How to Cope When Your Boyfriend Joins the Army

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How to Cope When Your Boyfriend Joins the Army
How to Cope When Your Boyfriend Joins the Army

The army has always caused stress for couples, and that trend seems to be even greater today. However, with the proper tools and proper planning, a relationship between a member of the military and a civilian can be strengthened by this stress and become even stronger through perseverance. You will need to know how you will communicate with your family during the service and what it will cost. Find out when you will be available to take time off and visit your girlfriend at home.


Cope when Your Boyfriend Joins the Military Step 1

Step 1. Connect before departure

Anyone who leaves on a peace mission in Brazil receives a warning months before departure. Use this time wisely. Avoid the temptation to fight or criticize each other. Try to understand what your boyfriend is going through at the moment. In many places, a military career is not chosen by choice. Don't dwell on the concept that you are going to lose each other. Instead, enjoy the time you have together and be closer together as a couple. Try to connect on deeper levels and look to the future with optimism.

Cope when Your Boyfriend Joins the Military Step 2

Step 2. Prepare for change

When an individual joins military service, he often has to move house, sometimes for many years. Be prepared for it. Work to establish plans. It may be worth creating plans and applying for jobs in locations close to where he will be. However, don't do this right away. Wait until your husband is established on the new base, otherwise the move can create undue stress on the service member as he at the same time tries to integrate into the new unit. Talk and wait for the most suitable moment.

Cope when Your Boyfriend Joins the Military Step 3

Step 3. Prepare for changes in your boyfriend

Virtually every army in the world has some form of basic combat training. It is formulated to teach civilians how to survive in combat, while at the same time reinforcing discipline and preparing them to become effective soldiers. Initial training is often designed to be difficult, and it can be a life-impacting experience for many recruits. Be prepared for these changes. Don't blame your boyfriend for them; these changes symbolize adaptations they need to make in order to survive the rigors of combat training.

Cope when Your Boyfriend Joins the Military Step 4

Step 4. Prepare for changes in yourself

When your partner leaves, you will have to find a sense of independence to keep living. Just as he will be adapting to a new environment, so will you. It's good to have a support network at this time, and it will definitely be of great help if you've already formed it in advance. Try to find mutual friends and family members who know you both well. If it used to be just the two of you, it can be pretty lonely if you don't have anyone to talk to. Although you may feel like separating from your boyfriend, fight not to. Ending the relationship while he is on duty can make him feel abandoned and betrayed.

Cope when Your Boyfriend Joins the Military Step 5

Step 5. Communicate as much as possible

Many initial trainings limit communication with family members to simulate the rigors of warfare. Despite this, it is important to use all possible means for you to stay in touch. Share your feelings and don't try to hide anything. This can be a very stressful time, and if it feels like something is being repressed, it can cause stress and create unnecessary fights. If your companion is transferred to a combat zone, be prepared for very little communication. If letters or phone calls are scarce, it doesn't necessarily mean your boyfriend doesn't like you anymore; it may simply be that the logistical structure to maintain communication is non-existent.

Cope when Your Boyfriend Joins the Military Step 6

Step 6. Enjoy every minute you have together

There will be periods when your loved one can return home. Take your time with him and use it for you to come together as a couple. However, be aware that he will likely want to visit friends and family as well. Don't be upset about this, as it's very likely that he doesn't see his family for the same amount of time that he hasn't seen you. Make time just for the two of you. Celebrate the strength you two found in facing this adversity.

Cope when Your Boyfriend Joins the Military Step 7

Step 7. Keep planning for the future

Always keep your eyes on the future. Having a common goal can help you and your boyfriend feel close as a couple, and it will give you hope that will motivate you each day.


  • Don't be taken by doubts. Try to stay as optimistic as possible. And trust. Trust is the key. If he's the person for you, then don't worry about anything.
  • Communication is very important. As long as you can maintain open and honest communication, nothing can separate you.
  • Don't get paranoid thinking his life is at risk. This will only cause stress and worry that can damage the relationship. Try to understand the facts of the situation.
  • Suffer if necessary. It's okay to let your emotions surface from time to time. However, this is not an excuse to give up everything and give in to a state of depression. Imagine how your partner will feel when he gets home and sees you in this state.
  • Always keep in mind that your partner is a person with ambitions and goals. That should make her proud. Remember, he chose you.
  • Occasionally, changes can occur when couples drift apart. This is perfectly normal, and although sad, it's a natural part of life.


  • If you notice that your partner has symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, or another problem caused by the experience, suggest that he seek help. During the last decade, medicine has made great strides in the field of mental health and brain trauma.
  • Try not to rush into an early marriage. This sort of thing is common in the military and creates great stress for both parties as you grow and mature. If your partner proposes marriage, comfort him and suggest that you wait a little longer until you are able to develop a stronger relationship.
  • Don't see your partner's departure as an opportunity to seek new love; it would just hurt him.
  • If the relationship becomes abusive, it's important that you get out of it as soon as possible. You don't have to put your health and life at risk to “help you get better”. Often, the abandonment of a loved one due to maltreatment can serve as a way of making them realize that they need to seek help.

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