Being with a married man may seem like an adventure at first. However, if he doesn't end the marriage and commits himself completely to you, you need to decide to end it all. Walking away can be very difficult, but you can cut the relationship off by remembering your worth and getting the support of someone who loves you. When you're ready, talk to him and let him know you can't be involved in this anymore. Then create a good routine to get away from him completely.
Method 1 of 3: Making the Decision
Step 1. Tell yourself you deserve better than that
Regardless of how you ended up in a relationship with a married man, you deserve more than settling for the leftovers of his attention and affection. Remember your true worth by affirming everything that makes you a wonderful person deserving of healthy love.
- Say to yourself, "I'm smart, beautiful, and caring." I deserve someone who loves just me. I deserve more than that.”
- Repeat until you start screaming confidently and really believe what you're saying.
- Even if you don't believe you deserve more than that, you do. Begin statements with something like "I will find a way to end this relationship that has no future."
Step 2. Create a list of reasons to stay away from him
Work up the courage to end everything by listing all the reasons you are unhappy or dissatisfied with the relationship. You can include things like "I don't like spending the holidays alone" or "I want to be with someone I can build a future with."
Step 3. Get support from a friend
Tell a friend you trust about your decision. Say you want to end your relationship with a married man and ask for her help.
opening up to a friend
Be as honest as possible.
It may be difficult and you may never have told anyone before, but now is the time to be honest. Tell her you need to talk about something complicated and ask her to listen without judging you.
Be specific about the type of support you need.
If you want advice, ask; if not, say you just need her to hear you now. You may want something as simple as a hug or more meaningful support, like practicing what you will say at the end time.
meet your friend at a time when you would normally meet the married man. Go out for coffee, dinner or invite her to a movie. That way, you'll have a reason to cheer yourself up instead of going out to see him.
Step 4. Suffer however you want
You will definitely feel a lot of pain when you become aware of your decision. Take a few days to take it slow and pamper yourself. Lie down, watch a romantic movie, cry. Shout out frustrations with all your might.
There is no right or wrong way to suffer for a relationship breakup. Do whatever it takes to release all your pain
Step 5. Go to a therapist if you need help finishing everything
Starting a relationship with someone who is unavailable can turn out to be a recurrent behavior, so it is important to see a therapist. The professional can talk about your harmful habits that may be preventing you from finding the love you truly deserve.
A therapist can also help you leave the married man, building the confidence and courage to make and stick to the decision
Method 2 of 3: Having the conversation
Step 1. Make the appointment in advance
Call your lover and arrange to meet him, saying you need to talk. Be clear and say that the date is special and different from a typical outing.
Call or text saying “Hey, can we meet on Tuesday? We need to talk about our relationship."
Step 2. Meet in public, if possible
Meeting in person in public will help keep the conversation more civilized and brief. Try to find yourself at a secluded diner or park bench during off-peak hours.
- Don't be intimate with him during the date or let him think things are normal. Show that you need to have a serious conversation.
- If you prefer not to meet him in person, write a letter, set up a phone conversation or send him an email – you just need to make your intentions clear.
Step 3. Focus on your needs, not his
Resist the urge to apologize or understand his feelings during the conversation. Make everything revolve around you and your needs. Say boldly that you will no longer be content with being “the other” and that you want to end it all.
telling him how you feel
Saying it's over:
"I thought a lot and decided that we shouldn't continue with this relationship anymore."
"You know as much as I do that this can't last."
"It's time to step back."
Giving a reason:
“You can't give me what I need. I need to move on and find someone who can.”
“This relationship is not good for me. I need to get away now before I get hurt any more.”
"I deserve better than that."
Step 4. Be firm
Your lover may try to persuade you not to end the relationship. He may start to promise that he will leave his wife and stay with you, but don't fall for it. You've already made a decision, so be firm.
keeping the decision
Have good posture and look him in the eye.
Lift your chin and make direct eye contact to show you've made a firm decision. Try not to be too fidgety with your hands or folding your arms, which can give the impression that you are unsure of your decision.
Be strong if he tries to change your mind.
Shake your head and ask him to stop if he's making excuses or trying to convince you to stay. Repeat “It's over” until it stops.
Ignore empty promises.
Some married men are very good at cheating. Remember, he already showed that his words don't have much meaning. Remain firm in your decision.
Step 5. Set limits for the future
Before parting, be clear about your expectations. The best option is to cut off any type of contact, so say you don't want to see or hear from him again.
- Say “Jorge, I would like you to erase my number, my email and my home address. Don't call me or stop by my apartment. Please respect my decision”.
- You can also add “I won't answer the cell phone or the door”.
Method 3 of 3: Moving Away
Step 1. Take a trip to change the routine
After finishing the case, take time to be alone. Plan a solo trip to somewhere you're dying to see or take a weekend trip to a nearby town with your best friends. You can also go and visit friends or relatives you've lost contact with.
Visiting a different place can help you stay firm and positive with your decision. Also, if you are surrounded by people you love, you will feel loved and hope for the future
Step 2. Make changes to your daily routine
Give your daily life a boost by filling in the spaces that the married man used to occupy. Transforming some aspects of the routine helps to keep the distance from the loved one, as well as helping to create new memories.
transforming the routine
Setting new goals:
start doing a new physical activity like running or yoga.
Redecorate your home.
Complete an art project such as a story or painting.
Connecting with new people:
join a new club, like a book club.
Get involved in a local organization such as a school or church.
Spend time with friends and ask them to introduce you to co-workers or other acquaintances.
Try meeting someone on the internet when you're ready.
Step 3. Change numbers if he doesn't stop trying to contact you
To really cut off all sorts of contact, get a new phone number so he can't reach you anymore. When installing new contacts, make sure their number is no longer listed. You can also keep your number and block his so you don't get any more calls or messages from your ex.
Step 4. Remove it from all your social networks
Eliminate all contact with the married man by unfollowing or breaking the friendship on all social media platforms. That way, you won't feel like reconnecting.
It also helps her to move forward without mistreating herself. The whole process is painful enough without having to see pictures of him and his happy family in your feed
Step 5. Avoid seeing your ex
Try as hard as you can to avoid all the places he frequents and not run the risk of seeing him. If you know he tends to go to a certain bar on weekends, suggest to your friends to go to a new place for drinks. Go to a new place for lunch if you normally go to a diner downtown.
If you work with him, see if you can be transferred to another department or shift. If not, restrict contact to work-related matters only
Step 6. Reconnect with others
Help yourself get over the break by planning activities and outings with old friends. You may have disappeared or disconnected when you were with the married man, so show that you are back and that you want to reconnect.
- Even if it's been a while, try to get in touch with a “Hey, what are you doing this weekend? I miss you and I wanted to do something with you”.
- If you have good friends who don't know about the relationship, tell them everything to get a little more support.