How to Forget His Past: 12 Steps (with Pictures)

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How to Forget His Past: 12 Steps (with Pictures)
How to Forget His Past: 12 Steps (with Pictures)
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Cultivating an obsession with your boyfriend's past isn't just strenuous, it's a real trigger for stress. You're not the only person in the world thinking about the time this guy spent with his ex-girlfriends, imagining scenes like in a movie and inflating that uncomfortable feeling of jealousy. Recognizing that you don't want to feel that way is a good start. Start noticing what exactly is bothering you and try to redirect your focus to the present moment, or try doing something to distract yourself. If you need help, don't be afraid to go after it. A therapist can help you work through your feelings and emotions to further strengthen your relationship.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Adjusting Thoughts About the Guy's Past

Get over His Past Step 1

Step 1. Recognize jealousy as a normal emotion

As unpleasant as it is to be jealous of your boyfriend's past, thousands of people experience the same whirlwind of feelings. It's okay to feel angry, anxious, or sad. You are not alone in this! Be nice to yourself.

The first step in overcoming this nagging emotion is to acknowledge the feeling

Get over His Past Step 2

Step 2. Write down on a piece of paper why you feel bad about his past and what you can do to feel better

Make three columns on a sheet of paper. In the first, write specific stories, actions, or reminders that make you feel uncomfortable about the young man's past. In the second column, write how you feel. On the third and last, write down what you or he could do to make you feel better.

  • In the first column, for example, write that you don't like to see pictures of your cat with ex. In the second, mention the level of irritation and insecurity when viewing the image. In the last one, write that you can stop looking at old posts on his social media and the guy can delete those photos.
  • Your boyfriend should support you at this point, but remember that you are the one who needs to change consciousness about this.
Get over His Past Step 3

Step 3. Stop quizzing him about the past

Jealousy makes the person want to know all the details about the partner's past, seek reassurance by comparing themselves with the previous girlfriend or even make accusations. You might try to convince yourself that you just want to know the truth about what happened, but any answer the guy gives will only make you feel worse. Before asking anything about his background, consider whether this information will do you any good or will only make you feel more insecure.

  • And that includes digging through his social media. Don't search for posts and comments from years ago, it will only haunt you.
  • Knowing if the guy has any illnesses, past traumas, or the kind of affection he enjoys is fine, but wanting to know every detail of his sex life with his ex isn't going to help at all.
Get over His Past Step 4

Step 4. Put in your mind that the past is behind you

There's a reason he wants to be with you now and not someone else. The old relationships are over and they don't matter to him anymore.

There's nothing he can do to change what happened. As much as you want to, there is no way to erase the past

Get over His Past Step 5

Step 5. Think about what happened made you the person you are today

Reflect on your own experience over the years and how each of these things contributed to your becoming who you are. Everyone has a past and there is no way to change it. The decisions you made along the way, good or bad, shaped the person you are today. Your partner's past is precious, as every step in his life has brought him closer to you.

Instead of being angry and resentful for the path he has chosen, be happy. If it hadn't been like that, he wouldn't be by your side now

Get over His Past Step 6

Step 6. Avoid acting in the heat of emotion

All this annoyance can end up making you want to punish the guy or even think about breaking up. Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you have to act on impulse. Try to control your emotions and understand the whole situation before making any decisions.

  • Redirect energy into some other activity to avoid triggers that make you act coldly toward your partner. If the name of an ex-girlfriend of his comes up in the conversation, for example, instead of starting an argument, go for a walk. Spending time alone and being distracted will be good for calming her down and avoiding saying things that she might later regret.
  • Focus on your breathing. Feel the air entering through your nose and filling your lungs, be aware of the chest expanding and finally the warm air coming out.

Method 2 of 2: Developing the Relationship

Get over His Past Step 7

Step 1. Talk about your feelings

Be honest with him about what you're feeling and tell him you need support to work through those emotions better. Reaffirm your love for him and say that you are working hard to let go of these negative feelings.

Pick a time when you're feeling relaxed to have this kind of conversation. It's no use trying to talk to your boyfriend if you're angry

Get over His Past Step 8

Step 2. Work on your self-confidence

There's a reason your boyfriend is in love. You have many qualities, and it's important to remember them. Write down on paper three things you like about yourself, no matter what they are, and get into the habit of being your biggest fan by acknowledging your successes and achievements.

Nobody is perfect. Keeping this in mind can help you avoid self-criticism. Focus on the positive things

Get over His Past Step 9

Step 3. Focus on the joyful things

To be happy in a relationship, you need to be happy in the activities you usually do alone. Exercising, playing a musical instrument, listening to music, reading, cultivating hobbies and talking with friends are some of these simple things that help a lot.

Your cat has fallen in love with you for who you are! A lot of your identity comes from what you like to do. Take the opportunity to reconnect to your passions and strengthen your relationship

Get over His Past Step 10

Step 4. Focus on the present and future of this relationship, not the past

Spend time with your sweetheart doing fun things, but don't let the conversation go. Think about what you can do to have an even better relationship.

If you're jealous of your boyfriend's experiences with his ex, create even better experiences and memories with him. Don't compare yourself, what you have with him no one else has

Get over His Past Step 11

Step 5. Find a healthy relationship model to follow

Sometimes people feel insecure in a relationship simply because they have no healthy relationship frame or experience. Talk to your partner about what the ideal relationship should look like. If you don't have any close examples (your parents' marriage, for example), it's important to seek professional help.

Is your parents' relationship complicated? It could be that their habits are being reflected in your own relationship. Try to reflect on these habits and what you can do to change them

Get over His Past Step 12

Step 6. Consult a psychologist if you cannot avoid jealousy

It is not always possible to control these emotions alone and there is no shame in asking a professional for help. Most of the time, the presence of a therapist is the best choice in this quest for the development of the relationship, as he will create strategies and advise the couple.

The waiting list for some professionals is long, so once you begin to notice this difficulty in controlling your feelings, try making an appointment

Tips

  • You are a special and unique person who has a lot to offer your partner. Do not forget that!
  • Ask him to reassure you about his feelings for you. Keep a positive perspective and enjoy every minute with him.
  • Whenever negativity floods your thoughts, try to distract yourself with fun things. Sometimes a little distraction is all you need to let the bad feeling slip away.

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