What girlfriend doesn't want her mother-in-law to like her? Maybe you're meeting her for the first time and you're nervous about impressing her, or maybe you've already met her and need to try again after a bad start. Have good manners, use interpersonal skills, and be considerate in developing a good relationship with your mother-in-law.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Making a Good Impression
Step 1. Work behind the scenes
Ask your boyfriend more about his mother. Find out more about her history, hobbies, ask for suggestions for topics to talk about, what to avoid… everything you can learn about her! Go on your first date with her already knowing what to expect. Some things you can try to find out include:
- Where she grew up.
- Where she works or worked.
- Hobbies and interests.
- Food preferences (if first date is with a meal).
- Matters that shouldn't be talked about (don't talk about dogs if she's just lost a beloved pet).
Step 2. Greet her warmly
Say "hi" with a pleasant smile and a very friendly tone of voice. Make good eye contact when greeting her - don't look at the floor or avoid looking at her. Shake her hand (or hug her if she's the hugging type), but don't feel forced to do anything that isn't your type.
Step 3. Bring a little gift
It doesn't have to be anything too fancy or too personal. If she's bringing any food, it's good to see that she doesn't have any food allergies. Some ideas include:
- Flowers.
- Chocolate or candy.
- A bottle of wine (ask your boyfriend first if she drinks alcohol).
- A special dish or food.
- Homemade baked goods.
- Something you've done (if you have a talent for craftsmanship).
Step 4. Pay attention to your appearance
Dress appropriately. While you shouldn't try to hide who you really are, it's always a good idea to dress a little more conservatively when you meet her. Don't feel like you're being fake or hiding your personality too much - if you're proud of your tattoos, don't cover them up - but try to present yourself as best you can.
- Use a simple and subtle makeup, if you are used to makeup.
- Do not leave your hair covering your face. You will convey more self-confidence this way.
Step 5. Have good manners
While manners are not necessarily memorable, they will not be forgotten. Smile, be polite and behave well at the table. No chewing with your mouth open!
- Watch your language. The first date is not a good time to show that you like to swear!
- Give praise. It's important not to sound fake or insinuating, but genuine, timely praise is welcome. For example, if your mother-in-law has a nice house, praise her taste and say, “I think Pedro is a good decorator, too. He must have inherited your good taste!”.
Step 6. Avoid physical displays of affection with your boyfriend
Too many hugs, hugs, or making out is not suitable for the first time you meet his parents. This can make them uncomfortable, just as you would be if they did. This is the time for you to create a relationship with your loved one's mother, not her. Put that hand away just for a few hours!
Step 7. Remember that she is probably nervous too
She is meeting her son's girlfriend and also wants to make a good impression. Smile and help her to be very calm.
Method 2 of 4: Having Good Conversations
Step 1. Ask lots of questions
Most people like to talk about themselves. People tend to have a better impression of the listener when he gives them plenty of opportunity to share their own stories.
Find out a bit of her story and let her tell the stories she likes the most. She will love telling her favorite story to a new audience
Step 2. Don't talk too much
When some people get nervous, they tend to talk nonstop. If it's one of them, find a way to shut up.
- For example, ask your boyfriend to pay attention to the conversation and create a signal (cough, tug his ear discreetly) to let him know if you're talking too much.
- You can also keep an eye out for behavioral gestures that indicate the listener is losing interest in the conversation, such as looking sideways, or that indicate the listener is failing to participate, such as opening your mouth to say something and stopping.
Step 3. Find common interests
Ask your boyfriend what his mother's hobbies are. If you have something in common, go prepared with your own stories.
- Do you two love to travel? Ask her to tell travel stories and ask for advice. For example “Joao told me that you went to Italy last year. Never been there. Which cities have you visited?".
- If you two like to watch football, talk about your team or recent games.
Step 4. Be nice
Now is not the time to be the authority on everything. Strive to keep things peaceful and make a good impression.
- Talk about neutral matters. Maybe this is not a good time to talk about religion, politics or your ex-boyfriends, for example.
- Try adding something to a statement you disagree with so you can continue the conversation. Maybe you don't agree if she says "Everyone gets stuck on their cell phone these days." Instead of disagreeing and leaving this sentence loose and uncontinued, say “I need to have my cell phone with me. I have so much important information here!”.
- Change the subject if you are concerned about an argument.
Step 5. Ask her about her boyfriend
She will love to tell stories about him, and as a bonus, you already have a common interest!
- Ask her to tell stories about what he was like as a child.
- Ask about family traditions such as holidays and favorite recipes.
Step 6. Remember that she has known you longer
Don't try to be know-it-all when it comes to your boyfriend. She's known him all his life, and you've only known him a few months ago.
- Don't correct her about his preferences. If the mother serves scrambled eggs to the child and you know he prefers poached eggs, don't say anything. He will be able to tell her himself.
- Don't poke your nose into their relationship. They have their own dynamics and ways of relating. You may not like the way she criticizes her son, but it's up to him to handle it, not you.
Step 7. Be careful with your sense of humor
Don't direct anything at her and be careful not to cross boundaries. You'll have to find out what kind of sense of humor she has and how far you can go with yours.
Avoid jokes about sex, religion and politics. Jokes that are too sarcastic or that might upset people are unlikely to make a good impression
Method 3 of 4: Being Attentive
Step 1. Ask her out
Ask her if she wants to go out to lunch with you and your boyfriend, go to a museum, or somewhere unromantic. She may not accept it, but it's always nice to be invited!
Step 2. Think about her
Stay alert and look for ways to further develop your relationship with your mother-in-law. For example, if she loves art and you look at a poster for a special exhibition, tell her.
Step 3. Continue to share common interests
She will love how much you are putting into the relationship to have more good conversations. Use anything in common you find, even if it's something as minor as an addiction to a specific TV show.
For example, “Have you started watching The Walking Dead again? I think I'll watch it again, I miss it! Who is your favorite character?”
Step 4. Ask for advice
People love to feel that they are useful and needed. Find out which areas she knows best and ask her for help.
- For example, if she's a great cook, ask for a suggestion for an easy recipe to improve her cooking skills.
- If she loves working in the garden, ask to see her garden and suggestions for plants you can grow.
Step 5. Offer help
Do the dishes after dinner at your mother-in-law's house, take an accompaniment to a family dinner or take out the trash. She might say that you don't have to do anything, and if that's the case, that's fine - you really don't.
If you're having trouble talking to her, a household chore can also be a good way to get away from the conversation
Step 6. Invite her to dinner
Invite her to your house for dinner with you and your boyfriend. It's not necessary to serve anything fancy - you can even order from a restaurant - but strive to make the evening comfortable and cool.
Method 4 of 4: Winning It Again
Step 1. Deal with tension
If she feels any coldness or distance in the relationship, she is likely to feel that too. Don't let resentments get in the way of your relationship. After all, you could end up staying in each other's lives for a long time. Do your part to work things out.
For example, say “Silvia, I don't think we started very well. I respect you a lot and I want to have a good relationship with you. Can we try again?”
Step 2. Apologize
Take responsibility for your behavior. If you did something the mother-in-law didn't like, admit it and apologize. Acknowledge the pain or anger you've caused.
For example “I know I wasn't very nice when I criticized the way you drive. I know it wasn't funny and I made her upset. Excuse me"
Step 3. Make some changes
Find out what you can do to improve the relationship. It could be changing a behavior or its environment.
- For example, if you got drunk and treated her badly, don't drink around her anymore. Strive to control annoying behavior.
- Perhaps she is very picky about food and was not impressed with her cooking skills or restaurant choices. Maybe she has a cat allergy and yours kept crawling on her all the time. The grief is likely to pass if she simply feels more comfortable.
Step 4. Talk to your mother-in-law privately
It's better if your boyfriend isn't there. So you avoid making him choose a side to defend.
Step 5. Ask for his help
Ask your boyfriend to help you with the problem if you're not dealing with it yourself. Maybe he can talk to his mother more easily, as he knows her well and understands her personality better.
Do this only if you are not doing it alone. It's much better to deal with her directly if you can
Step 6. Let it go
If nothing goes well, you don't have to pull your hair out to win your mother-in-law. Changing who you are because of her will only make you more resentful. It's okay if you don't become best friends. Just always be polite and treat her with respect; she is still an important part of your boyfriend's life.