4 Ways to Conquer Your Boyfriend's Mother

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4 Ways to Conquer Your Boyfriend's Mother
4 Ways to Conquer Your Boyfriend's Mother

What girlfriend doesn't want her mother-in-law to like her? Maybe you're meeting her for the first time and you're nervous about impressing her, or maybe you've already met her and need to try again after a bad start. Have good manners, use interpersonal skills, and be considerate in developing a good relationship with your mother-in-law.


Method 1 of 4: Making a Good Impression

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 1

Step 1. Work behind the scenes

Ask your boyfriend more about his mother. Find out more about her history, hobbies, ask for suggestions for topics to talk about, what to avoid… everything you can learn about her! Go on your first date with her already knowing what to expect. Some things you can try to find out include:

  • Where she grew up.
  • Where she works or worked.
  • Hobbies and interests.
  • Food preferences (if first date is with a meal).
  • Matters that shouldn't be talked about (don't talk about dogs if she's just lost a beloved pet).
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 2

Step 2. Greet her warmly

Say "hi" with a pleasant smile and a very friendly tone of voice. Make good eye contact when greeting her - don't look at the floor or avoid looking at her. Shake her hand (or hug her if she's the hugging type), but don't feel forced to do anything that isn't your type.

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 3

Step 3. Bring a little gift

It doesn't have to be anything too fancy or too personal. If she's bringing any food, it's good to see that she doesn't have any food allergies. Some ideas include:

  • Flowers.
  • Chocolate or candy.
  • A bottle of wine (ask your boyfriend first if she drinks alcohol).
  • A special dish or food.
  • Homemade baked goods.
  • Something you've done (if you have a talent for craftsmanship).
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 4

Step 4. Pay attention to your appearance

Dress appropriately. While you shouldn't try to hide who you really are, it's always a good idea to dress a little more conservatively when you meet her. Don't feel like you're being fake or hiding your personality too much - if you're proud of your tattoos, don't cover them up - but try to present yourself as best you can.

  • Use a simple and subtle makeup, if you are used to makeup.
  • Do not leave your hair covering your face. You will convey more self-confidence this way.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 5

Step 5. Have good manners

While manners are not necessarily memorable, they will not be forgotten. Smile, be polite and behave well at the table. No chewing with your mouth open!

  • Watch your language. The first date is not a good time to show that you like to swear!
  • Give praise. It's important not to sound fake or insinuating, but genuine, timely praise is welcome. For example, if your mother-in-law has a nice house, praise her taste and say, “I think Pedro is a good decorator, too. He must have inherited your good taste!”.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 6

Step 6. Avoid physical displays of affection with your boyfriend

Too many hugs, hugs, or making out is not suitable for the first time you meet his parents. This can make them uncomfortable, just as you would be if they did. This is the time for you to create a relationship with your loved one's mother, not her. Put that hand away just for a few hours!

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 7

Step 7. Remember that she is probably nervous too

She is meeting her son's girlfriend and also wants to make a good impression. Smile and help her to be very calm.

Method 2 of 4: Having Good Conversations

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 8

Step 1. Ask lots of questions

Most people like to talk about themselves. People tend to have a better impression of the listener when he gives them plenty of opportunity to share their own stories.

Find out a bit of her story and let her tell the stories she likes the most. She will love telling her favorite story to a new audience

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 9

Step 2. Don't talk too much

When some people get nervous, they tend to talk nonstop. If it's one of them, find a way to shut up.

  • For example, ask your boyfriend to pay attention to the conversation and create a signal (cough, tug his ear discreetly) to let him know if you're talking too much.
  • You can also keep an eye out for behavioral gestures that indicate the listener is losing interest in the conversation, such as looking sideways, or that indicate the listener is failing to participate, such as opening your mouth to say something and stopping.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 10

Step 3. Find common interests

Ask your boyfriend what his mother's hobbies are. If you have something in common, go prepared with your own stories.

  • Do you two love to travel? Ask her to tell travel stories and ask for advice. For example “Joao told me that you went to Italy last year. Never been there. Which cities have you visited?".
  • If you two like to watch football, talk about your team or recent games.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 11

Step 4. Be nice

Now is not the time to be the authority on everything. Strive to keep things peaceful and make a good impression.

  • Talk about neutral matters. Maybe this is not a good time to talk about religion, politics or your ex-boyfriends, for example.
  • Try adding something to a statement you disagree with so you can continue the conversation. Maybe you don't agree if she says "Everyone gets stuck on their cell phone these days." Instead of disagreeing and leaving this sentence loose and uncontinued, say “I need to have my cell phone with me. I have so much important information here!”.
  • Change the subject if you are concerned about an argument.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 12

Step 5. Ask her about her boyfriend

She will love to tell stories about him, and as a bonus, you already have a common interest!

  • Ask her to tell stories about what he was like as a child.
  • Ask about family traditions such as holidays and favorite recipes.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 13

Step 6. Remember that she has known you longer

Don't try to be know-it-all when it comes to your boyfriend. She's known him all his life, and you've only known him a few months ago.

  • Don't correct her about his preferences. If the mother serves scrambled eggs to the child and you know he prefers poached eggs, don't say anything. He will be able to tell her himself.
  • Don't poke your nose into their relationship. They have their own dynamics and ways of relating. You may not like the way she criticizes her son, but it's up to him to handle it, not you.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 14

Step 7. Be careful with your sense of humor

Don't direct anything at her and be careful not to cross boundaries. You'll have to find out what kind of sense of humor she has and how far you can go with yours.

Avoid jokes about sex, religion and politics. Jokes that are too sarcastic or that might upset people are unlikely to make a good impression

Method 3 of 4: Being Attentive

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 15

Step 1. Ask her out

Ask her if she wants to go out to lunch with you and your boyfriend, go to a museum, or somewhere unromantic. She may not accept it, but it's always nice to be invited!

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 16

Step 2. Think about her

Stay alert and look for ways to further develop your relationship with your mother-in-law. For example, if she loves art and you look at a poster for a special exhibition, tell her.

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 17

Step 3. Continue to share common interests

She will love how much you are putting into the relationship to have more good conversations. Use anything in common you find, even if it's something as minor as an addiction to a specific TV show.

For example, “Have you started watching The Walking Dead again? I think I'll watch it again, I miss it! Who is your favorite character?”

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 18

Step 4. Ask for advice

People love to feel that they are useful and needed. Find out which areas she knows best and ask her for help.

  • For example, if she's a great cook, ask for a suggestion for an easy recipe to improve her cooking skills.
  • If she loves working in the garden, ask to see her garden and suggestions for plants you can grow.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 19

Step 5. Offer help

Do the dishes after dinner at your mother-in-law's house, take an accompaniment to a family dinner or take out the trash. She might say that you don't have to do anything, and if that's the case, that's fine - you really don't.

If you're having trouble talking to her, a household chore can also be a good way to get away from the conversation

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 20

Step 6. Invite her to dinner

Invite her to your house for dinner with you and your boyfriend. It's not necessary to serve anything fancy - you can even order from a restaurant - but strive to make the evening comfortable and cool.

Method 4 of 4: Winning It Again

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 21

Step 1. Deal with tension

If she feels any coldness or distance in the relationship, she is likely to feel that too. Don't let resentments get in the way of your relationship. After all, you could end up staying in each other's lives for a long time. Do your part to work things out.

For example, say “Silvia, I don't think we started very well. I respect you a lot and I want to have a good relationship with you. Can we try again?”

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 22

Step 2. Apologize

Take responsibility for your behavior. If you did something the mother-in-law didn't like, admit it and apologize. Acknowledge the pain or anger you've caused.

For example “I know I wasn't very nice when I criticized the way you drive. I know it wasn't funny and I made her upset. Excuse me"

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 23

Step 3. Make some changes

Find out what you can do to improve the relationship. It could be changing a behavior or its environment.

  • For example, if you got drunk and treated her badly, don't drink around her anymore. Strive to control annoying behavior.
  • Perhaps she is very picky about food and was not impressed with her cooking skills or restaurant choices. Maybe she has a cat allergy and yours kept crawling on her all the time. The grief is likely to pass if she simply feels more comfortable.
Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 24

Step 4. Talk to your mother-in-law privately

It's better if your boyfriend isn't there. So you avoid making him choose a side to defend.

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 25

Step 5. Ask for his help

Ask your boyfriend to help you with the problem if you're not dealing with it yourself. Maybe he can talk to his mother more easily, as he knows her well and understands her personality better.

Do this only if you are not doing it alone. It's much better to deal with her directly if you can

Win over Your Boyfriend's Mum Step 26

Step 6. Let it go

If nothing goes well, you don't have to pull your hair out to win your mother-in-law. Changing who you are because of her will only make you more resentful. It's okay if you don't become best friends. Just always be polite and treat her with respect; she is still an important part of your boyfriend's life.

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