Choosing to start a relationship with the girl you like is a big decision, but it's also one that opens the door to many exciting possibilities. Because of the emotional investment involved in any serious relationship, it goes without saying that you will have to choose your girlfriend carefully. Luckily, with a little help from wikiHow you can find the winner in no time! See Step 1 below to get started.
Part 1 of 3: Looking for Positive Traits
Step 1. Above all, choose a girl you like to be with
This may seem a bit obvious, but it's something many forget! Although almost all relationships have difficult moments, they should bring happiness to both partners (most of the time). Your girlfriend should be someone you know can arouse positive emotions in you. If the girl you are considering starting a relationship with makes you want to be somewhere else or makes you tense or unhappy often, you should seriously reconsider. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Can I be myself around this person, or do I have to pretend to be different to please?
- Is this person someone I naturally like to talk to?
- Do we seem to enjoy the time we spend together?
Step 2. Choose a girlfriend who demonstrates self-respect
We all know how the saying goes, "You can't love another person if you don't love yourself." Heed this advice: Choose a girlfriend who loves herself and has a healthy self-image. Girls like this are more likely to be emotionally stable and have sensible, realistic priorities that are compatible with a relationship.
- How do you know if a girl loves herself? Generally, a person with a healthy amount of self-respect will have some (if not all) of the following qualities:
- Proper hygiene habits
- Confidence in one's abilities
- A relaxed and sincere demeanor
- An ability to find grace in oneself without being overly self-deprecating
Step 3. Prioritize emotional attraction, but don't put physical attraction aside
If you don't feel an emotional connection with your girlfriend, it doesn't really matter how beautiful she is – your relationship will be pretty dull. You should choose a girlfriend based primarily on emotional attraction rather than physical attraction. Ask yourself, "Would I still want to be in a relationship with this girl if she had a blemish face?" If so, you probably have an attraction that goes beyond looks!
That said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with appreciating your loved one's beauty, so if you have an emotional connection with a woman you are also physically attracted to, so much the better! Physical attraction is certainly one of the ingredients of a healthy relationship – it just isn't the most important ingredient
Step 4. Choose a girl who has a good sense of humor
Laughter is part of almost all healthy relationships! Laughing is one of the best ways to quickly form an emotional bond with someone, so the more you and your girlfriend make each other laugh, the better. Try to pick a girlfriend with whom you are able to often enjoy unforced laughs and a little well-meaning teasing.
One thing to consider is that different types of people will enjoy different types of comedy. If, for example, you like dirty games better, but the girl is a little more innocent, you might end up feeling a little embarrassed. I'm not saying that two people with different senses of humor can't learn to appreciate each other's sense of humor – but rather that this is something to consider
Step 5. Choose a girl who is independent and self-assured when it comes to her own interests
Girls, like guys, should have their own interests and priorities in addition to their partner's. Choose a girl who shows that she will live a rich and fulfilling life by working towards her own goals, whether dating you or not. A girl like that offers a wonderful experience – after all, it's easy to get interested in people who are interesting.
Better yet, someone with a vested interest is likely to be able to teach you things you may not have learned
Step 6. Choose a girl who wants the same things in a relationship as you do
This is one of the most common (but most preventable) causes of disasters. Before you start dating (or right after you start), it's a good idea to talk about what each partner wants from the relationship. Keep in mind that certain relationships that could work can be destroyed by differences in each partner's priorities. Below are some of the things you should consider with your potential girlfriend:
- Exclusivity – are you two going to commit to each other, or is your relationship casual with the possibility of affairs with other people?
- Future goals – do any of the partners have plans that could interfere with the relationship (for example, moving to study or work)?
- Other commitments that can affect dating – do either partner have beliefs or values that will impose limits on the relationship (eg, religious beliefs, house rules, etc.)?
Part 2 of 3: Avoiding Negative Traits
Step 1. Avoid girls who don't want to commit
If you're looking for a dedicated girlfriend, don't waste time with someone who isn't interested in committing. A relationship with this type of girl can be fun for a while, but it can be heartbroken when she becomes interested in someone else. If your prospective girlfriend seems reluctant to agree to an exclusive relationship or decline the possibility out of hand, find someone else.
The exception to this rule, of course, is that if neither of you wants to commit, you can theoretically have a casual, non-exclusive relationship. Still, approach this possibility carefully – can you really handle seeing the girl you like with someone else?
Step 2. Avoid girls who are materialistic
Some girls, like some guys, don't have the healthiest priorities when it comes to the relative importance of people and things. As a rule of thumb, good girlfriends won't see you go broke while trying to please them. While gifts, material displays of affection and chic evenings are important, they shouldn't be a constant requirement for dating someone. If the girl you're considering dating seems more interested in the things you're going to get from being a girlfriend than in actually being a girlfriend, turn down the opportunity to date her.
- Try asking yourself things like "Would this person still like me if I didn't have the money to take him out?" and "Can we enjoy each other's company without spending anything?" If you can't answer “yes” to many of these questions, a relationship with that person can be material rather than emotional.
- When it comes to making material demands on a loved one, the distinction between what is normal and what is not should be obvious. Obviously, special occasions like birthdays, holidays etc. they are cause for celebration.
Step 3. Avoid girls who are unwilling to express themselves
That old cliché about relationships – “communication is key” – is repeated often, but for good reason. When it comes to girlfriends, you should have someone who is willing to be open and honest with you, especially regarding any issues that might be affecting her or the relationship as a whole. While it may seem superficially desirable to have a girlfriend who always acts happy, even when she's not, this is actually the last type of person you should date, as negative emotions, when hidden, can build serious problems in your relationship.
Step 4. Avoid girls who don't value you
This is very, very important. Relationships are a two-way street, so it's just as important for you to treat your girlfriend with respect and affection as it is vice versa. If the girl doesn't seem to be able to invest as much time and emotional energy in you as you plan to invest in her, a relationship is probably not a good idea.
Remember, a relationship is about you as much as it is about your partner. Relationships should be opportunities for you to make your life (which is already great) even better with someone you care about and respect, not just for you to make your partner happy
Part 3 of 3: Assessing Your Compatibility
Step 1. Meet her friends
You can find out a lot about someone from the people they get involved with. Everyone's personality and opinions are determined by friends, so look at the girl's friends you are interested in to get a sense of what she might look like. Getting to know a potential girlfriend's friends is almost always a good idea – not only can you find out if the girl is right for you, you can also increase your chances of getting a date if you make friends with those friends and leave them. know you like the girl.
Also consider that, even if the girl isn't anything like her friends, these are still people you'll probably have to spend a good deal of time with
Step 2. Try to get a sense of what makes you laugh
As noted above, a good sense of humor is a big bonus in any partner, but one person's concept of what's funny isn't necessarily the same as someone else's. Unmatched senses of humor can sometimes lead to tremendous embarrassment – for example, if one person finds something funny and the other person finds the same thing offensive, there's a good chance someone will get hurt. Try to get a sense of whether the girl you like has a similar sense of humor to yours – ideally, the two of you should be able to make each other laugh easily.
Try to test a mutual sense of humor by spending time with this girl (in a non-pressure, non-romantic context) and making small jokes. If you get a good reaction, you can try riskier jokes, but avoid black and racist humor until you're actually dating
Step 3. Try to find common interests
That cliché “The couple who play together stay together” has a bit of truth. If you and a potential girlfriend like at least some of the same things, it will be easier for you to find things to do together, leading to more fun dates, happier weekends, and generally a less boring relationship. Fortunately, it's not hard to figure out what someone likes to do, as this is a very, very common topic in casual conversation. Just ask!
This does not mean that two people with different interests cannot be together. In fact, one of the benefits of dating someone is being able to try new things – things your partner enjoys doing that you might otherwise never have explored
Step 4. Judge her maturity level
Different people, even if they are the same age, will naturally have different levels of maturity. This is especially true in adolescence, when just one year can make big changes in a teenager's life. If you're looking for a girlfriend, you should find one who's more or less at the same maturity level as you. In general, mature people are more open to long-term "serious" relationships, while less mature people tend to favor relaxed, casual relationships. Two partners who are somewhat ideal for each other can expect quite different things from a relationship if they are at different levels of maturity, so consider whether the girl you're thinking about doesn't seem to agree with you about it or not.
- Ask yourself:
- "Does this person seem to be making more (or less) plans for the future than I am?"
- "Does this person seem to have a different concept than I do about how 'serious' an ideal relationship should be?"
- "Does this person's plans for the future reflect a different level of maturity than mine?"
Step 5. Consider the girl's relationship history (and your own)
This is important. While it's perfectly possible for a person to change their habits over time, it's impossible to predict the future – just look into the past. If the person has had certain problems with relationships, there is a good chance (definitely not a certainty) that those problems could show up in their relationship. For example, if the girl you're interested in has a history of quickly "getting bored" with her boyfriends and moving on to someone else, this is something you should seriously consider before dating her. It is always important to consider possible future relationship issues before choosing a girlfriend (without, of course, adopting a condemnatory or cynical attitude towards the girl, who obviously cannot control the past).