you do with others or keep it to yourself. The important thing is to be free.
If you're not a very creative person, at least keep a journal. Putting your emotions on paper can help
Step 5. Regain self-confidence.
Your self-esteem can be very low when it comes to overcoming this passion: you may feel that no one will love you the way you would like your friend to. Go back to believing in yourself to face the pain and hope again for the future. Write your strengths on a piece of paper and reread it whenever you feel sad; in addition, set sensible goals so that you always remember that you can surpass anything.
Sometimes cases of low self-esteem are signs of depression - a serious problem that cannot always be treated without medical supervision. If you think you are sick, talk to a loved one or seek therapy
Method 4 of 4: Moving Forward
Step 1. Put yourself first
Before going back to romantic adventures, try to get to know yourself better: think about what you expect from life and what is important to you. Explore your strengths and weaknesses as a human being to define what you would like to have in a relationship.
Almost everyone "losts" when they fall in love with someone. Rediscover who you are and learn to love yourself without depending on others
Step 2. Seek new interests
Get out of the house and learn and discover new things to distract yourself and become more self-confident. For example: take cooking courses, volunteer at animal shelters, learn to play a musical instrument and try out other things you've always wanted to know.
- Choose a hobby that requires time and concentration. Then use it as an outlet while focusing on something productive.
- This is the best time to revisit an activity you enjoyed before but had to leave behind. Then you can reconnect with your inner self.
Step 3. Spend time with other friends
As stated above, people "get lost" when they are in love - and even end up neglecting other aspects of life, including friendships. Strengthen your bonds with other friends for emotional support in other areas. Invite them out, go to the movies, talk etc. Even chatting on the internet will do.
Don't just be distracted with friends. It's also important to learn to be alone. If you need a little insulation, don't worry
Step 4. When the time comes, go out with other people
You don't need to pursue a serious relationship right away: date a few different people for a while and have fun.
- The best way to fall in love again is to meet new people. Participate in events, do different activities, chat with colleagues and acquaintances, go to interesting places etc.
- Think about the qualities your friend has that you would like your partner to have too. Don't expect this new person to be the same as the old one (after all, no one is), but use this opportunity to find out what you're looking for.
Step 5. Understand that getting over a crush can take time
The heart recovers at its own pace. In a way, maybe you will love this person forever; the important thing is to overcome the pain and open up to new opportunities, even if this is not instantaneous. Don't be discouraged: love can always come again.
Be careful not to catch your friend's hurt and start hating him. Don't get consumed by negative emotions
Tips
- Distract the mind. It's no use brooding over your feelings: you may end up neglecting your other friends and the back you like to do.
- Don't compare every new person you meet to your best friend, or you'll just get frustrated. Appreciate the qualities he has, but recognize that others also have their own unique attributes.
- When you're sad, let off steam with a friend or relative. Ask for advice to overcome the situation.
- Nobody needs to be in a relationship to be happy. If you still haven't found the right person, put yourself first. You won't feel complete with anyone if you're not complete with yourself.
Notices
- Avoid your friend's social media. Visiting his Instagram or Facebook will only make the situation worse.
- If you feel sad even after trying to overcome passion, seek professional help. It could be that you are depressed.