The main foundations of any mature relationship are trust and dialogue - when these two requirements are present, both partners feel supported and committed to the relationship. Cultivate a positive bond with your loved one, develop good communication habits, and build trust between the two of you if you want your relationship to mature. In addition, analyzing past habits can help you resolve common relationship problems.
Method 1 of 4: Cultivating a Healthy Bond
Step 1. Allow the other person to be themselves
Unrealistic judgments and expectations are not part of a mature relationship, so stop trying to change your partner. Learn to make allowances for letting go of the idea that you own reason and that it's always wrong, since most of the time no one is completely right or wrong - you're just different people. Accept and respect these differences if you want to demonstrate maturity.
- Allow yourself to cultivate your own individuality - you will resent it if you have to give up your own opinions, interests, and goals in the name of the relationship.
- Don't try to convince the other person to like the same food or music as you, for example - different tastes will keep the relationship interesting and lively.
Step 2. Discover your common values
There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with trivial things like the right way to wash black clothes, but a couple will be happier if they share the same point of view on important matters. Your personal values - such as honesty, family and tolerance - should be similar or at least complementary.
- Talk about important matters and try to reach an agreement. Mature partners are aware of the loved one's opinion on fundamental issues such as getting married, having children, buying a house, or setting professional plans.
- You don't have to agree on everything, but it's important that you both know each other's values. If you disagree with your loved one's opinion on a very important issue, such as politics or religion, consider whether it's okay to agree to disagree - or is this a non-negotiable point?
Step 3. Determine what it means to be faithful to you
In modern relationships, being committed to someone can mean different things to each couple - do you both want a monogamous relationship or are you looking for a more open relationship?
- Talk to your partner to determine what the two of you expect from a lasting commitment.
- Other people, such as friends and family, may disagree with your definition of fidelity, but the only thing that matters here is your agreement.
Step 4. Keep the flame burning
Mature relationships are not magically successful - they remain happy and satisfying because the couple cultivate common interests, still date together, and know how to prioritize relationship and intimacy.
- Dedicate yourself to your relationship and take time to practice pleasurable activities together with your loved one.
- Schedule a weekly date so the two of you can practice common hobbies, relax together, have sex, or simply have long conversations together.
Method 2 of 4: Learning to Dialogue
Step 1. Make dialogue a part of your day
Communicate better with your loved one by looking for different ways to talk and interact with them throughout the day. Talk about your daily goals over breakfast with questions like "So, what are your plans for today?" and use dinner time to talk about the ups and downs of the day.
- If your partner gives very short answers, ask for more details. You might ask "Why was your day difficult? What happened?" when he says he had a bad day, for example.
- Talk about topics that excite you, such as a music festival or a special dessert that one of you has prepared, to make the conversation more interesting.
Step 2. Listen carefully
Immature relationships do not have consistent patterns of communication, so the couple's bond eventually weakens. In a mature relationship, both partners should work to keep the dialogue open, and communication should be a two-way street for that - not knowing how to listen is a common problem for many couples, so learn to be more considerate.
- Give the other person your full attention whenever they are speaking. Listen in order to understand what is being said, rather than simply waiting for the first opportunity to respond, and don't say anything until your partner has finished speaking. Avoid confusion by repeating or paraphrasing what you just heard ("So you think…") to make sure you really understand what was said.
- Your partner will be more likely to pay attention to what you have to say if he feels you are doing the same for him.
Step 3. Say what you think, but be tactful
Don't beat around the bush or expect the other person to read your mind - whenever you want to share an opinion or need something, speak it out. However, be diplomatic and don't accuse or attack your partner while expressing yourself - first person singular and plural sentences ("I" and "we") are a great way to do this.
Let's say the other person doesn't listen carefully. In that case, express your annoyance with a sentence beginning with “I”, such as “I feel that you don't pay attention to me. I'll be glad if you can stop looking at the phone while I'm talking. Can you do this for me, please?”
Step 4. Control the moods during fights
Mature partners know how to fight fairly, so keep insults to yourself and never raise your voice, no matter how angry you are. Adding more negativity to an already stressful situation will only add to the tension and make it harder to settle.
- Take a break to cool off and breathe deeply when you feel too angry. Only resume the discussion when you are calm and able to communicate properly.
- Show that you need time by asking something like "Can we take a 15-minute break?"
- On the other hand, taking a break doesn't mean ignoring the other person - don't use the interruption as an excuse to get away from the fight. Resume the discussion when you have cooled off.
Method 3 of 4: Cultivating Trust
Step 1. Keep your word
The other person will begin to question your credibility and commitment if you don't deliver on your promises - even the smallest promises will erode the couple's trust, bringing uncertainty to the relationship if they are broken. Make a point of being a trustworthy person and only promise what you can deliver.
- If you say you're going to spend the weekend with your boyfriend, for example, don't cancel at the last minute to go out with your friends. Keeping your word will show that you value the relationship and that you are a trustworthy person.
- Call as soon as you can to explain and apologize when you're late or need to stick with your partner.
Step 2. Respect each other's boundaries
As the relationship progresses, the couple should feel more comfortable talking about what is and is not acceptable to each other. When both of you have made your own boundaries clear, you will need to do your best to respect them - this creates more trust.
- For example, if your girlfriend says she doesn't want you to snoop on her phone, accept the request and respect the other person's privacy.
- It will be difficult for you to mature in your relationship if one partner refuses to respect the other's boundaries. In that case, try to enlist the help of a marital therapist.
Step 3. Enlist the help of your loved one
A couple's trust increases when partners show they are there for each other, so ask the other person to help you put more trust in them-and vice versa. If your partner responds to the request and strives to help you, you will be more willing to trust him when you need another favor in the future.
- For example, ask for a ride to work when your car is in the repair shop - the person will show that they are trustworthy if they show up at your house on time.
- Asking for help also strengthens the couple's intimacy, as you will show that you trust the other person enough to have their help.
Step 4. Admit when you're wrong and learn to forgive
You will damage the trust in the relationship if you are unable to take responsibility for yourself or cannot forgive your partner's mistakes. It may seem counterproductive, but we cultivate more confidence when we admit our guilt and forgive each other's faults.
- When you hit the ball, confess the mistake immediately and apologize to your loved one. On the other hand, when your partner makes mistakes, be willing to forgive him and move on. Holding back hurt will only cause resentment and weaken the relationship.
- There is nothing wrong if sometimes forgiveness is not immediate. Some mistakes take longer to forgive, but you will be able to overcome anything as long as you are honest with each other.
Step 5. Share some secrets
Confidence is another good way to cultivate trust in a relationship, as the other person will show that they are trustworthy if they can keep their secret.
Tell something innocent if the relationship is very recent. You can share more intimate confidences if the other person can keep the first secret
Method 4 of 4: Resolving Relationship Problems
Step 1. Analyze old behavioral patterns
Do your previous dates have any common points? Carefully reflect on each of them and try to find patterns. Most relationships follow a certain rhythm: two people meet, fall in love, and fall out of love. However, you can discover important things if you pay attention to details like where you met your boyfriends, why you fell in love with them and, finally, why the crush ended.
- Look for recurring issues in your previous relationships - you could even create a table with the columns “I met”, “I fell in love” and “I fell in love”, describing in detail what happened in each phase.
- It is not surprising that a person who has fallen in love with a man who "saved" him from depression, for example, ceases to feel the same passion when he is no longer depressed - as his mood improves, he too could begin to notice characteristics negative in that partner.
Step 2. Take responsibility for your destructive habits
The hardest part of analyzing relationships is acknowledging the role we played in breaking up, but try to think about your past relationships and how each ended up.
- What caused the separation? How could you have done better?
- You may find that you always end up cheating on your boyfriends when they want the relationship to become more serious because you are secretly afraid of commitment-regardless of the situation, take responsibility for the role you played in the breakup.
Step 3. Set concrete goals
Once you discover commonalities in your relationships and identify the roles you played in each of them, you are ready to set practical goals to change those patterns.
Let's say you've identified a tendency to run away from conflict-in this case, set a goal of learning conflict resolution techniques so you can face your own problems. If you're afraid to make a commitment, you can discuss the problem with your new boyfriend so he can help you not sabotage the relationship when things get more serious
Step 4. See a therapist
Changing defective relationship patterns on your own is very difficult, so a therapist can help you identify and overcome negative habits, allowing you to have the mature relationship you so long for.
- Bring your partner into the session if you are already in a relationship; that way, the two of you could learn techniques for dealing with your own negative habits.
- Think about whether you really want to stay in the relationship if your partner isn't willing to seek help or work on the couple's communication issues-maturity has to come from both of you.