3 Ways to Stop Thinking About Your Girlfriend's Past Relationships

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3 Ways to Stop Thinking About Your Girlfriend's Past Relationships
3 Ways to Stop Thinking About Your Girlfriend's Past Relationships

Every relationship goes through difficult times. Sometimes difficulties arise from the other person's past relationships. If you are thinking a lot about your partner's ex-boyfriends, this situation needs to be resolved so that you can move forward. This is a serious issue that must be resolved if you do not want to hurt or lose this loved one.


Method 1 of 3: Focusing on the present and the future

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Step 1. Live in the present

Remember that past relationships are in the past and there's a reason they didn't work out! Use mindfulness techniques to train your brain to focus on the present moment and control your thoughts when they wander into the past.

  • Experience a sensory activity. Start by naming all the things in the present that you can see, feel, hear, touch, taste, and smell.
  • Repeat statements that help focus on the present, such as, "I'm happy in my relationship and I won't listen to jealous thoughts."
  • Practice conscious appreciation. Find five positive things in your relationship that usually go unnoticed.
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Step 2. Change the way you observe the gift

The idea is to change how you think about things. As much as you are focusing on your girlfriend's past, remember that you are her present and that there is something she has never had in previous relationships. The girl chose you for who you are. Choose her too!

Ask what she values ​​most about your relationship and see if she talks about the future. If the answer is yes, it's a sign that she's thinking about you together

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Step 3. Do some thought replacement exercises

Whenever a thought about a past relationship pops into your head, try to replace it with something positive, like things you love about your girlfriend and your relationship. Like it or not, her past is part of who she is: remember that everything that happened contributed to the person she is today. Accept it in full and try to do a thought substitution to get it.

Think of a positive image you have of her, whether it's a memory of something you did together or a feeling you have about the relationship

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Step 4. Create new memories together

Spend your energy on creating meaningful moments for you as a couple. As you move forward, moving away from the past, build a future together with activities, photographs and memories. That way, it will be easier to focus on the present and the future, forgetting her past. Some suggestions:

  • Travel together.
  • Plan a trip for two that you wanted to do for a while.
  • Pretend to be tourists in your own city.
  • Learn something new together.

Method 2 of 3: Assessing Your Feelings and Thoughts

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Step 1. Find out when and why thoughts about past relationships occur

Ask yourself why you are thinking about your partner's ex-boyfriends. Is this happening because of her specific behavior, such as always mentioning her boyfriends during conversations? Or is the problem due to your behavior, such as mentally comparing yourself to other guys?

To understand the situation, write down a list of everything that comes to mind. Next to each item, write what was going on before the thought, what you did as a result, and what you could have done differently

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Step 2. Identify themes in your thoughts or conversations

Try to remember the past, when you discussed old relationships or thought about them a lot, and find some patterns or themes. Identifying these themes will help you discover why this situation is bothering you or why it keeps repeating itself. When you discuss old relationships, what are the topics covered?

  • Are conversations more focused on sexual experiences? Maybe there is something about your relationship that she would like to improve.
  • Did the chats have anything to do with how she felt about her ex? Perhaps you are feeling insecure in the relationship or she is lacking in intimacy.
  • Does it have to do with how her family handled an old relationship? It is possible that you are not comfortable with her family members or that she is anxious about your relationship.
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Step 3. Find out what you are feeling

When you find yourself thinking about your girlfriend's old relationships, what do you feel? Emotions can guide you to the real problem. A few examples of how to identify what you are feeling can help you reach a deeper issue. You:

  • Are you comparing yourself to her old boyfriends? Maybe that means you're feeling inadequate or down. Assess your self-esteem and find a way to raise it.
  • Are you worried that she will "go back" to her ex? This could be a sign of anxiety. Assess the level of trust between you and see if you can handle any of these issues.
  • Do you get angry or nervous whenever you hear about past relationships or things she has done in the past? Maybe you are jealous. Analyze the level of security you feel in the relationship and discuss those insecurities.
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Step 4. Assess the effect of this situation on the relationship

What are these constant thoughts doing to your relationship? The problem bothers you enough that you want to fix it, after all, you are reading this article. Chances are, even if you haven't said anything, she knows something's bothering you. Think carefully about how this situation makes you both feel.

  • Does it all make her feel guilty? Remember that the past is behind her and that she cannot change what has already happened. You can't either.
  • Is the situation causing fights between you? Anger and resentment can result from these thoughts and the complications caused in the relationship.
  • Are you happy with your current relationship? What are you doing to improve the situation?

Method 3 of 3: Solving the Problem

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Step 1. Know that you are not alone

This is a common problem in relationships and one that causes a lot of anxiety. Chances are, your girlfriend is also going through something similar, even if your relationship is going well. Know that talking about the subject, although difficult, will be better for the relationship.

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Step 2. Express your feelings about this situation

It's very important not to suppress what you're feeling, because if these feelings are causing problems or distractions, it's not a good idea to try to forget or ignore them. You must be honest and deal with everything you are feeling within the relationship, as you need to be comfortable and trust your girlfriend.

Trying to ignore or suppress your emotions will only increase the risk that they will come back even stronger in the future. When you close yourself off to your girlfriend, you won't be able to deal with the problem and you will end up creating more problems between you

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Step 3. Discuss the jealousy issue

Once you've identified that the patterns, focus, and behavior are being caused by you, it's a good idea to bring it up and talk it over with your girlfriend. That way you'll let her know what you're thinking and how you feel. Keep your head open and listen to what the girl has to say on the subject.

  • Say what you feel and what bothers you: "Hi, I've been thinking about something a lot lately and it's been bothering me. Can we talk for a bit?"
  • Talk about anything from the past that might contribute to your reaction: "Maybe this is bothering me because in the past, I…".
  • Ask her opinion: "What do you think?"
  • Ask for help: "I feel that maybe I need more love and support to overcome this issue. I think it would help a lot if you…".
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Step 4. Find a solution

If you think you're obsessed with the subject because your girlfriend has talked about it, it's time to talk. Make her aware of how you feel whenever she talks about her ex, and allow her to explain herself. The conversation should be smooth, moving slowly toward an agreement on how the two can change and how they can move forward.

  • Open up on the topic: "I noticed something and it would help me a lot if we could talk about it, so that I could better understand the situation".
  • Show that you understand what she said by repeating everything and saying "Okay, I understand…".
  • Talk about how you feel: "When you talk about Marcos or your past relationships, I feel like…".
  • Find a happy medium: "What can we do to move forward?"

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