You got hit by Cupid's arrow again, but things look different this time. This difference can seem exciting and frightening at the same time, but you're likely wondering if the person you're dating is right for you. To find the answer to your question, you need to take a good look at yourself and your relationship.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Part One: Examine Yourself
Step 1. Stop chasing ideals
Ask yourself if you are happy with your relationship as it is or if you are thinking "Things would be perfect if…" If you need things to change in your relationship to be happy with it, that relationship can be wrong.
- All relationships come with their own set of difficulties. Even when one problem is resolved, another one will come to replace it, sooner or later.
- Finding the "right" person does not mean finding a smooth relationship. Rather, it means finding a relationship that you are completely happy with despite the problems.
Step 2. Allow yourself to be loved for who you are
Allow your partner to see who you really are instead of a false front. You need to be able to trust your partner to accept who you really are if you want the relationship to last.
- Part of that requirement depends on your partner as well. You must be with someone who truly loves you and never demands that you change.
- Likewise, you also need to love your partner for who he really is.
Step 3. Make your partner happy
A good sign that you've found "the guy" is when you prioritize your partner's happiness over your own. Everything has its limits, but in general you should be able to spend time and energy to ensure his happiness without fuss.
- In addition to simply wanting to make your partner happy, you should already have an idea of how to do this. Think of small things like foods and activities that can brighten the person up after a long day. Also think about big things, like being able to get your partner to open up about worries and dreams.
- As with most things, your partner should be able to show the same interest in your happiness as you are in theirs.
Step 4. Reassess your values
Consider whether any of your priorities have changed since you started your relationship. Selfish pursuits should seem less important than the issues that affect your relationship.
For example, consider your opinion about monogamy. If you previously had no interest in getting married and settling down, but now hope to do so with your current partner, he or she must be special or important enough that you changed those beliefs so naturally
Step 5. Consider your appearance
It's a good sign when you care enough about your partner to put a little effort into your appearance, but still feel comfortable allowing him to see you in sweatpants and dirty hair.
Appearances have more to do with attraction than love, but when you truly love your partner, you naturally want to look desirable in their eyes
Method 2 of 3: Part Two: Examine the Relationship Internally
Step 1. Manage conflict, but no drama
Everyone argues with people close to them. The strongest relationships involve fighting partners but do so with resolution in mind. If you never argue, that's a bad sign. If even the simplest fights turn into a week-long drama, that's also a bad sign.
- When couples don't fight, it usually means that one or both people aren't being completely honest. When needs, wants, and difficulties are not externalized, they are not addressed, and the relationship remains weakened.
- Healthy discussions are free from violence in all its forms: verbal and physical. Fights are fair, and no one tries to manipulate the other party.
Step 2. Laugh
You two should be able to laugh at each other and at each other. There should be room for seriousness in a serious relationship, of course, but you also need to balance that with a good dose of humor.
However, the teasing that goes on between the two of you should be gentle and playful. If either of you routinely bursts into tears, you are doing something wrong
Step 3. Enjoy the common and the mundane
If the two of you need constant conversation and enthusiasm to make your relationship work, it could be a sign that your relationship isn't going to work, or it could just mean that your relationship is still too young to predict the future.
- Appreciating the mundane means wanting to learn the little details about your partner's past and present life.
- Enjoying the common also means feeling content to sit down and spend a peaceful night together. It's natural to crave emotion from time to time, but you need to be able to enjoy your partner's presence during emotionless moments as well.
Step 4. Connect
The two of you must connect in big and small ways. Look for common interests and similar quirks. Also ask yourself if you share the same priorities and goals.
- If the two of you have different goals, your lives will naturally move in different directions. For example, if you want to settle down, get married, and have kids, but your partner wants to explore the world and has no interest in raising kids, the things you want out of life might just be too different to make things work.
- Everyday hobbies and interests are less important than goals, but they are still worth the attention. One or two common interests will make your time together easier. The more unusual or obscure these interests are, the better.
Step 5. Respect and be respected
A strong relationship is built around respect and commitment. You need to be able to respect your partner, but you also need a partner who will respect you equally.
Respect leads to everything else that a healthy relationship requires: commitment, trust, communication and overall satisfaction. Without respect, none of these other qualities can take root
Step 6. Talk about the future
Think of past conversations the two of you had regarding the future. When the subject comes up, both of you should feel free to discuss it and be able to imagine the other as a part of your own future.
Your conversations about the future don't always have to be serious. If you are still in the beginning of your relationship, you can casually talk about things you should do together "next month" or "next year". However, as their commitment grows, the two of them should be able to talk about their long-term future and for the rest of their lives
Step 7. Share everything
Your partner should be the person you want to share everything with. "Everything" means almost everything - exciting news, fears, that great new coffee shop you found, and so on.
- Ask yourself how often you come across interesting things that you want to share with your partner later. The more this happens, the more deeply rooted the person will be in your mind. A deep connection means a deeper level of commitment.
- Most significantly, honesty needs to be natural to both of you. If you're keeping secrets or know that your partner routinely hides information from you, that's a bad sign.
Step 8. Look for the fireworks
While a committed relationship definitely goes deeper than mere physical attraction, good chemistry is also important. Fireworks don't need to explode every time your eyes meet, but there should be at least the occasional spark.
Physical and emotional intimacy are closely related. You need both to balance a romantic relationship
Step 9. Put "we" before "I"
Both should have a greater interest in working things together than working them separately. You may need to put the well-being of the relationship above your own individual desires from time to time, and both of you should agree to this when the situation really calls for it.
- The first thoughts of "us" are usually positive. The mind changes from "what am I going to do this weekend?" to "what are we going to do this weekend?"
- However, every now and then your thoughts of "we" need to address more serious matters. For example, if you are offered a new job in a different location, you should be interested in how it will affect your future as a couple, rather than just thinking about how it will affect your future as an individual.
Step 10. Live the relationship more than you talk about it
Ask yourself how much time you spend being together and how much time you spend talking about how things are or how they should be. Being able to live in the "now" is important if you want to be together in the future.
Of course, you need to be able to solve problems and desires that arise. However, if these issues worry you frequently, it's a sign that things don't flow naturally between the two of you
Method 3 of 3: Part Three: Examine the Relationship Externally
Step 1. Take a poll
Ask your friends and family what they think about your relationship. Remember: not everyone will see things clearly. However, on the whole, those closest to you should be able to approve of your relationship. They have a more objective perspective than you or your partner, so to some extent they can see things for what they really are.
- If someone you trust is warning you to leave a relationship, you may want to take these fundamentals seriously.
- On the other hand, you also need to consider the source of complaints. Someone who loves drama or is possessive may not be the best judge. However, someone who wants you to be happy and has never caused you trouble for no reason can usually be trusted.
Step 2. Love his social circle
You don't need to love all of your partner's friends or family, nor do you need to spend time with his or her friends. However, the people an individual chooses to have around him are a reflection of him as an individual. If you absolutely cannot tolerate the vast majority of your partner's social circle, you may need to re-examine your partner and find out what those friends say about him.
For example, if you think all of your partner's friends are rioters, you might want to ask yourself if your partner is really the little angel he appears to be in front of you
Step 3. Spend time together and apart
Both of you should want to spend as much time together as possible without completely breaking down when the other isn't there.
- Spend a few days or weeks apart and assess how you feel. If you are completely unable to function, that could be a bad sign. If you manage to function but look forward to the day when the two of you can meet again, that's usually a good sign.
- You should be able to have different friends and interests, but if you feel happier pursuing these things than when you're with your partner, your relationship has got off to a bad start.