4 Ways to Know if it's Love or Just Sexual Attraction

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4 Ways to Know if it's Love or Just Sexual Attraction
4 Ways to Know if it's Love or Just Sexual Attraction

Both love and sexual attraction can cause strong reactions, but sometimes it's hard to know what they're about. It may be that one side is in love and the other is just lusting. Understanding the difference can help you decide the paths for relating to the other person.


Method 1 of 4: Distinguishing Love from Sexual Attraction

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 1

Step 1. See if you only feel sexual attraction

Some signs of physical attraction include valuing the other person's appearance, focusing on sex, and having little interest in talking and getting to know each other for real. A relationship based solely on sexual attraction may work for a while, but things can get complicated if one of the parties falls in love.

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 2

Step 2. Ask yourself whether either of you feels love

Love usually comes with sexual attraction, but it goes much further. Do the couple have long, deep conversations to get to know each other and value each other's happiness? Think about whether you want to be a part of the person's life by getting to know their friends and family and feel a romantic connection with them. Do the two have common values ​​and interests? Do you feel a great connection with your partner? Some qualities to find in a good partner are:

  • A commitment to personal growth and becoming a better person.
  • The awareness of emotional baggage and one's own shortcomings.
  • Willingness to open up.
  • Responsibility and respect.
  • Integrity - the person is honest with you, with themselves and with others.
  • Being in a relationship because the person feels good about themselves and not to feel good.
Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 3

Step 3. Understand the role of biology

Desire and romantic love are in part the effects of complex chemical reactions that take place in the brain, which help to explain universal human behaviors in relation to reproduction. Sexual attraction, romantic love, and lasting feelings of attachment play relevant roles in different proportions in a relationship.

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 4

Step 4. Suggest different activities to the person

Try to find things you both like to do. If it's easy to find pleasurable activities together, the couple may be on the right path to love. However, if finding something that doesn't involve sex or the promise of sex is a difficult task, chances are you're just feeling desire.

Method 2 of 4: Talking About Expectations

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 5

Step 1. Talk to the person about what they like about the relationship

If she only mentions her appearance or talks about the couple's sex life, it's pretty obvious that it's more about desire than love. Maybe you feel something else, but you need to take into account the feelings on the other side as well as what the person thinks about the connection between you. This type of conversation can be uncomfortable, but it can also help clarify a couple's feelings.

  • "I love hanging out with you and I hope you enjoy it too. What is your favorite activity as a couple?"
  • "I don't want to have a DR; I just wanted to know if you'd rather keep things between us as they are or if you've been thinking about something else."
  • "I know we haven't defined things yet, and that's okay, but I'd like to know how you see our relationship."
Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 6

Step 2. Assess whether you are willing to continue in a relationship where each has different goals

Sometimes desire can even turn into romantic love, but usually it's just sexual attraction and doesn't go much further. As much as you want to have a deeper relationship with each other, there is no way to have the expected connection if they don't match you.

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 7

Step 3. Ask for time if you can't come to an agreement

Both sides often need time to think about what they really want. If everyone has an expectation about the future of the relationship, it is difficult to reconcile and find a compromise. If the couple manages to agree on the direction of the relationship, great! However, sometimes this is difficult, or even impossible, if the two have very different and even opposing views. So, the way is to ask for a break or finish.

Method 3 of 4: Talking About Relationships with Others

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 8

Step 1. Share your vision of the relationship

Be honest with each other. If you want a monogamous relationship, be clear. If you want a relationship based on sex in which you both have the freedom to date other people, speak clearly in the same way. Don't assume the other can know what you want. The only way to expose what you think is through dialogue.

  • "I want to stay with you, but I think that from now on it would be better to have an exclusive relationship. I really like you and I want to see if we can go further."
  • "We have amazing chemistry and I don't want to give that up, but right now I'm not looking for anything serious. Is that okay with you?"
  • "I don't know where our relationship is going, but I think what's between us is very special and I want to explore that connection further. How about we wait a little longer before we have a sexual relationship?"
Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 9

Step 2. Find out if the person has the same goals for the relationship

If she's willing, find out together what each other's expectations are. Any form of relationship is legitimate - whether it's just sex, just romantic love, or something in between. Think about how these goals can be achieved if the couple wants the same thing. Both just feel sexual desire? What kind of parameters do you want to establish for the time you spend together? If you are both in love, what are the next steps towards a commitment you want to make together?

  • "I think it's cool that we go out as a couple, but I would also love you to meet my friends. They also want to meet you. How about going with me to the next party?"
  • "I know we both have a busy schedule and I want to take it easy. Why don't we just make contact when we want to have sex?"
  • "Do you want to date me? I know we haven't talked much about it yet, but I think it would be nice to take this step and make things more official."
Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 10

Step 3. Keep talking about the relationship

Perhaps you find that your ideas and goals change over time. Perhaps you will discover that the love you thought you felt before was more of a momentary passion and that you prefer to continue to have a purely physical relationship with the other. Maybe even the connection that sex provides can deepen and initiate stronger and more romantic feelings!

  • "We've talked about the direction of our relationship and I think I'm satisfied with your friendship and casual sex. Shall we keep it that way?"
  • "It's great to have this intimacy with you and I feel our connection growing. How about we go out once in a while without having sex and see where it goes?"
  • "I'm confused. I thought I wanted an open (or closed) relationship with you, but now I'm not sure anymore. I think I want it the other way around. What do you think about it?"
Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 11

Step 4. Have a conversation if the course of the relationship doesn't suit you

You made it clear what you wanted from the relationship, now you need to make sure the other understands exactly what your needs are. In the early stages of a relationship, it's easy to let everything go, but then you can get into trouble later. Communicate what you want and need.

  • "I like to go out with you for drinks, but could we do something different this weekend for a change?"
  • "It seems like you always want to spend Sunday with your family. That's fine with me sometimes, but I also want to do other things. Do you think it's bad to go alone this time?"
  • "I don't like this routine of having sex and watching TV later. Can we think of different things to do from time to time?"

Method 4 of 4: Ending a Relationship

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 12

Step 1. Break up with the person if you cannot agree on the relationship

Perhaps this happens early on, when the two are getting to know each other, or later, when the relationship has its own rhythm. As much as you want things to work out, there's nothing to do if the other side disagrees with your parameters. The idea of ​​giving time to time may sound good, but it usually only makes things difficult later, as the ending becomes more painful.

  • "I think we don't want the same things and that we'll never come to an agreement. We'd better stop here."
  • "It was a lot of fun being with you, but I need to move on. I want something different from you."
  • "I love you, but you don't love me. It's hard to be in a relationship knowing that. I can't see you anymore."
Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 13

Step 2. Allow time to overcome

It may be tempting to get back on track and find someone else, but you will be emotionally vulnerable. Spend time with friends and family, reconnect with your interests, and reflect on what you learned from the relationship that came to an end. Recharge your energy before trying to find someone.

Tell if It's Real Love or Just Sex Step 14

Step 3. Find what's best for you

Are you looking for romantic love or a more physical relationship? Your answers may change based on the current stage of your life. Think about where and how to find the right people to hang out with. Whether online or in person, there are many possibilities for finding your new match.

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