As outdated as it may seem, some parents still follow very strict rules when it comes to the love relationship of their offspring. And for someone to date their daughter, these people demand that the interested boy ask for permission. It's not that they're living in the last century, it's just a normal concern. What they really want is to meet the would-be boyfriend to assess his character and see if the guy is really trustworthy. Are you going through a similar situation? Do your best to make a positive impression and politely ask their permission to date the girl. Follow all the rules, even if they say “no”.
Part 1 of 3: Introducing yourself to the girl's parents
Step 1. Try to become a familiar and positive presence
The ideal is to get used to the girl's family before even thinking about asking her for a date. Arrange with her to organize a get-together with friends at home or invite you (and other colleagues) to a family event. That way you will start to get acquainted and become a familiar face among everyone. When the time comes to ask permission to date you, the family will already know you from other times.
The best way to show yourself as a positive influence is to go to your friend's house to study. Investing your time and focusing your efforts on your studies is a way to prove that you are a mature and responsible person
Step 2. Talk to the girl's parents in person
Show respect by making a special visit. Before you go, check with the girl if she thinks it's a good idea for you to join a family dinner. This pre-approval will help ease the tension.
- “Mom, dad, can Julio come to dinner with us on Wednesday? He wants to get closer to you and talk about the possibility of him and me going out together” is an example of what she can talk about. With this idea planted, the parents will be able to think a little more about the subject and you avoid catching them by surprise when asking permission to date her. Since you are a familiar and trusted presence in the house, they will feel more secure in your interest in maintaining a loving relationship with their daughter.
- Arriving by surprise for dinner can be a little more complicated. No matter how kind and nice you are, you'll still be a stranger in the house.
Step 3. Invest in looking good
A conservative outfit is the best choice. Think about what you would wear to dinner with your grandmother or to church and dress accordingly to go to your friend's house. Try to make a good first impression.
Take a good shower before you go and get ready with care
Step 4. Introduce yourself
Say their name, smile sincerely, and greet them with a firm handshake. Refer to them as “Sir” and “Ma'am” unless they ask you to drop the formalities. You can also use "Your" and "Owner" before the first name, which are more informal and common forms of treatment, but equally respectful.
- If you have seen them on other occasions, say “Hi, Mr. João and Dona Maria, it's a pleasure to see you again. Thank you for the invitation to come to dinner here”.
- If it's the first time, say “Mr João and Dona Maria, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am José Guimarães”.
- Offer a firm handshake, look them in the eye, and keep your posture always straight.
Step 5. Let them guide the conversation
The girl's parents will likely have several questions to ask. Be careful not to end up boasting too much during the chat, just let it flow naturally. If they are worried or curious about a specific issue, they will definitely ask.
- Questions about your family, friends, goals and interests will certainly arise.
- Mention anything that might show the kind of responsible and trustworthy person you are. Volunteer work, church involvement, employment and extracurricular activities can attest to your good nature.
- Say something like “I currently work as an assistant at a soccer school and am on the school's swimming team. On vacation I'm going to work as an entertainer at a club's summer camp”.
Step 6. Be polite but genuine
Don't treat the situation like a formal job interview. Answer questions in a calm, friendly tone of voice, and show interest in them by asking a few questions as well. Wanting to know more about someone you're talking to for the first time is a polite and kind way to make a good first impression.
- Some sample questions to ask: "How long have you lived here?" or "Did you grow up in this neighborhood?" Another thing that might win them over is asking something related to some interest: “Mr. João, I think you worked in the base category at Chapecoense at the same time as my father, didn't you?”.
- Let the conversation take a two-way street. The chat cannot be a monologue, neither on your part nor on the part of the girl's parents.
- Avoid being distracted by the phone. It is extremely impolite to stare at your cell phone while someone is talking to you. Put the device on the silencer and put it in your pocket.
Step 7. Always speak the truth
If you think the girl's parents have a negative image of you, talk to them openly about it. Be honest, even if it means admitting something you did wrong. It's easier to win someone's trust by making a mistake than by telling a lie.
If they ask about a slip from the past, talk about what you learned from that mistake: “It's true, I was one of the students who got suspended for playing a bad joke on newcomers the year before. I'm not proud of what I've done, I'm even ashamed to talk about it, but I've already apologized to them and volunteered for the school's projects with the community to try to redeem myself”
Part 2 of 3: Asking Parents' Permission
Step 1. Make sure the interest is mutual
Let your friend's parents know that she also wants to date you, but that you decided to talk to them first to make sure they would approve.
- Say “Lucia told me that it was important for her that you know me before we started going out together. I respect her a lot, that's why I came here to talk and ask permission to date her”.
- Show that you're aware that it's their daughter's decision too by saying something like, "I thought it was important to ask to talk to you guys, but I know it's up to her to make the decision."
Step 2. State your reasons for wanting to date their daughter
Say what you like about the girl's personality and why you feel like going out with her. Mention the things the two of you have in common and emphasize the value of a good relationship.
- Say “Ana and I ended up getting very close in rehearsals for the opening of the indoor games. She's a really fun person, and I think what brought us closer together was our common interest in geek culture.”
- Don't mention the girl's physical attributes, just stick to her personality. Saying you're interested because she's hot will get you kicked out of her parents' house real quick!
Step 3. Ask for their permission
After introducing yourself and explaining your reasons for dating the girl, it's time to ask the big question. Keep your cool and be polite, and don't forget to mention where you plan to take her on the first date.
- An example of what you might say is “I would love to get to know Emily better, and I think she feels the same way. Do we have your permission?”.
- Or “I was thinking of coming to pick Bia up to go with me to the opening of the high school games next week, and after the ceremony we'd go have lunch at a bakery that just opened. At the latest at 21:30 we will be back. All right?".
- If they seem reluctant to let the girl go out alone with you, suggest going out with a group of friends, mentioning some people they already know. “Me and a group from church are going out to dinner next week. I think you know Laura and Joaquim, who are also part of the youth group. We would love to have Jô's company!”.
Step 4. Accept the conditions imposed
Accept the decision they make, whatever it is. If they don't agree with what you have proposed, politely ask them why.
- They may think the girl is too young to date. In that case, ask them if they agree that she goes out with you and another group of friends.
- One condition they can impose is that you don't come back late. Agree and say “No problem! My parents require me to be home at 10pm. Does this time work for you or would you prefer that she arrives a little earlier?”.
- If this is your first time talking to them, your friend's parents might want to get to know you a little better. To search for a way out, say “We have a test next week. What do you think about me coming here on Sunday to study with Tereza?”.
- On a negative, ask if they are open to talking about it in a few months. Accept that you'll have to wait a while to be able to date the girl, but at least you'll be able to meet her as a friend at school and in other social circumstances.
Part 3 of 3: Showing You're a Responsible Guy
Step 1. Keep your word
Show that you are trustworthy by following the limits set by the girl's parents and keeping promises made to them. Over time, once they realize that you are a responsible person, maybe you and your girlfriend will gain a little more freedom.
- Go to the agreed place. Did you pick her up at home saying you were going to take her to the movies? Go see the movie at the time agreed with them. Do not deviate from the route or take the opportunity to make another schedule. If the girl's parents find out you've been lying, you run the risk of them demanding an end to the relationship.
- Comply with schedules. Take her back home at the scheduled time. In the event of an unforeseen event (a lot of traffic, for example), call to let us know the reason for the delay. On another occasion, leave earlier or prefer to take your cat to a place where you can go for a walk.
- Look for safe alternatives for locomotion. Let me know which means of transport you are going to use. If they think it's not safe for you to drive, for example, suggest taking the bus or taking a taxi, no arguments!
Step 2. Provide your contact information
In addition to giving your phone number, try to answer calls and answer messages quickly. Also provide your address and your parents' phone number so they have other ways to reach you in a need.
- Ask her parents to talk to the girl's parents. Have them talk about what a nice person you are.
- If you have problems with your parents, ask another trusted adult to call the girl's parents and talk a little about her personality.
Step 3. Avoid doing wrong things
Respect the limits imposed, even if you don't agree with them. If your friend's parents catch you doing something foolish, it will be very difficult for you to regain their trust and continue the relationship.
Is the girl suggesting some feat? Don't join the wave. Talk about the importance of her maintaining an honest relationship with her parents. Say something like “Look, I like you a lot, but we have to respect your parents' rules. Don't you think it's better to talk to them?”
Step 4. Dedicate yourself to school
Parents tend to trust exemplary students more. Keep working hard and getting good grades, and encourage the cat to do the same. The limits imposed are more inflexible when a person does poorly in school.