If two people had a relationship and they broke up, it's not uncommon for one of the individuals to regret the situation. He often wants to ask to go out with his ex again and rebuild the relationship. This can be a challenge, as breakups are often accompanied by strong feelings, and the ex may want nothing more to do with you. If you decide to ask her out, start slowly and don't dwell on bad memories.
Part 1 of 3: Reconnecting with ex
Step 1. Give her some time and space
After the initial break-up, they no doubt both need time away from each other to process the situation and emotionally recover. Even if you decide the next day that you want to come back, wait at least a month or two to begin expressing your wish.
- If you wish, use this time as an opportunity to meet and even hang out with other people. If you date a new girl, interest in your ex may eventually fade away.
- Time and space can allow the two of you to gain perspective on dating and end up enjoying each other more.
Step 2. Start with a text message
If you still want to reconcile with her after a few months, go slowly and send a short, friendly message. It can be a good way to gauge whether she has any interest in talking to you. It's too soon to try to flirt with her or say anything sexual. Be brief and docile by saying something like:
- “I just passed the bakery where we used to buy bread together and I remembered you. I hope you're well".
- “I just heard our song on the radio and thought a lot about the good times we had. Hope you're well".
Step 3. Call to chat quickly
If she has responded and you ended up having a little text conversation, you can take the next step and call her. Keep the conversation light – don't mention the break-up and don't talk about long-term plans to get back together. She may notice the warning signs and decline your invitation to go out with you.
This will show that you are willing to put in the effort, that you are interested in reconnecting with her as a person, and that you are not just looking for a quick fix
Part 2 of 3: Spending Time Together
Step 1. Ask to meet with her
It's a good sign if she's willing to talk on the phone. At some point in the conversation, ask her if she would like to get together to do something quick and light. For example, talk about going to an art gallery or visiting a fair, etc.
- Say something like: “I hear there's a new photography exhibit at the art museum. I would like to go and I think I will only stay for an hour. You want to go with me?".
- If she agrees and the date goes well, ask her if she would like to do another light and fun activity. This is also an effective way to tell if she is interested in rebuilding the relationship.
Step 2. Say you miss her
No doubt she will be curious to know why you are trying to reconnect. Be honest. This is also the time to be even a little romantic, although she might not be interested until she sees you're being sincere. Say something like:
- "During this time apart, I realized how much I miss you."
- "I've been processing things emotionally after our breakup and found I'm not very happy without you in my life."
Step 3. Explain that you still have feelings for her
This is a sensitive subject and should not be brought up on a first date. Wait to see if she agrees to go out with you for the second or third time, and only then will it be appropriate to talk about it. Be open and honest: tell her you still have feelings for her and would like to reconcile.
- Reconnecting and getting back together with an ex can be a very time-consuming process. Don't expect her to agree immediately.
- Depending on how she feels, she may still hold a grudge or have gotten over the relationship.
Step 4. Respect her feelings
After explaining her feelings, she can make it clear that she is not interested in getting back together and that she no longer has feelings for you. If that's the case, honor her wishes and drop the plan to reconnect.
- It may be appropriate to make a final appeal. Say something like, “I'm not asking you to come back right away. I just want one more chance to show how much I love you.”
- If she still refuses, go ahead and give her the necessary space.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Emotional History
Step 1. Apologize for what you did wrong
If you're the one who ended the relationship or if you've said things that hurt her, you need to explicitly show regret. Don't try to avoid talking about the issues that caused the breakup. Take responsibility for your mistakes and what you did to offend or hurt her.
On the other hand, you will also need to forgive her for any emotional damage she may have caused. If you reconnect but still harbor grudges and resentments, the relationship will fail again
Step 2. Avoid revisiting painful details
Even if you need to discuss and resolve the main issues that caused the breakup, there is no reason to revisit emotionally painful details. Focus on the good things about her and express them in conversation. For example, say:
- "I went out with my friends the other day and started thinking about how funny you are and how much I love the way our sense of humor fits together."
- It can be helpful to take time to process some stressful event or painful detail from the past. Over time, the negative emotions will fade and you'll gain a healthier perspective on how you and she contributed to the breakup.
Step 3. Be discreet about what happened after the breakup
At best, you go back to dating as if the breakup never happened. But she might get jealous or upset if she hears stories about what you did after I broke up. For example, don't share unnecessary details about other people you've dated.
Talking about the past can make your second date with your ex end just as bad as your first
Step 4. Do couples therapy
A third person, such as a couples therapist, can help you increase your chances of having a successful relationship in the future. The professional will be able to help you overcome difficult problems and communicate more effectively, in addition to offering resources so that you do not fall back into the old habits that caused the end of the relationship.
Step 5. Move forward with a focus on the present
If she agrees to get back together, start forming new memories, going to different places, and rebuilding the emotional connection. It can be tempting to bring the baggage of the old relationship when you are reconciling, but don't give in to that temptation.