This is an old dilemma: a guy and a girl become good friends, but then, out of nowhere, there's that small but lingering feeling that one (or both) of the partners wants something more. Are you dying to know if your best friend likes you? By keeping an eye out for signs of affection, looking for changes in your friendship, and asking others, you can begin to get a sense of whether your friend is hiding feelings or not. See Step 1 below to get started.
Part 1 of 3: Noticing signs of affection
Step 1. Pay attention to shyness
In romantic films, the main actors are usually men of burning passion and great self-confidence. In real life, boys can be quite shy, nervous and not so self-assured – just like everyone else! If you suspect your friend likes you, looking for signs of shyness is a good place to start. Does your friend seem nervous in your company? Does his laugh seem forced or unnatural? Does he seem to make an effort to laugh around you, even when nothing funny is going on? These are signs that your friend is worried about what you think of him!
- Here are some other things to pay attention to:
- Redness (from shame).
- Strangeness in conversation.
- A slight reluctance or hesitation to say "bye".
Step 2. Look for a suspicious eye contact
People who really like someone have a hard time not looking at the person they like. Does your friend seem to look into your eyes more than normal conversation requires? Does he always smile when he sees her looking at him too? It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul – even if your friend is too shy to admit he likes you, their eyes can give you away.
People who can't take their eyes off the ones they like usually realize this a little late. If you catch your friend staring at you and he looks embarrassed or pretends to look away, you may have caught him in a moment of great desire
Step 3. Check body language
A hidden love can have a noticeable effect on a boy's thoughts and behavior, subtly and unconsciously changing the way he uses his body. Does your friend's body seem to show that he is paying attention to you, with or without reason? In other words, does he turn and look at you when he talks to you? Does he seem to correct his posture when he looks at you? Does he square his shoulders or lean his arm against a nearby wall when he talks to you? This body language may be delivering secret feelings of affection for you.
Step 4. Notice the "accidental" touches
This is one of the oldest games! Lots of guys who like someone will seize any chance to touch their girl. These touches can be generous hugs, him giving you something you can't quite reach, him "accidentally" bumping into you as he walks, and so on. If your friend suddenly seems a little more "close" than usual, you can be pretty sure he has hidden feelings for you.
Sometimes he will be able to plan situations where he will have to touch you. If your friend, for example, seems to get a little awkward around you and develop a habit of knocking things over, pay attention to what happens when you pick things up off the floor and give them to him: Does he touch your hand subtly?
Step 5. See if he makes an effort to be "near" or "away" from you
Friends who adore their friends in secret often want to be around them as much as they can. Most of the time, friends with a secret feeling (consciously or not) will gravitate towards her – staying close to her on social occasions, sitting next to her at meals, etc. However, sometimes a boy can be very shy. In this case, although he wants to be around his friend, her presence makes him so nervous that he will actually find ways to "not" be around her. Pay attention to his habits – if he ends up standing right next to you or far away from you when you're with a group of friends, you'll know something's up.
Part 2 of 3: Analyzing your friendship
Step 1. See if he prioritizes hanging out with you
If your friend likes you, hanging out with you will be one of his favorite things. He will go out with you as much as he can and sometimes may even cancel other plans so he can prioritize you. If your friend suddenly seems to be always getting in touch to find out what you're up to and to find out if you're busy every day, you may be dealing with a friend in love.
Step 2. Pay attention to the things you are talking about
Guys who like their friends will sometimes mention feelings subtly in conversation. They do this in a number of different ways. Some try to move the conversation to romantic topics, asking questions about who the friend likes or if she is looking for someone. Others will talk about dating itself, for example, joking about how ridiculous some couples seem. Keep an eye on the types of conversations you have with him - if they seem to be about romance or dating, even if he doesn't make any indication that he's interested in specifically dating you, this may be his way of signaling his interest.
There is an obvious exception to this rule. If your friend engages you in his love life by asking about other girls, it's usually a sign that he thinks of you as an unromantic friend
Step 3. Perceive the flirting
Some kids are less shy than others. The most confident guys might even like to flirt with you. If your friend develops a habit of teasing you with jokes, making innuendos, or seeming to like to scandalize you, it shows that, at the very least, he has "thought" of you as more than a friend.
Realize that a boy's intentions can be a little vague when he flirts. A lot of guys have a habit of flirting and then making it look like it's just a joke if his advances aren't reciprocated. Others use flirting and innuendo as a form of play. But persistent, repeated flirting is almost always a sign of something extra
Step 4. Identify a "fake date" when it happens
Guys who want to go out with their friends sometimes recreate the atmosphere of a date when they are going out with them. Keep an eye on this: when you meet your friend for a friendly meal, does he seem to be more "formal" than usual? For example, if he is usually vulgar and talks too much, has he become quieter and more reserved? Did he develop good manners out of thin air? Does he insist on paying for you? If so, your friend may be having a "fake date" with you in an attempt to make the real date possible.
Also, pay attention to where he takes you and how he dresses. If he takes you somewhere fancier and cooler than you would normally go when you go out, and if he's more dressed up than usual, you'll know you're on a fake date
Step 5. Notice how he treats other girls
This is one of the most important things to notice when you're trying to find out if he likes you, but it's something that is often overlooked. If you think your friend is being overly affectionate with you, before coming to any conclusions, pay attention to how he interacts with other girls. If he acts the same way with other girls, then you're dealing with a natural flirt or someone very outgoing rather than a secret admirer.
Listen when your friend talks to you about other girls. As stated above, if he openly asks for advice on how to attract and win other girls, he "probably" doesn't see her as more than a friend. However, if he seems dissatisfied with other girls, complaining that he can't find the right person, this might be the way to hint that he's interested in you
Part 3 of 3: Asking Others
Step 1. Ask your friends
Finding out if your friend likes you doesn't take guesswork – a good way to cut to the chase is to simply ask someone close to them! Most groups of friends talk about the girls they like. If your friend likes you, there's a good chance that one or more of your friends know about it.
- If you can, you should find a mutual friend – someone who is close to both of you. This person will not only give you helpful advice and help you with the next steps, but since she or he is loyal to you (hopefully), she or he won't tell you your secret.
On the other hand, asking someone who is just his friend and "not" yours can be risky. Chances are, the person you asked will tell your friend that you asked about him. This can work in your favor if you want your friend to know that you're also interested, but if you're not, it can be bad for you
Step 2. Ask your friend
If you're very confident, the simplest and most direct way to find out if he likes you is to ask him. This can be frightening, but usually the temporary stress of talking openly about your feelings is worth it to know for sure whether your friend likes you or not. When you ask your friend if he likes you, do so in a private place, as most boys will be too embarrassed to talk about their feelings in front of other people.
Some boys, unfortunately, are also too embarrassed to talk about their feelings in front of you. If you ask your friend directly if he likes you and he says he doesn't but keeps flirting with you and being affectionate, he may be too shy to admit his true feelings to "anyone". There's not much you can do in this case. Just live your life and do what you want and eventually this kid will or won't gain self-confidence
Step 3. If the result is that you two like each other, ask him out
If you find out that your friend likes you from one of his friends or from himself, and you're sure you like him too, you'll have no reason not to ask him out. This will likely happen naturally when the two of you know you like each other. Enjoy your first date – as you are already friends, skip those awkward conversations from the beginning and enjoy your time together as a new couple!
In our society, there is a hidden stereotype that it is boys who should ask the girl out, not the other way around. If your friend likes you but is too shy to ask you out, don't be afraid to ignore this ancient tradition! There's no reason to expect him to ask you to go out and be happy, especially when the "proper" way of doing it is a relic of an old, more formal time
- Good luck! But don't pressure him if he just wants to be your friend!
- If he drops a pencil or something and you pick it up for him, does he try to touch your finger? (To be specific).