Mothers are very important to most women, often acting as an inspiration, role model, and safe haven throughout their lives. Get to know your mother-in-law and find out what she means to your girlfriend to decide if you need to work a little harder to win her over. As mothers are very influential in their daughters' decisions, in order to have a healthy relationship, it is always a good idea to make a good impression on the mother-in-law! Below, you'll find some tips that will help you stay in the relationship.
Method 1 of 3: Preparing to Meet Your Mother-in-Law for the First Time
Step 1. Learn as much as you can about her
Record all the things your girlfriend says her mom likes. Listen to the stories she tells about her past and the things that matter to her mother. Create a kind of mental diary to help you.
- Ask questions about your mother-in-law's motivations. What led you to pursue the career you chose? Why did she decide to move to another city? Does she travel somewhere often? Make mental notes of all the details you find and delve into the stories later.
- Recall things your girlfriend said about her mother to show you care and were paying attention to conversations.
Step 2. Dress to impress
The first impression is very important as it is unique! Obviously, you don't need to dress up with the right to a suit and dress shoes; dress accordingly. If you want to wear jeans and your favorite sneakers, that's fine, just get dressed up a bit when meeting your mother-in-law for the first time.
- When choosing clothes, opt for the casual social style, as it mixes formal and informal well. A shirt, jeans and a shoe are good options for men. For women, a jumpsuit or a dress are the best options. Don't forget to iron your clothes!
- Don't forget about personal care. It's no use wearing a nice outfit if you're shabbily shaved and not taking a shower, right? Go to the barber, take a shower and put on some perfume. For women, it's a good idea to pluck your eyebrows, style your hair, and put on makeup (if you like it). A tidy look gives the impression that your life is tidy.
Step 3. Take a gift
I would gladly take something when visiting someone, right? What about the first visit to the in-laws? Talk to your girlfriend and ask her for ideas, or go to the classic and buy a bouquet of flowers. Buy one for your girlfriend too and earn double points!
Step 4. Behave yourself
Get ready to maintain eye contact, smile (sincerely!) and call your mother-in-law "Mrs." If you don't have such a habit, practice a little before leaving the house! Obviously, keep the language well-behaved throughout the encounter.
- If your girlfriend's parents aren't so formal, adjust during the date. If your mother-in-law insists on being called by name, leave "Mrs" aside. It's better to be too polite than unpolite, right?
- Show confidence when taking action! Behave well, but don't pretend to be someone you're not in the presence of your mother-in-law. By showing trust and confidence, others will trust you too.
Method 2 of 3: Winning Mother-in-Law on First Date
Step 1. Talk to her
Don't run away from conversations and always take the initiative. Shame may make you talk more with your girlfriend and leave your mother-in-law aside, but that will keep her from getting to know you better. Talk to her directly and ask a lot of questions, just be careful that the conversation doesn't feel like an interrogation.
- Name the things you've learned about her from conversations you've had with your girlfriend. Ask what inspired you to pursue the career you followed, the places you like to travel to, etc. Asking what your girlfriend was like as a child is a great way to break the ice.
- If you get caught in the middle of an awkward silence, ask some basic questions, such as how long she's been married, what her interests are, etc. Show a real interest in what she has to say.
- As much as possible, resist the temptation to touch the phone. It doesn't matter if you're sending a message, playing a game or checking your email, this is considered rude, especially when meeting someone.
Step 2. Control displays of affection
Of course, kissing and holding hands are allowed, but out of respect for your mother-in-law, keep it brief. Touch your girlfriend tenderly or whisper in her ear, but don't touch her inappropriately, even if you think no one is watching.
- When trying to find the balance for the demonstrations of affection, some things are free: opening doors, pulling chairs for her to sit, etc.
- If you are coming from another city to stay at your mother-in-law's house, be respectful. If she asks you and your girlfriend to sleep in separate rooms, be respectful.
- The mother-in-law is the owner of the house and must dictate her stay. If she allows them to sleep in the same room, accept that too without complaining.
Step 3. Tell us a little about yourself
As much as the idea is to meet the mother-in-law, she also wants to meet you. Tell her a little about who you are so that she has a better idea of the boy who won his daughter.
- Talk about the things you like to do, your ambitions, your profession, your life goals, etc. Build her trust to demonstrate that you are a good match for your girlfriend.
- Include your girlfriend in the conversation. Talk about how you met, what you love about her, what you like to do together, etc. Your mother-in-law will certainly like you better if you feel that your love for your girlfriend is genuine.
Step 4. Offer your help
If you know your mother-in-law will be cooking all day to receive them, offer to help in some way. Take out the trash, wash the dishes, help with dinner or set the table, for example. She's likely to turn down the help, but the offer will definitely not go unnoticed.
Step 5. Give thanks for the hospitality
It doesn't matter if the date was a success or a disaster, be polite and praise your mother-in-law for the reception. When you're leaving, say something like "Thank you so much, I had a lot of fun. I hope we can repeat the date another day" to leave the door open and get invited more often.
Method 3 of 3: Getting a Mother-in-Law Who Doesn't Like You
Step 1. Treat your girlfriend with respect
To have a good relationship with your mother-in-law, you need to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship with your girlfriend. By making her happy, you ensure that only good things reach your mother-in-law's ears. In time, she'll realize you're a good catch.
- Show your love daily! Pay attention to your girlfriend and try to talk to her every day, whether by text messages or phone calls. Meet in person at least once a week.
- Remind her how beautiful she is and praise her achievements. Show your love through words and actions!
- Remember that negative things tend to last longer. If you do something bad to your girlfriend and it ends up in your mother-in-law's ears, it's going to be hard to win her back. Treat your daughter well and live a happy life!
Step 2. Find your mother-in-law
Making her feel heard is very important. Ask for her opinion and show respect for what she thinks and feels! Ask for advice about dating and life in general, after all, we all like to feel that our opinions are valued, right?
Step 3. Value her good attributes
It doesn't matter if you hate your mother-in-law, she sure has something nice to offer. As the newest member of the family, it's up to you to be flexible and try to see the good in the family. Always be kind and be grateful for her presence in your life. Strive to be grateful for what she does for you and win a piece in your mother-in-law's heart.
Step 4. Strive to include her in your life
Call and visit your mother-in-law every now and then so she knows it's important. You don't have to see her every week, but your efforts will show your consideration. Make it clear that you think about her and conquer her!
- If you don't want to waste a lot of time, stop by her house to deliver a gift or something. Say that "I was passing by and stopped just to see if everything was ok".
- If your efforts aren't having the desired effect, stop and do only the things your girlfriend asks you to do. Limit visits to obligations and, whenever possible, go with your girlfriend. You don't have to try too hard if you can't change your mother-in-law's mind.
Step 5. Make it clear that you won't go away because of her attitude
The fact that she doesn't like you can hurt your relationship, especially if your girlfriend is very close to her mother. It's possible to get over that, even if you're not on good terms, though. Show that you really love your girlfriend and that you won't give up on her.
- Continue to be respectful. Don't make your girlfriend have to choose between you and her mother. Take care of her side and she will soon realize that the problem is with the mother, not with you.
- Don't feel obligated to remain silent when disrespected. It is possible to confront your mother-in-law and maintain respect. For example, say something like, "With all due respect, I don't like the way you talk about me to your daughter. I'd rather you don't do that anymore."
- If your mother-in-law doesn't like you even after following all the tips above, talk to your girlfriend and try to find out if there's something specific that might help change her mind.
- Always be yourself! Mothers have a kind of sixth sense and they know when we lie! You don't have to be someone else to make a good impression, just be the best version of yourself.