When we want to find someone, it sometimes seems difficult to be single. However, finding someone to date can take time and it is important to enjoy life regardless of your relationship status. Start by learning to see yourself as a wholesome, healthy person, and rethink your concepts about relationships to ensure you engage in healthy dating in the future. The most important tip is: leave the house and have fun!
Method 1 of 3: Build Your Own Identity
Step 1. See yourself as a complete person
Don't reduce yourself to the "single" role. You are so much more than that! You have your dreams, goals and shortcomings and it's important to embrace all those parts of yourself. Being single gives you the perfect time to establish your independence, as you won't be thinking about what the other person wants or needs. Enjoy this moment!
If you're struggling in that department, try making lists of things about yourself, such as your best qualities, your funniest antics, and the things you've accomplished that you're most proud of. These lists are great reminders that you are much more than your relationship status
Step 2. Allow yourself time to be sad about being single
It's perfectly normal to be upset about wanting to be with someone and being single. Many single people feel this too. Don't let the sadness take over you, but allow yourself to feel it when it comes. Take a few minutes to recognize what you're feeling and then look for ways to get over it in a productive and quick way so you don't get into a cycle of sadness.
- For example, if you've been invited to a wedding and it makes you feel lonely, don't pretend you're okay. Say to yourself, "I wish I had someone who wanted to marry me and it makes me sad. It's okay to feel that way, but I can still be happy for my friends and celebrate their wedding."
- If you're feeling lonely around a romantic date like Valentine's Day, try starting a new tradition, like running a marathon to go to as many June parties as possible with your friends.
- Try to separate this from other things that make you sad or anxious. For example, if you've lost someone you love and you're sad to think that person won't be able to see you getting married one day, it can make being single worse. Try to separate one thing from the other and deal with grief or longing separately.
Step 3. Use positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem
If you have high hopes of finding love, being single can damage your self-image. But being single doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it's just that you haven't found the right person. Try to remember your best qualities whenever you start to feel unappreciated. This can help improve your mood.
- For example, look in the mirror and say, "I'm a fun person, I'm a good friend, and I have great style. One day I'll find the right person, but I love myself the way I am now!"
- At the same time, learn to recognize and reject negative thoughts about yourself. For example, if you think "I'll never meet anyone" stop and remember that you have no way of knowing what the future holds for you. Change that thought to something like "I can't wait to fall in love someday!"
Step 4. Pursue your goals regardless of your relationship status
It doesn't matter what you want to achieve in life: you don't have to be in a relationship to pursue it. Do you know that thing you would like to do after finding love? Start doing it now. This can make you feel more complete, which takes all the pressure off of meeting someone.
- For example, if you dream of opening a school one day, take an evening management course while continuing your current job.
- If one of the things you want is to have a child, you can explore the idea of becoming a single parent by adopting a child or artificially fertilizing.
- Following the same reasoning, keep chasing your dreams even if you get into a relationship!
Step 5. Become the kind of person you would like to date
Make a list of the qualities you are looking for in someone, but rather than looking for a person who has them all, assess whether you fit that list. If any of the items is not your forte, try to improve. You will probably feel happier single if you are satisfied with the person you are becoming, and this is a great way to start this process.
- For example, if you want someone who gets along well, kind and generous, look for opportunities to take on these traits, such as trying new things, helping someone who has had a bad day, or donating your time or money to charities you support.
- If you want to date someone who has traveled a lot, sign up to receive emails on airline websites and keep an eye out for promotions. So you can discover new places even if money is tight!
Step 6. Learn to take care of yourself and your home
People often create expectations about the tasks they will do at home when they get married and the ones their partner will do as well. If you are single and live alone, you probably have to do all these things yourself. Strive to keep your home clean and tidy, even if you have to do chores you don't enjoy, like washing the dishes or mowing the lawn.
- For example, learn to change your car oil, wash your clothes or clean the gutter.
- Being self-sufficient will make you more confident and give you a feeling of comfort in being single.
- When you move in with someone, the person will probably love that you manage well in the household. You can talk and decide together how to share the work.
Step 7. Enjoy the support of those who love you
Remember the people who make you feel good about yourself and strive to spend time with them. When you're sad, go find someone and talk about how you're feeling. This helps a lot to alleviate the loneliness of being single.
- If you and your friends are having trouble finding time to see each other, try holding meetings at your home regularly. For example, you can arrange to watch your favorite show every week. Tell them they can come visit you whenever they want.
- If you like to make new friends, try joining a group of people who share your interests. For example, if you love reading, join a book club near your home or join an internet forum to talk about what you're reading.
- Avoid family and friends who are pressuring you to find someone. In the case of someone you can't avoid, like your mom or dad, push yourself and set a limit. For example, say: "One day I will find the right person, but for now I prefer to talk about college (or work)".
Step 8. Focus on self-care practices you enjoy
Part of getting along well is figuring out what things need to be done to make you feel healthy and cared for. Self-care means different things for each person, so think about what an ideal day would be for you, from the morning routine to bedtime, and try to make it a reality.
- For example, if having a beauty routine makes you feel pampered, start the day by sanitizing and moisturizing your face. At night, you can take a longer shower, wear a special face mask, and apply moisturizer all over your body.
- Being healthy is a great way to feel good about yourself, so try to incorporate exercise and a healthy diet into your routine.
- Mental health is also an important part of self-care, so reach out to loved ones when you need help, and consider therapy if you are often anxious or depressed.
Method 2 of 3: Enjoy the Single Life
Step 1. Live the moment.
Don't spend all your energy wanting something you don't have. Prefer to practice gratitude about the things you have and try to notice what is happening around you, such as where you are and what you are doing.
- For example, if you're dining at a restaurant, don't be constantly watching couples and families. Observe the environment and notice the decoration or music. When the food arrives, taste the flavors and try to guess all the ingredients that were used in your dish.
- If you get lost in your thoughts all the time, use your five senses to get back to the present moment. For example, look for something you can touch, something you can smell, something interesting to see, a sound to pay attention to, or something that can stimulate your taste buds.
Step 2. Explore your hobbies when you have free time
Sometimes it's hard to find time to do what we love when we're in a love relationship, so take the opportunity! One way to solve this is to find time for an activity you love. If you're not sure what you want to do, look for new things until you find what you like best.
- Think about your personality and what hobbies would suit you best. If you like sports, for example, you can go gym or hiking. If the arts are more for you, take painting or cake decorating classes.
- Always look for more. Try to turn your hobbies into odd jobs or everyday solutions. For example, if you love photography, offer to take portraits of family or friends and then look for freelance work in your spare time.
Step 3. Hang out with your friends, especially single ones
Being single doesn't have to be synonymous with being alone. Have a group of friends that you can call to go out with you or go out alone and make friends with people you meet. This way, you will have a nice social life while you are single.
- It is sometimes difficult to arrange to go out with friends who are dating, are married or have children because they need to take other people into consideration. That's why it's good to have other single friends who can help keep your schedule full.
- Expanding your social circle can even help you find someone special to date.
Step 4. volunteer to help people and give your life more perspective.
If you find yourself sad because you're single, consider donating your time to help people less fortunate. Supporting a cause you believe in can be a very nice way to put your own issues in perspective.
Think about the needs in your community that you care most about and find a way to help. For example, if you feel bad whenever you see a stray animal, volunteer at the animal shelter closest to your home
Step 5. Remember that things can change at any time
It is not because you are single now that you will always be single. You never know what's to come, so embrace your life the way it is now and be open to the surprises it throws your way.
No matter what happens, remember that you are great just the way you are
Method 3 of 3: Develop a Healthy Relationship with Relationships
Step 1. Be picky about the people you get involved with in the future
It's sometimes tempting to jump headfirst into the first relationship that comes your way, especially if you've been single for a long time. However, it's important to remember that even if you feel lonely, it's better to stay single than to be in a toxic relationship that isn't right for you. To make sure that doesn't happen, keep an eye out for signs when you meet someone new and don't date anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or with values that don't match your own.
- Keep in mind that if you want a relationship that will last, the two of you should agree when the issue is important, such as where to live, whether or not you will have children, and how religion will be a part of your life.
- Be careful not to create unrealistic expectations either. For example, if you meet a kind, generous, and stable person who doesn't like the same TV shows you do, remember that you can come to terms when watching TV, but you can't accept someone who don't be kind.
Step 2. Strive to overcome past relationships that didn't work out
Sometimes it can be really hard to get over a relationship when you don't have anyone new. However, harboring feelings for an ex makes it difficult for you to connect with someone in the future and prevents you from being happy in the present.
- Try to get rid of any guilt or anger, whether it's your ex or yourself. That kind of feeling is not at all productive, regardless of who is to blame. However, it's good to look for a lesson in why the relationship ends so you don't make the same mistakes in the future.
- If you are having difficulty dealing with the trauma of an abusive relationship you have had in the past, see a psychologist to learn strategies for dealing with painful memories and feelings. If you put in the effort, it will help you move forward over time.
Step 3. Be patient
Even though movies, dating guides, and well-meaning relatives say otherwise, there is no set time frame for finding the love of your life. It's not because it hasn't happened yet that you'll never find it. Be willing to wait as long as it takes to find someone who truly loves and appreciates the person you are.
You'll be doing your future love a disservice if you put your life on hold just because you haven't found him yet. Go your way and live to the fullest so that when the right person arrives, you will also be an ideal partner
Step 4. Imagine different endings for your story
Part of the frustration of being single comes from the fact that you don't know if it will ever change. Fight this kind of feeling by imagining all the different paths your life can take. Think of various scenarios that involve finding the love of your life, but also imagine where your career might take you (or a career change), where you might live, or what kind of life you would like to have.
- For example, you can imagine bumping into a stranger in the market tomorrow, ending up picking up his phone, and then falling in love.
- On the other hand, you can imagine a scenario where you start to pursue your dream career, such as taking online classes or freelance work. In this situation, you might meet someone who is funny, smart, and nice that you wouldn't know if you stayed where you are now.