A "stolen kiss" can refer to any kiss that took you by surprise, no matter if it was unwanted or a kiss from your loved one. Regardless of the circumstances, it's important to demonstrate to the person who kissed you the effect that act had on you. There are a few things you can do if you want to avoid stolen kisses in the future.
Method 1 of 3: Reacting to an Unwanted Kiss
Step 1. Step away from the kiss
Before doing anything, you need to stop the kiss by pulling away or pushing the person. Don't passively react waiting for the act to end, as the other person may think this means you're enjoying it and intensify the kiss.
- In most situations, you should be able to distance yourself without using too much force, especially if it's just a peck. Gently hold the other person by the shoulders and stretch your arms, using this support to move away from them.
- If the other person becomes more aggressive, a more aggressive reaction may be needed. Start by using more force to push the person with your hands and arms. Don't be afraid to use your arms to push the person away, or take a kick if that's the only way out of that situation.
Step 2. Create distance
After finishing the kiss, take a few steps away from the person. This will protect you from further stolen kisses and nonverbally indicate that you didn't like it.
- A few steps are enough if the other person has done it with good intentions. If you like, you can lift your palm and turn your face away to make it clear that you don't want another kiss.
- Of course, if the other person is aggressive, the best thing you can do is get away from them as quickly as possible.
Step 3. Stay calm
Unless you're in danger, the best thing to do is stay calm. Assess the person's attitude, as perhaps the stolen kiss was motivated by a misunderstanding, in which case a polite rejection will be the best way out. If the stolen kiss has meant a more serious violation for you, remaining calm will also make it easier for you to express yourself clearly and firmly.
- Breathe deeply. Inhale and hold your breath for a few seconds, then exhale slowly. Repeating this process can help you settle down and put your ideas in place.
- Before responding verbally to the act, try to analyze why the other person did it by thinking about what happened before the kiss. Objectively asking yourself why it happened can help you answer appropriately.
- If you were on a date and everything was going well, maybe the other person misunderstood and believed that the kissing would be mutual.
- If a friend has kissed you unannounced, maybe they have unrequited feelings for you and have gone over the top for a while.
- If someone you've rejected, a stranger, or someone you don't get along with steals a kiss from you, maybe that person intentionally did it to piss you off or annoy you.
Step 4. Firmly reject the kiss
Depending on the circumstances, you may feel bad about having to tell the other person that you didn't like the kiss. Even if that's the case, a firm rejection is the best way to ensure that it doesn't happen again.
- If you're dealing with someone who has unrequited feelings for you, make it clear that this feeling isn't mutual and that it shouldn't happen again: "I'm flattered, but I don't have a romantic interest in you and I don't want to kiss you."
- If you're not ready to kiss someone on a date but plan to do so in the future, make this clear: “I really like you, but I still don't feel ready to kiss at this stage of the relationship. When I'm ready, you'll know."
Step 5. Consider giving an explanation
Explaining your reasons isn't mandatory, depending on what kind of relationship you have with the person, but it might be a good idea to explain to the person why you don't want to kiss them. Be kind but firm, and express your thoughts as clearly as possible.
- If you suspect that the other person has kissed you with malicious motives, it may be better to skip the explanations and leave.
- On the other hand, if you're rejecting a friend who has feelings for you or telling your date that you're still not comfortable kissing him, an explanation of what you're feeling can help lessen the impact of that rejection and avoid that it occurs again in the future.
Step 6. Step away from the person
Rejecting a kiss can hurt feelings, especially if they aren't mutual. To give the other person time to recover and notice your lack of interest, it may be best to keep your distance for a while to avoid situations that could cause further disagreements.
- Avoid hanging out with this person for a while, especially if there are no other friends around. Also, when you do go out together again, avoid behavior that could be construed as flirting to ensure you both know the limits of the relationship.
- Don't be surprised if the other person doesn't want to go out with you anymore. Even if she respects your feelings, the pain of rejection can be difficult to tolerate, which can prevent your friendship from continuing. In these cases, distance may be the best option for both of you.
Step 7. Ask for help if you feel threatened or harassed
If the person who stole the kiss persists aggressively or threatens you in any way, seek help from the authorities. A stolen kiss might be innocent, but someone who has no respect for your feelings and your space might end up doing something more serious next time.
A forced and unwanted kiss can even be considered a form of sexual abuse. This can especially occur if this behavior continues after you make it clear that you feel. Don't be afraid to report the incident to the police if you feel unsafe
Method 2 of 3: Reacting to a Surprise Kiss from Your Lover
Step 1. Step back gently
Even if you enjoyed the kiss your love stole, it might be a good idea to step back for a breath. This will ensure that your reaction is noticed, preventing it from getting lost in the heat of the moment.
- Don't be afraid to “ruin the moment” by stopping the kiss. If you keep close but at the same time don't let him kiss you, maybe the desire atmosphere between you will get stronger.
- On the other hand, breaking this physical contact will allow you to think and assess your feelings calmly, which can be important if you are not sure how you feel about the stolen kiss. This is far more important than the risk of ruining the moment.
Step 2. Take time to process feelings
Depending on the circumstances, this could take a few moments or even days. The important thing is to take your time and think calmly about how you feel about the kiss, whether you liked it or not, for example, or whether it was acceptable or not in the context of your relationship.
- If you're already in a more intimate relationship, you might not need a lot of time to think about what happened. Your instinct will know quickly whether you liked the kiss or not.
- If the relationship is still in its infancy, it may take more time to think about the kiss. let your partner know this calmly and directly: “Wow, I wasn't expecting this. Can you give me some time to think about how I feel about this? My mind is confused at the moment."
Step 3. Express your feeling
It doesn't matter if your reaction was positive or negative, it's a good idea to tell your loved one what it meant to you. Also, try to determine whether, in your situation, it is better to give a short answer or a longer one.
- If you liked the kiss and noticed it quickly, a quick confirmation might be enough: “That was amazing!”.
- If it took you a little longer to decide how you feel about stolen or surprise kisses, sit down with your partner and clearly explain what you felt and why you had this feeling to avoid problems in the future.
Step 4. If you like, return the kiss
If your reaction to the kiss is favorable, you can take the initiative to kiss him to make your feelings clear, but don't feel obligated to do so, of course.
You can kiss him back with the same intensity as you received, kissing him back, for example, or be more intense. React according to your feelings and those of your partner
Step 5. Set limits for the future
It doesn't matter if you liked the kiss or not, maybe this is a good time to set boundaries for your relationship. If you don't like stolen kisses, be honest about it. Even if you enjoyed it, you might find this type of kissing inappropriate in certain situations, so make that clear.
For example, you might like a casual stolen kiss if it's a peck when you're alone, but you might not feel as comfortable with something more intense (like a French kiss) without warning, especially if it comes by surprise in front of friends, your family or in public
Method 3 of 3: Avoiding Stolen Kisses in the Future
Step 1. Never feel obligated to do anything
It's important to realize that you shouldn't be forced to have any kind of sexual contact with anyone, even if that contact is an innocent kiss. The body is yours and no one has the right to infringe on your personal space or force any kind of contact with you. Realizing this is an essential part of preventing someone from stealing a kiss from you in the future.
Step 2. Learn to say “no” without feeling guilty
Rejecting someone who wants to kiss you can be difficult, and if you can't react quickly and express your rejection, it's possible that the other person will act before you say anything. Learning to say "no" in this and other situations can help you escape from unwanted situations.
Practice saying "no" in everyday situations that don't involve romance. Uncheck any plans you've made to go out with your friends if you don't feel like going, for example. Say "no" when someone asks you to do a project or favor you don't have the time or energy to do. Being more familiar with the word "no" can help you in the heat of the moment
Step 3. Make your feelings and boundaries clear
Always try to be clear when demonstrating what you want, especially in a romantic context. If you don't have feelings for someone who likes you, make that clear. If you're not ready to have physical contact in a relationship, even if it's "just" a kiss, say so to the other person.
Make it clear what "consent" means when starting a date or entering into a relationship with someone you are interested in. In addition to making it clear that "no" means "no", emphasize that only "yes" will mean "yes". A verbal confirmation of consent is important, especially early in the relationship, but you should also discuss nonverbal cues with your partner
Step 4. Avoid unfavorable circumstances
Avoiding situations that could lead to a misunderstanding can help you avoid innocent stolen kisses. Also, try to avoid getting into uncomfortable situations with people you don't trust. This can help stop nasty stolen kisses.
- Don't flirt with someone you don't have a romantic interest in, especially if you think the person has feelings for you.
- Avoid being alone with people who make you uncomfortable or who you don't know enough to trust.
Step 5. Avoid unwanted kisses
If you're with someone who's interested in you but you don't want to kiss, keep an eye out for verbal and non-verbal clues that a kiss is coming. Ideally, the other person realizes that you are not interested and respects your position, however, if they still try to steal a kiss, observing their behavior can help you to avoid it.
- Shake your head or turn your head to the side when your partner attempts an unwanted kiss. This move should be clear, but it will definitely be less of an impact on the partner than pushing him.
- Explain or restate what you think about kissing this person. Tell your partner what you are comfortable doing, and if you need to explain something, be honest about what you feel.