Let's be honest: Winning back your ex-boyfriend is going to be a lot harder than winning a new guy - and if you want to give it a try, it's because you really like him. To start, reflect on what went wrong, make some adjustments in your life and know how to identify the best time to make the move. In addition, follow the steps in the article below to know what to do to avoid another disappointment.
Method 1 of 4: Reflecting on the Relationship
Step 1. Give yourself time
If you still live with your ex, you won't be able to think about the situation from a new perspective. Don't feel obligated to ignore it, but at least don't text, call, or do anything like that after it ends. It's time to be alone for a while, even if it means you'll have to skip going to events that interest you just so you don't bump into him.
- If you give yourself this time, you'll have a more general and neutral perspective on what you feel and like about the relationship.
- Just giving yourself that space will make the boy curious about what you've been doing with your life.
Step 2. Think about what went wrong in the relationship
Before trying to go back, you need to be honest with yourself. Give some thought to determine what caused the breakup: Were you too angry, distant, or "quiet"? Also think about what you can do to change this dynamic.
- Only try to win the boy back if you are able to act differently next time. If it ended because you were incompatible, for example, it will be more difficult than if you ended it for more trivial reasons, like lack of time.
- List everything that went wrong and highlight what you can control.
- Think about whether you were just experiencing a delicate time or experiencing drastic changes in your life at the time of termination. If things are more stable and under control now, it might be the perfect time to have a serious relationship.
Step 3. Change the way you are
Once you find out what went wrong in your relationship, resist the urge to call your ex and throw it in his face that you're a new woman. Actions speak louder than words. Be genuine and he will eventually notice the change on his own.
- If the guy broke up because you were too needy, try to be more independent. He will end up noticing this change.
- If he broke up because you weren't dedicated enough to the relationship, try to make him feel special. Praise him and say how happy you are when you meet him.
- If he broke up because he thought you were too sappy with other guys, don't talk too much with other men in his presence - or the past will come to the fore.
Method 2 of 4: Making Some Adjustments In Your Life
Step 1. Learn to love yourself inside and out
Go to the salon to do your hair and nails, take a relaxing bath, wear comfortable clothes, etc. If you take care of your appearance, you will start to be more assertive. You don't need to change that much: just pay more attention to beauty and hygiene.
- Spend another 10-15 minutes on your morning beauty rituals to get your day off to a good start, especially if you've been too busy or too stressed about your appearance before.
- Change hairstyle or haircut. Nothing feels like starting from scratch like this kind of change.
Step 2. Stop caring about what people think
If you're insecure and mulling over others' opinions, you'll never be able to change and win back your ex. The right thing is to think well of yourself, no matter if others think you are funny, beautiful, charming, and so on.
- If you stop caring about what others think, you will exude confidence and impress your ex with your new attitudes.
- Don't care what his friends think. Maybe they think you're not right for each other, for example. Be polite, but don't go out of your way just to please - or you'll lose focus.
Step 3. Spend your time with your own interests
If you devote yourself to studies, friends, or other everyday interests, you can grow as a person and even avoid thinking too much about the guy. Besides, if he sees this new way of you, he will understand that you are an interesting person and that you have an active and promising life.
- Show your ex that you're doing what you want to do - studying, doing physical activities and the like.
- Spend a lot of time with your friends. They are essential in your quest for a happier life and new perspectives.
- Don't use a "steppe" to occupy your time. You will only get more distracted and confused.
Step 4. Develop and express your individuality
When you look for more interests and space for yourself, you'll be able to get to know yourself better as an individual (and not as "so-and-so's ex-girlfriend"). Take this time to show the world who you really are.
- Wear cool clothes that impress people. You don't have to unfold to get attention; just don't be afraid to choose that piece that was too daring to wear before.
- Express your individuality through creativity. Write short stories, start taking drama courses, sing karaoke etc. Show your ex that you are comfortable in this new phase.
Method 3 of 4: Making Your Ex Want To Come Back
Step 1. Build your self-confidence
Assertiveness and self-confidence are naturally attractive qualities. Show the boy that you are capable of being happy on your own. If he sees this new phase of his, he will be intrigued and interested and want to come back even more. Do the following:
- Think positive. If you learn to see the good in the world instead of the bad, you'll exude positive energy-and your ex will want to get back together.
- Learn to be happy with your appearance. Think of at least three of your best features and wear clothes that highlight those regions. Also, exercise every day to get mentally and physically fit.
- Be assertive. Speak in a clear, loud voice rather than whispering or babbling. Get people's attention with your voice so everyone can see that you know what you're talking about.
Step 2. Be more elegant
Everyone likes to go out dancing like there's no tomorrow, but that kind of behavior isn't always elegant. When you go to social events, socialize, but speak calmly and not wanting all the attention. You can even let go, as long as you don't overdo it - and your ex will be interested. Nobody likes people who get drunk and get attention for the wrong reasons.
- Being elegant is a way to show maturity. Every guy likes women who are mature and who control their emotions, especially in public.
- Wear stylish clothes. This is also part of the transformation process. Feel free to wear cleavage, but nothing that is outrageous or too fair, or people will think you're desperate for attention. Make the right choices to get what you want.
Step 3. Show your ex that you are enjoying life
Always be smiling to make it clear that you are making the most of the world and the people around you. Just don't be underhanded: really have fun and get comfortable with single life before trying to get back together with the guy.
- Laugh for nothing. Show the young man that you are enjoying life with friends and family.
- Dedicate yourself to the important people. Pay full attention to your conversations and show excitement through body language.
- Show the guy you're busy having fun. He'll want to meet you that happy again at an evening event with his friends.
Step 4. Avoid any behavior or signs of despair
If you exaggerate for the guy to see how well your life is going, he'll see right away. Just be yourself and let him notice your change naturally. Otherwise, things will only get worse.
- Don't go out of your way to show that you're having fun when he's around. Act naturally.
- Don't overdress yourself to go to an event he's also going to attend. Wear the right clothes for the occasion and don't weigh your hand on makeup or high heels. He will see your desperation.
- Don't be needy. Let him talk to you when you meet by chance on the street.
Method 4 of 4: Taking Action
Step 1. Tell the boy how you feel
After you reflect on the past, change your way of being and win back your ex, all that's left is to talk to him about what you're feeling. This part is going to be difficult: you have to swallow your pride and let go of your nervousness. In the end, all the effort will be worth it. Do the following:
- Choose the ideal place and time for the conversation. Try to catch him alone, when he's in a good mood and no one else around.
- Swallow your pride. If you made mistakes in the past, apologize for the specific situations you went through.
- Be honest. Tell him that you miss him, that you made a mistake, and that you want him back.
- Say you want another chance to show that you've changed.
Step 2. Make the relationship last this time
If the guy accepts your proposal, you'll get back together and be part of each other's lives - either to start from scratch or to pick up where they left off. Do everything you can to not lose him again. Some suggestions:
- Don't make the same mistakes as in the past. Remember what went wrong and commit to real change.
- Don't overcharge yourself. If you live in fear of making mistakes again, you won't be able to focus on the present.
- Start from scratch. Think of the situation as another chance. Don't dwell on the past and don't fight for the same reasons.
- Be yourself. As much as you've changed for the better, you still have remnants of your past self. So, don't stop being the woman the guy fell in love with and don't try too hard to prove that you've become someone else.
Step 3. Understand when it's time to finish
If you try everything, but the guy still doesn't give up, maybe it's better to give up. If he ignores your advances or is mean or rude, it's time to put the relationship in the past - before you get even more hurt.
- Not every relationship can be saved. You did what you could and should be proud of having tried.
- Get out of this situation with your head held high. Don't be ashamed to have opened your heart to him.
- Jealous people always try to lower their boyfriends to their own level. Don't get carried away; you are better than that.
- If anyone asks why your ex treats you like that, just say you don't know. Don't talk bad about him to anyone - or it will give the impression that he's not normal and that you're innocent and poor.
- Bring positivity to all areas of life. That way, you'll give the impression that you don't care much about bad situations. Don't make negative comments about what the person says, or it will just show how deeply hurt you are.
- Don't wonder what you should say to the boy when you meet him by chance. Talk to your friends normally and he'll pay attention.
- Remember that happiness is the secret to success. Enjoy life to the fullest in any situation.
- It may be that the boy will do everything to get your attention. If he starts kissing someone in front of you, for example, smile and pretend you don't care.
- If you can't ignore these situations, imagine you're on a plane about to take off - watching cars and buildings get tiny below. You're tiny too, and your problem is in your head. Also think about the size of your life compared to cars in traffic.
- Never change your way of being just to please, no matter what the guy says. If he doesn't like you like that, you better find someone else, someone nicer and one who cares about you.
- Be kind and polite when your ex starts dating someone else. Try not to show jealousy so as not to ruin the relationship of respect and cordiality between you.
- Don't cheat on any boyfriend just to get revenge.
- Never tell your friends you're having problems with the guy; they will interfere!
- Don't respond to the indiscreet things the guy (or anyone else) says. The less you talk about it, the less you will fight or argue with others.